Keys

Today's rant has to do with Dominant responsibilities.. I've quietly maintained the thought and attitude of: Every Dominant, Each Unto Their Own... Basically saying: "Look, we're all doing things a little bit differently and there's no right or wrong way of doing it.." Okay - I say that - and I know that I could be painting Myself into a hypocritical corner, but I'm really dismayed at what I see in some Dominant's behavior as being "acceptable" for some reason.. But today, I can honestly say that I'm sick of that motto (Each unto their own) because we dismiss so many important keys and traits that go into a healthy relationship - and most of the time, we're not aware that we're doing it..

The following is a list of keys that are necessary to be a good Dominant.. If we ignore these keys or dismiss them as "it's the way *I* handle MY relationships" then I encourage you to come back to this blog six months from now when you're either: a.) you're single again, b.) you've fucked up another relationship, c.) you're incorrectly blaming the submissive or slave for fucking up the relationship or d.) in a huge relationship mess..

For those that continue to read on, let's remember that there are a lot of keys in relationships.. Even though many of these keys are similar to our vanilla counterparts, realistically they are different in many ways.. I bring this rant to the table because Today's Dominant are missing valuable keys that can better their relationship, improve their outlook, and continue to build upon a foundation that fosters the fundamentals that we all come to rely on.. I'm amazed whenever I read about an errant Dominant, or one that posts a response on an issue without having a grain of brain activity before ACTING, TYPING, TALKING on any given issue..

Consistency -- how can we expect our slaves and submissives to serve us well if we keep changing the rules or don't follow-through with the administration of discipline..

Understanding what Discipline is -- contrary to what *some* may see as discipline, it doesn't involve a whip, a cane, or a paddle.. It's the maintenance of structure for the relationship..

Maintenance -- I need to stress this again: MAINTENANCE is a prerequisite in any relationship, but in M/s and D/s relationships - it's paramount.. If you can't adequately maintain the real life things that come up -- then one has to ask themselves exactly what qualifies them to have the ability to maintain a much more intense relationship..

Responsibility -- Accepting responsibility is so encompassing, most Dominants don't have a fathomable clue what it means.. I'm ultimately responsible for what happens to danae, to Me, to the house, My cats -- anything that is under My control..

Clearly Understanding Causality -- Don't know what causality is?? Look it up.. Things happen for a reason - there are reasons why things happen -- why dismiss an issue because "it was PMS," or "a bad day at work??" Why not do some Sherlock Holmes and investigate the REASONS why an issue is *there* to begin with.. Remember - you *did* accept the responsibility by making someone your slave or submissive.. Understanding the reasons why things happen makes situations easier to deal with.. Allowing deeper rooted problems to exist - only manifest these issues until something really ugly happens..

If You Don't See It - It Doesn't Exist -- Unlike the motto: "if a tree falls in a forest, does it still make a sound", Dominants *need* to be as omnipotent and knowing as possible.. If a Dominant loses touch of their submissives or slaves - that Dominant is encouraging problems to intervene down the road.. It may not be a road sign, a horn, or a flag at that particular moment, but if you tie this concept in with causality, then it's clearly obvious that some things take a considerable amount of time to form.. It may not be as the result of a singular activity - as it may encompass tens or hundreds of things that allowed the situation to prosper..

Ignoring/Avoiding or Generally Skirting Around The Topic -- Just because we don't want a situation to boil to a head, doesn't mean that we should turn our head and pretend it doesn't exist.. Allowing the pot to boil over can cause a much greater mess in a relationship, than confronting the issue head on..

Communicate -- A basic necessity in all relationships - somehow gets forgotten about the most.. submissives and slaves are not mind-readers, even though they do their best to anticipate our needs and wants at any given moment.. We have to be open with our thoughts, our wishes, our ideas even if it may lead to some sort of disagreement or clash of wills.. Encouraging this line of communication is not just desirable, but it's absolutely necessary for the health of the relationship..

Foresight -- Simply put - if Dominants can't see what's happening down the road - they shouldn't be driving the car.. Can't look ahead, focused too much on one thing alone, can't predict the actions -- slow .... down...... or stop..

Anticipation -- I slap danae in the face really hard.. Her response: she tears up, cowers a little bit, gently brings her hand up in case I were to hit again, breathing increases.. Anticipation -- the belief in knowing what a possible out come will be *before* it happens.. Sometimes I know I don't anticipate as much as I should.. Saying something at the wrong time - is a prime example.. I tease a lot - I always have and likely always will.. So sometimes I forget to anticipate when I tease danae about something - and that ultimately makes her feel hurt, down, or like she has been picked on for a long time.. I lose My head - and didn't anticipate what her reaction would be -- that My bad.. Not hers..

"I Was Wrong" -- Dominants are perfectly capable of being boneheads, but it takes a strong person to admit when they are wrong.. Dismissing, excusing everything, blaming others, or chalking it up to anything/anyone besides the ONE person that deserves it: The Dominant.. I just feel like bitch slapping a Dominant who believes they don't have to say they are wrong just because "I am the Dominant, I don't have to.." BULLSHIT Drag your ass from your fantasy based mindset and take responsibility pal.. We're not Gods, we are just as capable if not more able to make mistakes than our submissives and slaves..

Garbage In, Garbage Out -- A product can only be as good as the person putting it together.. An old adage, but clearly applies here because: Dominants are ultimately responsible if a submissive or a slave does not perform correctly.. Instead of beating her ass, making her feel like she can't do anything right - show her what she's done wrong, show her what she's supposed to do, and then follow-up with what happened.. That's positive discipline.. It's positive because it positive reinforces how a Dominant wants their submissive to act, respond, behave..

Keys..

Locks need keys..

There's no need to beat a door when you have a key that works on the door..

There's no point of getting upset when the door doesn't open, there's no need to break down the door because it wouldn't open.. It's not the door's fault.. It's not the lock's fault.. It's not even the key's fault.. But if a key doesn't work then we need to try a different key to open the door on our lovely submissives and slaves..

Banging the door, breaking it in half, ripping it from the door frame scares the slave or submissive, our response to the door makes them question their approach, question what they are doing, making a stable environment, unstable.. If you have your keys, you need to respect them, know them, and be cognizant when they fail, when they are in need of repair, or when they work well.. Breaking a key inside of a lock causes more grief and exasperation..

Dominants hold the keys to the success or failure of their relationship..

It's all about the keys....