But that's not what mentoring actually is.
The term comes from Greek mythology - meaning "father like teacher." Which also carries a certain feel as an apprenticeship between two people. And thanks to wiki - we can see notable relationships like how Bach mentored Mozart, or Roger Corman mentored Ron Howard and James Cameron ... and even though there are examples of some crossed mentors from different fields, but they are generally in the same genre, in the same mode.
That's one of several reasons why it makes sense to have dominants mentoring other dominants and submissives mentoring other submissives.
Doing it that way removes the sexual anticipation and other lifestyle related expectations. That allows the "father like teacher" process to happen smoother. Mentors are guides. They hold your hand and help you figure out your particular niche. They influence and wield a great deal of influence.
...with such influence carries and equally incredible amount of responsibility.
It's not just about teaching the basics: "this is a flogger, these are spankings, this is where you tie rope..." ...mentoring is much larger than that. Go back to "father like teacher" definition - who shapes and molds not just the specific things life has to offer, but the overall course of how things pan out.
Being a mentor takes the Path of someone and makes that person realize it in its full potential.
Being a mentor is about listening to that person more than tugging their leash and prodding them along the Path YOU think they are destined to be on. It's not YOUR Path ... it's theirs. It's hard not to interject our own experiences - in an effort to guide, encourage or otherwise lead your protege. It's also hard not to interject your own commentary and opinion when a question or issue is raised. Mentors teach and guide without impressing significant influence.
Mentors allow the protege to find their own Path ... and in that process - there has to be room for growth. And just like parenting - there does come a point where the guide, influence and teachings have fulfilled their function ... and the protege is encouraged to venture out on their own.
So.....
The broadest advice I can offer:
- Be patient.
- If you want to experience things in the lifestyle - find a good friend. Build trust, ask questions, visit forums, visit chat rooms, explore and read.
- Open your mind and don't be afraid. There's an incredible diversity that the lifestyle offers. It's not always going to be your cup of tea - even if it is someone else's kink.
- After awhile if you want to experience things in a dungeon - find a good friend that's a dominant or a top -- that's willing to show you the ropes. Go to events, watch, talk, learn.
- Be patient, take your time.
- It's natural to want to dive right in - to think that the dominant you're chatting in IM from New York is the real deal ... but if you're not prepared to be broadsided - then the first time is going to hurt pretty badly.
- Learn to fall gracefully. It's going to happen. The scammers, fakes and wannabes are out there a plenty. But real people are out there too.
- Be patient, take your time. Nothing has to happen today, right now, this instant. Good things will always be there regardless of how long it takes you to reach your destination.
- Don't subscribe and limit yourself to just one point of view. Don't let yourself be skewed by one set of colored shades. There's a full spectrum of difference ... why hone in on just one part of an expansive scale?
- Be responsible. Look for signs, LISTEN to your warning flags, and most important: "be honest and true to yourself at all times."
Lastly - there's only one right way in the lifestyle - and that's the Path you ultimately choose for yourself. You will be inundated with a wide range of viewpoints. Make the Path your own - and remain true to yourself.
Enjoy the ride - because you're in for a treat. :)
