Meeting The Teacup

Sometimes you just have to trust in the stars and navigational currents to make things happen. If anyone would've asked us on Thanksgiving if we were going to get a chance to meet the teacup - we both would've said: "sometime next year we all hope."

The amazing thing is that when all the pieces fell into place ... they fell into place remarkably well considering the incredibly long line of things that needed to happen to make the visit possible. The scheduling, the time spent in Minnesota, the return trip, work, finances, the weather .... the universe took care of things. Even as I type this - I'm a bit in awe about how well the universe brought things together.

As we pulled into Des Moines on that incredibly blustery day ... our nerves were reaching the edge of our senses. We met up at the hotel parking lot as that was a nice central meeting place. I parked next to her vehicle and we all got out of our cars. Big smiles abound as our eyes lit up ... finally nice to meet after spending the last few months chit chatting online. Hugs were met as we all didn't know what to say initially. The clumsiness of first introductions - but there was a calmness, a familiarity, a sense of belonging.

We drove down to a restaurant that we all spotted driving to the hotel. We sat and ordered lunch ... only to proceed to talk about our various Christmas experiences and general light conversation about this, that and other. Lunch was good, the conversation was comfortable and we decided to go check-in. After spending several minutes fully unloading our car (which is no small feat mind you), we sat and talked about a myriad of different things. We talked freely, we talked openly, we covered a wide range of topics from poly, to bisexuality, to general deep adult conversations.

We exchanged Christmas gifts ... the home baked cookies ... chocolates ... rum! The conversations were more relaxed, but focused. Laughter, good times ensued mixed in with deep topics.

The sun went down ... we ordered take out (yay for Godfather's!) ... we then decided to move into the bedroom suite and get comfortable... from there - let's just say the teacup was ravaged by the dish and Spoon. We ganged up on her, rendering her defenseless (okay - she pretty willfully decided to be defenseless in the first place) as we laid down on each side of her. With her wrists bound in Velcro cuffs - they were tied together brought above her head. A blindfold was applied as she couldn't see what we were doing.

The synergy we shared was really incredible. The touching, the feeling, the kissing, the suckling, and the pinching. The teacup was motionless for the most part - moaning and accepting of our whims. The excitement building inside her ... as I touched her for the very first time ... a very wet slut indeed. The fun continued for most of the night and into the early hours of morning.

Even though there were points of the night where things didn't happen quite the way any of us wanted to ... there is a chemistry there. We have things to work on, we have things to correct and clear up ... but we have a Path. Where this Path takes us - we're letting the universe take us there on the course and timing that we're supposed to.

As the morning continued to unfurl, we showered and talked. The bumps we ran into still need paving and road grading work. The mood was a little somber. There was reality that our time together was drawing to a close more quickly than any of us wanted. We returned to the lunch-time restaurant ... returned to our various topics of discussion before watching the hands of the clock be unsympathetic to the fact we were going to have to leave.

Before we left - we decided to take pictures ... as we found a small neighborhood park ... we giggled ... we laughed ... we smiled and embraced. My love of photography met teacup's ... and I know there will be more shutterbugging happening in our future. After pictures were taken, a group hug ensued followed by "until later" kisses - as goodbye doesn't apply here.

We all came away with the meeting with positive feelings. Chemistry is there and building. Work is still to be done, but we're looking forward to the next phase of things. teacup will come visit us in 2012 and we will likely determine at that time just where we're heading. Adjustments and realities will be the order as we approach her upcoming visit. We have space issues, there's her dog and our girl cat's compatibility problem, there's her job, finances and other nuts and bolts problems that I believe are resolvable.

The underlying feeling though is that it feels great for us - and something we both are looking forward to developing further. The bond we forged in the heartland of Iowa will not be forgotten by any of us. It's a positive step forward that this poly Path may have actually brought someone to us that's compatible and positive.

Not a bad way to start 2012.... :)

The Pearls (or perils) of Cosmo...

My girl gets Cosmo in the mail.

...and like most issues of Cosmo, I just have to shake My head and cringe a bit.

I know that women take different things from the magazine. Some look at the new styles, others look at new make up application techniques and others find some helpful stuff in their articles. But the articles that bother Me the most are the ones where celebs are put on display in some sort of "fashion showdown."

In this last issue danae shared with Me, there's a "flattering vs. fattening" one page comparison. Taking the likes of Reese Witherspoon and calling her fattening ... really? They also pick on Jessica Simpson and Khloe' Kardashian who have very public weight issues - not really fair in My opinion.

In another article there's "Beauty Showdown: Try This / Not That." Again a side by side comparison with celebrities ... and this time they pick Ginnifer Goodwin against Heidi Klum. Now I'm no fashion expert - but I know some of these celebrities style ... of COURSE Heidi is going to be a bit more outrageous than Ginnifer because that's how Heidi is.... Thankfully one would think that Heidi doesn't really give a shit what Cosmo says and does her own thing.

... and I applaud that.

Now I got as far as "The Truth About Faking It" in this issue and I knew a blog entry was going to be necessary because the premise of the article was: "Don't Fake it Day." This line clinched it for Me: "90% say they have no intention of telling their partner they fake it."

The article tries to convince women to not fake it - by giving tips on how to achieve an orgasm. The article doesn't address the whole faking by lying tangent which to Me is the larger problem. I don't want a woman to fake it in order to make Me feel good. Seriously - if you're not getting close to orgasm, I want to know because I don't want you to be frustrated because things just feel off.

Honesty should always prevail over just trying to make Me feel good ...

But I digress...

To be fair to Cosmo, Maxim is just as bad - but Maxim spends at least some of the time lampooning the topics they cover while secretly conveying the point. While I can gleefully thumb through the playful "20 Ways to Use Your Underwear During Sex" articles in Cosmo, it's the remaining self-image crippling articles that bother Me the most. To Me - it's not what some unrealstic-Barbie-esque type perception that matters.

For this Guy at least - I am true to Myself and the things I like. I don't need Cosmo to tell Me what *I* personally like or don't like. I ALREADY KNOW what I like and what I don't. I don't need to know that french cut bikini briefs are in this season ... I like what I like.

But this isn't the case for women. There are incredible pressures to "fit in" and be up on whether or not "green is the new black" or is it brown, or mauve... To be hip and not frumpy or god forbid "fattening." These shoes don't go with that skirt and after living with a girly girl for the last 8 years, I realize it's a rather complex and obscure formula you women go through.

Guys usually don't go through this.

Although I guess I should say: "most guys" because I suppose there are those that obsess about such things. I just don't see the merit of it. I like a style - that's the style I want. I don't need someone to be critical or criticize it.

It simply is.

I just wish that there wasn't such an obsession with it. It's just not a Cosmo thing, because if you're a fan of watching the red carpet shows - it's the same thing ... just live and on TV. Same thing with the awards ceremonies and our reality TV programs like Project Runway (sorry hon). But it's become our culture to criticize someone different by the way they look, how they dress, how they apply their makeup or how big or skinny they might be. What their artistic vision might be and how it compares to someone else ... we live in a comparative society and at times ... it really sucks.

What matters is not if you fit the Cosmo ideal this month (i.e. blue eye shadow makes a comeback, page 84) ... but what your significant other likes. danae does a great job looking at those things and make purchases she knows I would want to see her in. Alternatively, I go with her and pick it out - or we shop online together. The same thing that teacup is learning ... My style is Mine alone. I don't pretend to be politically correct - although I am reasonably focused on appropriateness ... and that to Me, while potentially disappointing - is also necessary and realistic.

It's up to Me to convey and communicate that so that they both know what I desire to see them in. That ... is what matters.

The Meal

A friend of ours on FB recently teased all of her friends with a Ham & Bean soup meal she was preparing for her Master. Naturally all of us clamored on to her post and wanted to road trip it on over for dinner. The trek for us would be 15+ hours and while tantalizing ... also slightly impractical.

A light bulb went off....

I started having these wild ideas about a "meeting in the middle."

Consider this:
- Invited couples and other folks that "get it."
- All converging not at someone's house, but some rental condo or somewhere that can house 6-8 people.
- The slaves get together and form the menu.
- No one pre-prepares anything. That's the rule.
- Specialized cooking equipment is permissible to a point.
- Assignments are shared and decided upon.
- Shopping lists are prepared and distributed accordingly
- We all converge for the weekend.

Here's the twist:
- No scene play, those lifestyle trinkets and attire are permissible
- It won't be a high protocol dinner in the traditional sense (no needing to apply any added pressures)
- Just a gathering of like minded folk, breaking bread and enjoying each other's company.

Shared cost for the condo, shared responsibilities of the meal, everyone responsible for themselves for transportation and other travel intangibles. good companionship, good location, a crackling fire, fine company and a common bond of people coming together to celebrate the life we lead.

Consensual Manipulation

Bending ... yielding ... twisting ... turning ...

Whenever we hear of the word: "manipulation" - it casts such a negative blanket. Manipulation implies a contradiction to free will. It implies a controlling relationship - whether that relationship is watching TV or what we do in the bedroom or the instructions we're given at work. We forget that manipulation is constantly around us from the programs we watch - to the advertisements we're subjected to - to those that we look up to - those who teach us and those we subject our lives to.

Historically - the term manipulation is generally applied to cults and other unsavory groups ... where leaders would employ tactics and tools to ensure their flock remained following. The argument can be made that religion - by and large - is also manipulative. Immediately the hands go up - saying: "people are not forced to go or coerced to stay in church."

True.

But folks enter the lifestyle under the same understanding. They can walk in on their own, they can walk out.

In it's most common form the lifestyle is predicated with a sense of consensual manipulation. submissives and slaves conform to the will of their dominants, Masters and Mistresses. Sometimes it's just a matter of a rule: "go over there, do this." Other times it can be more overt: "beg for it, you know you want it, now..."

It seems basic enough... and yet sometimes it still snags us up a bit.

Why?

Because eventually it comes down to the doormat issue. That topic alone deserves its own posting - but people don't like the connotation of what it means to be manipulated to the point where the capability of making decisions has been surrendered to someone else. It makes that person seem weak - when they aren't. It gives the perception of abuse - when it isn't.

Consensual manipulation comes down to degrees. Just like anything else in the lifestyle - how far you tend to want to take the path down the Rabbit Hole is completely and totally up to each of us. If it's not your brand of punch - move along. But take a moment to become self-aware of the manipulation that constantly swirls around us. Be mindful of the roots of manipulation as it pertains to the lifestyle.

It maybe unsavory to contemplate that we're manipulative in our dynamics ... but we can't ignore how it enhances it.

Dominant #Fail

It's gonna happen.

It's going to be big.

You're going to be poised and placed into positions where you think you have everything mapped out. But.....

You don't.

It's gonna hurt.

It's gonna leave you with a bruised domly ego -- and you're going to be okay.

That's because you're not alone. It's happened to all of us and if you think there's a dominant who has never tumbled, fallen or otherwise did something stupid - then they are simply full of themselves. It's happened to them too - even if the denial wounds their pride a bit.

No matter what the #fail was ... own it.

No matter how big the flub was ... it's yours.

No matter if it's going to torpedo things in the future ... face it.

Eventually the crap we put up with - is stuff we will have to process or have haunt us in the future to come. So why not invest the time necessary to address what happened, recognize it, see what you'd do differently, talk it out with your submissive or slave and start moving forward again?

Because I'll be seen as weak... No it won't. The perception of weakness resides in the integrity you bring to your dynamic. Not whether or not it's going to damage your domly ego or not. A strong dynamic requires a strong person. Someone who can be honest, forthright and responsible for the things we do -- is the mark of a good dominant. Why? Because it starts with us and it ends with us. Anything less than that - and we have to start wondering why we're in an dynamic with another person who surrenders themselves to us when we can't take responsibility for the stuff we do.

Because I'm the Master of her Universe.... "...and I'm Captain America, nice to meet you - haven't seen you at the hero meetings lately...." While it's incredibly romantic and wonderful to be the steady rock in your girl's (or guy's) universe, please keep in mind that rocks are subject to gravity and fall just like all the other pebbles, stones and branches. Rocks are supposed to fall - it's in the gravitational rule book. We can be steady, we can be solid, we can be reliable ... but we need to accept the reality of gravity and the fact that rocks are equally capable of falling in the roadway and causing headaches for drivers. In another words, rocks make mistakes too.

I can do no wrong.... Wrong - you just did. You're human and even if you're the center of the world - even the universe gets it wrong sometimes.

I need to be strong.... You are strong, but strength isn't perfect.

Admitting one's #fail actually becomes a strength. Any submissive or slave that loses the glean in their eye that you've somehow lost your luster because you're an imperfect dominant -- is the mark of someone living the lifestyle a bit too much into some sort of fantasy's realm. Strength comes by revealing our imperfections - by embracing those defects allow us the ability to be empowered by them.

The unfortunate thing is that the lifestyle is designed so that slaves and submissives are punished when they do things wrong ... but there's nothing in the lifestyle rule book that designates what happens with a dominant messes up. That's because we're not supposed to mess up, or we get back on our feet like Pee Wee Herman exclaiming: "I meant to do that."

Reach out to another dominant if you're struggling. Find a friend, seek some wisdom, read up ... develop a plan, but above all else - don't forget to have the conversation with your submissive or slave. They look up to you. They are giving themselves in ways that we love ... so suck up the domly ego ... it's gonna bruise a little. But watch a new found respect emerge ... and slowly let that monkey off your back. As time goes on - admitting our failures and learning from our mistakes makes us better Masters, Mistresses, Dominants and Tops.

...and we all want to be the best for our property, right?

Peaceful

There comes a time in one's Journey when you simply have to release the insecurities that bind you to the universe. Holding onto the things we fear - ultimately keep us from going achieving the things in life we want.

I'm not saying that there's a magical wand that one can swish that makes all of these bonds disappear ... but we can decide at some point that we have to make the effort to do so. Then it becomes a matter of processing and working through it.

Lapses are expected.
Improvement is also expected.

It's the effort, combined with the knowledge, coupled with the support system and under the guide of ourselves ... that ultimately determines the success of such a purge or not. The old adage holds true -- it's not whether we mark progress in feet or miles, sometimes mere inches is enough to begin the momentum process.

Dedicating ourselves to a transition where we peacefully release of our inner-most turmoil is what we should aspire to. Holding onto the things that stress us - only ends up aging us while creating a lot of unnecessary emotional and mental strain on us. Achieving peace - allows us to quiet our minds in the silence we sometimes desperately crave.

Part of that process is figuring out how to let go. Even though it's one of the hardest things we will do in life ... in the end - it's one of the healthiest things too.

Dark, darker, darkest.....

A recent thread on FL got Me thinking about My dark thoughts again.

I keep coming back to the simple barometer: your mileage might vary.

Not everyone is into the dark stuff. That's okay because some people are. Moreover it shouldn't be the plight of folks in the lifestyle to soar to darkness or any gradient in between.

It's your Path.

It's your choice.

How we decide to live - yours and Mine - in terms of where that line is and what we do with it is different and unique ... as it should be.

But the discussion inevitably leads to trying to define where the line is ... (i.e. where the darkness ends and abuse begin.) Yet one has to admit that this "uncool" line is different for everyone. That's why I've been a staunch opponent for establishing any sort of ... line ... because My line is going to be different than yours. That's reasonable, expected and something that makes sense. Of course if we have different lines and I'm trying to drag you beyond yours then there's going to be some problems.

Trying to gauge where dark transforms to abuse is different for everyone. By and large the most central component in our lifestyle remains the basic construct of consensuality between like-minded adults. If someone likes to be whipped, but needs to have control with the rest of their lives - good for them. The same holds true for those that desire and want to be deconstructed. Just because it doesn't fit your ideal in what you seek or define for yourself, doesn't make it abuse because there are other rational people in the world that see what we do (flogging, bondage, spankings) as dehumanizing and abusive. We all wear that mark - regardless of where we fall in the spectrum.

Just because it's not your cup of kink - doesn't mean others can't or shouldn't enjoy it for themselves.