I came across this article via a friend's blog.. And it just hit Me silly.. I admire and respect our friend's viewpoint - as the fundamental issue has to do with to what level do we allow ourselves to be exposed to the vanilla world.. I can see her point and on a fundamental level - I might even agree to a degree..
But then I turn My un-jaded eyes to the world around us ... look around.. Everyday, we're all "forced" to endure some sort of imagery, action, or statement which we don't agree with -- and may even judge the person on account of whether it was even appropriate to produce such an account for the world to see.. Whether it's watching violence in our TV news, or driving by the extremely unsettling anti-abortion billboards, or whether we see a public demonstration on our street corner.. Unless you stay home, lock yourself in, don't touch your computer, burn your newspaper, turn on your TV or radio and even unplug your phone -- you're bound to run across something in your day that just rubs your hair the wrong way..
That's just how life is unless you're in a pre-1980's Soviet Union or in today's China..
No matter how sterile we try to lead our lives, the Janet Jackson accidents (or non-accidents) will continue to affect us no matter if you walk through the mall and see the spiked hair, dog collar goth or whether you're standing in the checkout line and overhear an inappropriate discussion about God and abortions between the cashier and a customer when all you wanted to do is pay for your goods and walk out.. It's bound to happen and I walk through the rest of My day accepting that fact..
That's why when I look around at the "other vulgarities" of the world that day -- I guess I just don't see the issue with the couple on the bus.. They violated no law, their reaction was based on the original "freak" comment made by the bus driver and I simply do not see what harm was bestowed among the people on the bus that day.. The notion that parents would have to explain the couple to their children isn't any different than when parents have to explain why the police cars are down the street with crime scene tape around a vicious shooting.. It's no different than when you're driving down the highway and see an anti-abortion billboard and have to explain the meaning of it.. It's no different than when the child comes home from school and to have his/her parents explain what "gay" is after being called gay at the school playground.. It's no different than trying to rationalize a senseless act of 9/11 to a child..
Today's kids are subjected to an inordinate about of vulgarities and it's impossible to manage all of them.. More importantly, I grew up in a generation where you heard about stuff, you could see it, and ultimately you could decide how it affects you.. (but don't get Me started on the whole "protect the child" topic -- because there's a book in there somewhere....)
My point is - measuring, interpreting and incorporating the vulgarities around us is nothing new or profound.. Society has already scored us in whatever convenient category and the media, movies, TV, and pontiffs will continue to portray us in whatever light they want -- period.. We can't change that because as we all know: unless people are open to the idea - (at least to the point of understanding it) - then they won't get it nor will they even go as far as to respect it.. We can't change the perception - not when we have block parties like the annual celebration in Folsom, California each year of "scary people in leather and chains.." ::gasps in feigned horror::
The fact that this couple opted to put their lifestyle on display - only to follow it up with a public exchange about the lifestyle -- is pretty bold in My humble opinion.. Do I scold them, no.. Do I agree with their actions, no.. Why??
Because we *are* freaks..
Yes we are..
And I have no problem saying we're freaks, well ... because -- we are..
It's a harsh, negative, condescending word fueled by speculation, ignorance, and just plain bullish.. The insecure vanillas of the world use "freak" because they choose not to want to understand – and that’s their choice.. And that's why I believe it's not necessary to condemn or condone the couple's actions -- because it does come back to the matter of choice.. In as much as we have the power of choice to change the channel when we don't like the programming, in as much as we have the power of choice to cancel the subscription to a magazine that puts offensive content in its issues or when we choose to set aside our prospective purchases at the supermarket and walk out because we do not agree with the appropriate discussion between a cashier and customer -- it's all about choice.. People who did not want to observe the exchange or was offended by the couple could’ve exercised their choice by exiting the bus..
...and the couple clearly exercised their degree of "choice" by taking it to this level...
My point is - even if the couple took the leash off, sat stoically without responding to the bus driver's comments -- people are still going to call them "freaks" regardless.. But let's remove the collar and other fashion identifiers out there -- here we have a young couple, seemingly normal -- but they're still freaks .... WE'RE still freaks.. Merely removing the chains, smoothing down the hair, and keeping our thoughts to ourselves doesn't make any of us any less freaks..
We’re still going to be freaks whether we dress up in our leathers and chains or if we try to blend in with our vanilla society.. It simply doesn’t matter..
Deep down, I feel I would be a hypocrite if I went along with the notion that what the couple did was wrong.. I have has danae and other submissives in public in different situations wherein the “kink was showing” – whether it be by a prevalent collar, a rope harness, or by wearing something slutty.. Did I blatantly offend someone?? I have no idea.. Did I care?? Absolutely not.. They see far more upsetting things on CSI or on the real news.. Not when many of these vanillas are immersed in the ideals predicated by soap operas where there are countless lust affairs, extra-marital sex, murder, drug addictions and unwanted babies.. Not when we have publications like Cosmopolitan which borders on being a sex magazine which advocates 25 ways to get your man off.. Not when we have some politicians who want to re-write the Constitution to fit the Bible, when that’s not going to be possible at a time of armed conflict or by acquiring wealth..
Ultimately, I don't feel it's necessary for us to protect the vanilla world because the vanilla world is far beyond the help of our protection.. Not when we're constantly faced with a barrage of incredibly vulgar acts each and every single day.. No matter how much we try to sanitize ourselves, hide ourselves in our basement dungeons and closets: vanillas aren't going to change.. While I agree that the bus incident does nothing to promote the lifestyle in a favorable light -- it's time for all of us freaks to realize that there’s absolutely *nothing* we can do to ever promote the lifestyle in a favorable light..
Maybe that’ll be different in the next generation, but in the meanwhile, we are all Forever Freaks..
Monday, January 28, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Looking Back
I got an email from one of those places online that tracks your high school chums.. (yes, it's probably the site you're thinking of ... but I'm not going to mention it here because I don't want Goggle to find it..)
But I've been finding Myself looking back a lot lately.. First, I got an "out of the blue" letter from my ex-wife, second a long time hangout that we all used to hang out in is being torn down and lastly -- the entire notion of going to My upcoming reunion.. All of those things have crashed in one form or another in the span of just over a week..
And I have a great deal of mixed feelings about it all....
Out of the Blue: This past year would've marked My 10-year wedding anniversary.. The date came and went -- I actually missed it as it went by.. And when I did remember it -- I nodded and shrugged it off.. We didn't part on the greatest of terms, for reasons I won't extrapolate here -- but suffice to say there was a lot of stuff that I had to process before I moved on.. And I did.. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't clean, it wasn't easy -- but I safely stowed all of the resentment, all of the anger and all of the lies .... everything was processed, dealt with and otherwise handled..
So her letter came as a surprise and was unexpected -- and yes, I was taken aback by it.. It's the first contact I've had with her for over 9 years.. I mulled it over that night, talked to danae about it, and continued to process it like I had done years before.. There was no angst, there was no anxiety, there was nothing on the horizon that would affect Me any further.. I was just feeling a little shell-shocked more than anything.. Her letter invited Me to email her - and I felt compelled initially, but that feeling has since waned.. I re-read her letter the next day and I reviewed the points she was making and it was clear that her reality was much different in handling what happened between us than what actually happened.. I don't fault her - nor do I feel compelled to correct her -- because it serves no purpose except to pull back those layers which have healed successfully already and cause some additional scorching.. Right or wrong - I think I've made the right choice there..
The Old Hangout Busted up: My folks have long since told Me that a mall I frequented was being torn down.. At first, I was like: "okay, cool, whatever.." And it didn't bother Me.. When I was over there this past week however, I felt a sadness, a sense of emptiness that one of the places I went to all the time -- was being dismantled.. Twisted steel, broken pieces of concrete, mangled drywall and other fixtures where slowly being brought down -- almost as though with ballet precision between the immense machinery.. A lot of memories:
- The book store
- A music store
- An old Woolworth's and Wag's restaurant
- the courtyard fountains
- the echoing hallways where I performed several concerts
- the theater
- Montgomery Ward's and other big chain stores
- Orange Julius
- A comic book store
- Round the Corner burgers
Gone..
It's dark passageway was now split open exposing the chambers and recesses to this kind of light for the very first time since it was built in the early 1970's.. The landscape was being flattened and otherwise re-shaped for the new businesses and high rises that will soon takes its place..
It might seem funny to have such grief over the collapse of a building like this -- but the memories seemed to dissipate in the dust covered debris -- almost being lifted away from its stoic conception -- being free.. I wish I could say that all the memories were good in this place, but it was a safe refuge for My Mom and I -- as we would make it our "Friday treat" to go there, to window shop, grab a coke or something, and just walk around because we really didn't have any money to do anything else.. It was free entertainment -- in preparation of what was about to happen later in the evening...
...because we knew that My Dad was partying late into the night .... and if he was doing that, then life would be hell for My Mom that evening and possibly for the rest of the weekend.. My Dad is a very angry, impatient drunk -- and would take it out on My mother and us kids (but mostly on My Mom..) So there's some mixed feelings as My Mom and I looked at this hallowed land -- we know what happened, we were there.. Over 25 years have passed since those fearful times - I wish I could say that My Dad changed for the better ... but that wouldn't be true..
That class reunion thingy...: Which brings Me to the last tidbit here that I'm wrestling with the most.. The reality of one's class reunion is predicated on the belief that: "we all change.." And for Me, that's exactly right on target in so many ways that would probably cause people to drop their fork on their plate with their mouth agape.. Because even as far back as My marriage -- just barely 10 years past -- I'm so incredibly different in just a decade much less even beginning to try to relate to that guy who ate his sack lunch in the empty auditorium each day..
I was back in high school -- and I realize deep down .... I'm not supposed to.. But I can't help the belief that people go to these things fully expecting to see: "oh my god she's changed so much" to "oh my god he's gotten so fat!!" And we're right back why I avoided this crap in high school: I simply despise the notion of going to these things as merely a means to determine how much of a failure you are in comparison to your classmates.. And please don't mistake what I just typed -- because deep down, I hardly consider Myself a failure .... but I don't need the social comparisons to figure out what caste system I currently belong to now..
I am My own person - and I really like who he is..
So while others might use this as a time to "catch up" -- I simply don't have that desire built-in at the moment.. I don't keep in contact with the friends I had back then unless they need My help to get them out of whatever jam they found themselves in.. I was a very shy, kept to Myself, kind of guy.. I didn't really associate with any one particular crowd and I found great peace by just being by Myself.. Why consume Myself with the ongoing political correctness in trying to "keep up with My chums" just so that they can bask in the glow of their various trips to Italy and Greece while showing Me pictures of their 3.4 kids?? What is with this incessant desire to share every single morsel of your life since high school?? It's 20 years later -- I'm fat, I'm balding, My life has had more twists and turns than a Grand Prix race -- and yet I don't feel the need to have any part of My ego stroked for "doing well" or by realizing that I'm more successful than Brian who was the brain of the group -- who is currently a convenience clerk at the local supermarket..
But when I look at the big picture - only one or two of My classmate friends even know that I'm in the lifestyle and even then - that was extremely painful to admit to them.. I have no idea if that knowledge has since circulated among those that I would consider "My friends" -- but ultimately I don't care.. What I do care about is the incredibly horrific thought of swimming with the 'nillas for a "fun-filled evening down memory lane" just makes Me want to take in a night of forks scrapping horizontally and vertically down some blackboard somewhere while amplified by a megaphone..
I fully realize that some people look at reunions in a much different, more positive light.. But if the message boards are any indication of the drama that generally happens at these things ... then I think I'll be busy that weekend..
But I've been finding Myself looking back a lot lately.. First, I got an "out of the blue" letter from my ex-wife, second a long time hangout that we all used to hang out in is being torn down and lastly -- the entire notion of going to My upcoming reunion.. All of those things have crashed in one form or another in the span of just over a week..
And I have a great deal of mixed feelings about it all....
Out of the Blue: This past year would've marked My 10-year wedding anniversary.. The date came and went -- I actually missed it as it went by.. And when I did remember it -- I nodded and shrugged it off.. We didn't part on the greatest of terms, for reasons I won't extrapolate here -- but suffice to say there was a lot of stuff that I had to process before I moved on.. And I did.. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't clean, it wasn't easy -- but I safely stowed all of the resentment, all of the anger and all of the lies .... everything was processed, dealt with and otherwise handled..
So her letter came as a surprise and was unexpected -- and yes, I was taken aback by it.. It's the first contact I've had with her for over 9 years.. I mulled it over that night, talked to danae about it, and continued to process it like I had done years before.. There was no angst, there was no anxiety, there was nothing on the horizon that would affect Me any further.. I was just feeling a little shell-shocked more than anything.. Her letter invited Me to email her - and I felt compelled initially, but that feeling has since waned.. I re-read her letter the next day and I reviewed the points she was making and it was clear that her reality was much different in handling what happened between us than what actually happened.. I don't fault her - nor do I feel compelled to correct her -- because it serves no purpose except to pull back those layers which have healed successfully already and cause some additional scorching.. Right or wrong - I think I've made the right choice there..
The Old Hangout Busted up: My folks have long since told Me that a mall I frequented was being torn down.. At first, I was like: "okay, cool, whatever.." And it didn't bother Me.. When I was over there this past week however, I felt a sadness, a sense of emptiness that one of the places I went to all the time -- was being dismantled.. Twisted steel, broken pieces of concrete, mangled drywall and other fixtures where slowly being brought down -- almost as though with ballet precision between the immense machinery.. A lot of memories:
- The book store
- A music store
- An old Woolworth's and Wag's restaurant
- the courtyard fountains
- the echoing hallways where I performed several concerts
- the theater
- Montgomery Ward's and other big chain stores
- Orange Julius
- A comic book store
- Round the Corner burgers
Gone..
It's dark passageway was now split open exposing the chambers and recesses to this kind of light for the very first time since it was built in the early 1970's.. The landscape was being flattened and otherwise re-shaped for the new businesses and high rises that will soon takes its place..
It might seem funny to have such grief over the collapse of a building like this -- but the memories seemed to dissipate in the dust covered debris -- almost being lifted away from its stoic conception -- being free.. I wish I could say that all the memories were good in this place, but it was a safe refuge for My Mom and I -- as we would make it our "Friday treat" to go there, to window shop, grab a coke or something, and just walk around because we really didn't have any money to do anything else.. It was free entertainment -- in preparation of what was about to happen later in the evening...
...because we knew that My Dad was partying late into the night .... and if he was doing that, then life would be hell for My Mom that evening and possibly for the rest of the weekend.. My Dad is a very angry, impatient drunk -- and would take it out on My mother and us kids (but mostly on My Mom..) So there's some mixed feelings as My Mom and I looked at this hallowed land -- we know what happened, we were there.. Over 25 years have passed since those fearful times - I wish I could say that My Dad changed for the better ... but that wouldn't be true..
That class reunion thingy...: Which brings Me to the last tidbit here that I'm wrestling with the most.. The reality of one's class reunion is predicated on the belief that: "we all change.." And for Me, that's exactly right on target in so many ways that would probably cause people to drop their fork on their plate with their mouth agape.. Because even as far back as My marriage -- just barely 10 years past -- I'm so incredibly different in just a decade much less even beginning to try to relate to that guy who ate his sack lunch in the empty auditorium each day..
I was back in high school -- and I realize deep down .... I'm not supposed to.. But I can't help the belief that people go to these things fully expecting to see: "oh my god she's changed so much" to "oh my god he's gotten so fat!!" And we're right back why I avoided this crap in high school: I simply despise the notion of going to these things as merely a means to determine how much of a failure you are in comparison to your classmates.. And please don't mistake what I just typed -- because deep down, I hardly consider Myself a failure .... but I don't need the social comparisons to figure out what caste system I currently belong to now..
I am My own person - and I really like who he is..
So while others might use this as a time to "catch up" -- I simply don't have that desire built-in at the moment.. I don't keep in contact with the friends I had back then unless they need My help to get them out of whatever jam they found themselves in.. I was a very shy, kept to Myself, kind of guy.. I didn't really associate with any one particular crowd and I found great peace by just being by Myself.. Why consume Myself with the ongoing political correctness in trying to "keep up with My chums" just so that they can bask in the glow of their various trips to Italy and Greece while showing Me pictures of their 3.4 kids?? What is with this incessant desire to share every single morsel of your life since high school?? It's 20 years later -- I'm fat, I'm balding, My life has had more twists and turns than a Grand Prix race -- and yet I don't feel the need to have any part of My ego stroked for "doing well" or by realizing that I'm more successful than Brian who was the brain of the group -- who is currently a convenience clerk at the local supermarket..
But when I look at the big picture - only one or two of My classmate friends even know that I'm in the lifestyle and even then - that was extremely painful to admit to them.. I have no idea if that knowledge has since circulated among those that I would consider "My friends" -- but ultimately I don't care.. What I do care about is the incredibly horrific thought of swimming with the 'nillas for a "fun-filled evening down memory lane" just makes Me want to take in a night of forks scrapping horizontally and vertically down some blackboard somewhere while amplified by a megaphone..
I fully realize that some people look at reunions in a much different, more positive light.. But if the message boards are any indication of the drama that generally happens at these things ... then I think I'll be busy that weekend..
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Remembering 2007
One of the things that most news programs do is to wrap up their 10 most talked about news stories as well as who we lost in the last 12 months.. I've always been amazed by the popular people that have died over the span of the year - and the big names just keep coming up.. I won't list all of the names, but at least the ones that had any meaning to Me..
Dan Fogelberg, 56. I read a tribute the other day from a cartoon writer who was very passionate about Dan.. As I read it - I realized that in so many ways I could relate to him as he really wanted to do a jazz record, but realized that it was never going to be very profitable.. Thus putting one's priorities ahead of one's wants or desires.. Thankfully I've emerged from that shell a bit and I'm doing the things I want to be doing and by the sounds of it -- Dan was doing the same thing towards the end of his life..
Robert Goulet, 73.
Johnny Hart, 76. Cartoonist of the comic strip "B.C."
Norman Mailer, 84.
Marcel Marceau, 84. Said to have died quietly.... (sorry, couldn't resist)
Max Roach, 83. Jazz drummer
Arthur M. Schlesinger Jr., 89. Pulitzer-winning historian
Sidney Sheldon, 89. Stage, screen writer turned best-selling novelist
Beverly Sills, 78.
Kurt Vonnegut, 84.
Ingmar Bergman, 87.
Joey Bishop, 89. The last Rat Packer
Yvonne De Carlo, 84. Mrs. Munster.
Merv Griffin, 82.
Kitty Carlisle Hart, 96.
Don Herbert, 89. Television's "Mr. Wizard."
Deborah Kerr, 86. Actress who kissed Burt Lancaster on a beach in "From Here to Eternity" and danced with Yul Brynner in "The King and I."
Tom Poston, 85.
Charles Nelson Reilly, 76.
Tom Snyder, 71.
Jane Wyman, 90.
Jerry Falwell, 73. Not fond of his views -- but definitely changed the world we lived in..
Lady Bird Johnson, 94.
Boris Yeltsin, 76.
Warren Avis, 92. Avis-Rent-a-car
Liz Claiborne, 78. Fashion
Bob Evans, 89. Same as the restaurant chain...
Ernest Gallo, 97. Wine maker
Jack Valenti, 85. The guy who gave us the ratings system for movies....
Bill Walsh, 75.
Art Buchwald, 81.
Evel Knievel, 69.
Walter M. Schirra Jr., 84. Astronaut
Paul Tibbets, 92. Piloted the B-29 that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima. Nov. 1.
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borrowed from here
Dan Fogelberg, 56. I read a tribute the other day from a cartoon writer who was very passionate about Dan.. As I read it - I realized that in so many ways I could relate to him as he really wanted to do a jazz record, but realized that it was never going to be very profitable.. Thus putting one's priorities ahead of one's wants or desires.. Thankfully I've emerged from that shell a bit and I'm doing the things I want to be doing and by the sounds of it -- Dan was doing the same thing towards the end of his life..
Robert Goulet, 73.
Johnny Hart, 76. Cartoonist of the comic strip "B.C."
Norman Mailer, 84.
Marcel Marceau, 84. Said to have died quietly.... (sorry, couldn't resist)
Max Roach, 83. Jazz drummer
Arthur M. Schlesinger Jr., 89. Pulitzer-winning historian
Sidney Sheldon, 89. Stage, screen writer turned best-selling novelist
Beverly Sills, 78.
Kurt Vonnegut, 84.
Ingmar Bergman, 87.
Joey Bishop, 89. The last Rat Packer
Yvonne De Carlo, 84. Mrs. Munster.
Merv Griffin, 82.
Kitty Carlisle Hart, 96.
Don Herbert, 89. Television's "Mr. Wizard."
Deborah Kerr, 86. Actress who kissed Burt Lancaster on a beach in "From Here to Eternity" and danced with Yul Brynner in "The King and I."
Tom Poston, 85.
Charles Nelson Reilly, 76.
Tom Snyder, 71.
Jane Wyman, 90.
Jerry Falwell, 73. Not fond of his views -- but definitely changed the world we lived in..
Lady Bird Johnson, 94.
Boris Yeltsin, 76.
Warren Avis, 92. Avis-Rent-a-car
Liz Claiborne, 78. Fashion
Bob Evans, 89. Same as the restaurant chain...
Ernest Gallo, 97. Wine maker
Jack Valenti, 85. The guy who gave us the ratings system for movies....
Bill Walsh, 75.
Art Buchwald, 81.
Evel Knievel, 69.
Walter M. Schirra Jr., 84. Astronaut
Paul Tibbets, 92. Piloted the B-29 that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima. Nov. 1.
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borrowed from here
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