Considering Circumstances

One of the things that both danae and I agreed upon when we set out on this poly path was that we had a pretty well rounded idea of what we wanted. It was molded and crafted after several discussions to the point where it was pretty well locked in. The prerequisites were not easy. Non-smokers, real-time, single, non-attached, able to handle being in a polyfidelitious relationship in a loving, sadomasochistic, dark-minded M/s dynamic.

That’s still what we ultimately seek.

In our search, I’ve come across some good people who didn’t exactly fit the mold we were looking for, but someone who I thought could possibly serve in the capacity they were able to. Maybe they had kids, were married, were otherwise in a situation where relocation was not possible (or desired), or the chemistry was prohibitive for reasons beyond the parameters danae and I laid out.

Their situations were not unlike our own in a way. Seeking something somewhat unattainable and getting frustrated in the process. A submissive I once I talked with didn’t plant a seed, but somehow festered the following the thought avenue to emerge:

”Why not consider circumstances for what they are and live with them to the extent we can?”

In another words: why not be open to situations that may not be perfect while in the midst of searching for the one we’re looking for?

More on that in a moment…

I then started to think about all of the single mothers, broken marriages and other less than perfect situations that are out there. I could see both dominants and submissives living their lives vicariously online because their realities simply can’t handle it. How they are reminded of their impossible situation each time they look in the mirror. How their situation scares away so many who have no outlet, no real way to live the lifestyle they crave because their reality keeps them stymied until the kids graduate or until the marriage runs its course.

Maybe it’s the “fixer” in Me. Maybe it’s the part of Me that wants to help others and give something to someone who doesn’t have what danae and I have.

I know it’s not about settling.

I know it’s not about giving into a situation that is less than what danae and I seek.

But over the last year I have entertained situations that don’t fit what we ultimately seek. Yes, the reality is that nothing is 100% perfect and I realize that. I also realize that there are some things I cannot move on. For example, even though I can’t move My limit on kids - doesn’t mean that I haven’t stopped from considering such a situation. It would mean that this submissive can only serve Me so far. I’m okay with that as long as everyone knows how the situation is and how far it could possibly go.

Can it get sticky later on?

Of course it can.

We’re organic in nature, we’re always changing and situations evolve from one moment to the next. Change is bound to happen regardless if we’re involved with someone or not. Are the assumed risks involved in some of these situations too much? Are the possible entanglements and risks of delving too deep - too much in considering situations such as these?

Yes, this might mean that the situation falls apart down the road with feelings hurt and crushed in the process … but they call that life. If we lived in little bubbles with protective head gear, safety belts and air bags………. (wait - scratch that…)

…the point being is that every situation is going to carry risks. Even if the alignment is perfect and all things are hitting on all points … there are risks that it won’t last or the chemistry just breaks down. Then of course, there’s the concern of what happens to the dynamic if (and when) we find someone who will be able to fit into that long-term r/t position. What happens to the other dynamics that were established?

But the flip side of that situation is equally fair. If the submissive/slave happens to find someone that better suits their situation then they should have the same flexibility to switch as well. For example, a slave who has kids who finds a single Master that wants to own her and embrace her family dynamic. That would mean substantial changes to the dynamic I would have with her and with us.

Those are the risks and if it’s accepted as such with the parameters, honesty, communication and respect - then: why not?

When we break it down, we are all ultimately a series of complex situations coupled with vast experiences and unique perspectives. Just because the situations may be less than perfect does not mean the passion is any less. It doesn’t mean the fire isn’t diminished or otherwise extinguished for the next 18 years before the kids graduate.

Life is more forgiving than that and it would be foolish to pass up opportunities that at least allow us the opportunity to have fun, to explore and otherwise live what we wouldn’t have done if our doors and windows were shut and locked waiting for the perfect one to knock on our door like it happens in the movies.

I realize this blog post may set a new tone for My views on poly. Maybe I have grown a bit in My poly-maturity. Maybe I have seen the possible rewards of investing in those that don’t have anyone due to their circumstances, who still want and need things that are ignored because of their situation. These submissives and slaves are still very passionate about what they have to offer - even if their realities are hobbled or heavily conditioned with confines and provisions.

Many may have passed them by - but I’m re-thinking My process a bit to take another look or two before deciding if the situation can be workable.

Something to think about…