The Journey

Meeting The Teacup

2012-01-01T17:41:00.004-07:00

Sometimes you just have to trust in the stars and navigational currents to make things happen. If anyone would've asked us on Thanksgiving if we were going to get a chance to meet the teacup - we both would've said: "sometime next year we all hope."

The amazing thing is that when all the pieces fell into place ... they fell into place remarkably well considering the incredibly long line of things that needed to happen to make the visit possible. The scheduling, the time spent in Minnesota, the return trip, work, finances, the weather .... the universe took care of things. Even as I type this - I'm a bit in awe about how well the universe brought things together.

As we pulled into Des Moines on that incredibly blustery day ... our nerves were reaching the edge of our senses. We met up at the hotel parking lot as that was a nice central meeting place. I parked next to her vehicle and we all got out of our cars. Big smiles abound as our eyes lit up ... finally nice to meet after spending the last few months chit chatting online. Hugs were met as we all didn't know what to say initially. The clumsiness of first introductions - but there was a calmness, a familiarity, a sense of belonging.

We drove down to a restaurant that we all spotted driving to the hotel. We sat and ordered lunch ... only to proceed to talk about our various Christmas experiences and general light conversation about this, that and other. Lunch was good, the conversation was comfortable and we decided to go check-in. After spending several minutes fully unloading our car (which is no small feat mind you), we sat and talked about a myriad of different things. We talked freely, we talked openly, we covered a wide range of topics from poly, to bisexuality, to general deep adult conversations.

We exchanged Christmas gifts ... the home baked cookies ... chocolates ... rum! The conversations were more relaxed, but focused. Laughter, good times ensued mixed in with deep topics.

The sun went down ... we ordered take out (yay for Godfather's!) ... we then decided to move into the bedroom suite and get comfortable... from there - let's just say the teacup was ravaged by the dish and Spoon. We ganged up on her, rendering her defenseless (okay - she pretty willfully decided to be defenseless in the first place) as we laid down on each side of her. With her wrists bound in Velcro cuffs - they were tied together brought above her head. A blindfold was applied as she couldn't see what we were doing.

The synergy we shared was really incredible. The touching, the feeling, the kissing, the suckling, and the pinching. The teacup was motionless for the most part - moaning and accepting of our whims. The excitement building inside her ... as I touched her for the very first time ... a very wet slut indeed. The fun continued for most of the night and into the early hours of morning.

Even though there were points of the night where things didn't happen quite the way any of us wanted to ... there is a chemistry there. We have things to work on, we have things to correct and clear up ... but we have a Path. Where this Path takes us - we're letting the universe take us there on the course and timing that we're supposed to.

As the morning continued to unfurl, we showered and talked. The bumps we ran into still need paving and road grading work. The mood was a little somber. There was reality that our time together was drawing to a close more quickly than any of us wanted. We returned to the lunch-time restaurant ... returned to our various topics of discussion before watching the hands of the clock be unsympathetic to the fact we were going to have to leave.

Before we left - we decided to take pictures ... as we found a small neighborhood park ... we giggled ... we laughed ... we smiled and embraced. My love of photography met teacup's ... and I know there will be more shutterbugging happening in our future. After pictures were taken, a group hug ensued followed by "until later" kisses - as goodbye doesn't apply here.

We all came away with the meeting with positive feelings. Chemistry is there and building. Work is still to be done, but we're looking forward to the next phase of things. teacup will come visit us in 2012 and we will likely determine at that time just where we're heading. Adjustments and realities will be the order as we approach her upcoming visit. We have space issues, there's her dog and our girl cat's compatibility problem, there's her job, finances and other nuts and bolts problems that I believe are resolvable.

The underlying feeling though is that it feels great for us - and something we both are looking forward to developing further. The bond we forged in the heartland of Iowa will not be forgotten by any of us. It's a positive step forward that this poly Path may have actually brought someone to us that's compatible and positive.

Not a bad way to start 2012.... :)

The Pearls (or perils) of Cosmo...

2011-12-03T11:24:00.002-07:00

My girl gets Cosmo in the mail.

...and like most issues of Cosmo, I just have to shake My head and cringe a bit.

I know that women take different things from the magazine. Some look at the new styles, others look at new make up application techniques and others find some helpful stuff in their articles. But the articles that bother Me the most are the ones where celebs are put on display in some sort of "fashion showdown."

In this last issue danae shared with Me, there's a "flattering vs. fattening" one page comparison. Taking the likes of Reese Witherspoon and calling her fattening ... really? They also pick on Jessica Simpson and Khloe' Kardashian who have very public weight issues - not really fair in My opinion.

In another article there's "Beauty Showdown: Try This / Not That." Again a side by side comparison with celebrities ... and this time they pick Ginnifer Goodwin against Heidi Klum. Now I'm no fashion expert - but I know some of these celebrities style ... of COURSE Heidi is going to be a bit more outrageous than Ginnifer because that's how Heidi is.... Thankfully one would think that Heidi doesn't really give a shit what Cosmo says and does her own thing.

... and I applaud that.

Now I got as far as "The Truth About Faking It" in this issue and I knew a blog entry was going to be necessary because the premise of the article was: "Don't Fake it Day." This line clinched it for Me: "90% say they have no intention of telling their partner they fake it."

The article tries to convince women to not fake it - by giving tips on how to achieve an orgasm. The article doesn't address the whole faking by lying tangent which to Me is the larger problem. I don't want a woman to fake it in order to make Me feel good. Seriously - if you're not getting close to orgasm, I want to know because I don't want you to be frustrated because things just feel off.

Honesty should always prevail over just trying to make Me feel good ...

But I digress...

To be fair to Cosmo, Maxim is just as bad - but Maxim spends at least some of the time lampooning the topics they cover while secretly conveying the point. While I can gleefully thumb through the playful "20 Ways to Use Your Underwear During Sex" articles in Cosmo, it's the remaining self-image crippling articles that bother Me the most. To Me - it's not what some unrealstic-Barbie-esque type perception that matters.

For this Guy at least - I am true to Myself and the things I like. I don't need Cosmo to tell Me what *I* personally like or don't like. I ALREADY KNOW what I like and what I don't. I don't need to know that french cut bikini briefs are in this season ... I like what I like.

But this isn't the case for women. There are incredible pressures to "fit in" and be up on whether or not "green is the new black" or is it brown, or mauve... To be hip and not frumpy or god forbid "fattening." These shoes don't go with that skirt and after living with a girly girl for the last 8 years, I realize it's a rather complex and obscure formula you women go through.

Guys usually don't go through this.

Although I guess I should say: "most guys" because I suppose there are those that obsess about such things. I just don't see the merit of it. I like a style - that's the style I want. I don't need someone to be critical or criticize it.

It simply is.

I just wish that there wasn't such an obsession with it. It's just not a Cosmo thing, because if you're a fan of watching the red carpet shows - it's the same thing ... just live and on TV. Same thing with the awards ceremonies and our reality TV programs like Project Runway (sorry hon). But it's become our culture to criticize someone different by the way they look, how they dress, how they apply their makeup or how big or skinny they might be. What their artistic vision might be and how it compares to someone else ... we live in a comparative society and at times ... it really sucks.

What matters is not if you fit the Cosmo ideal this month (i.e. blue eye shadow makes a comeback, page 84) ... but what your significant other likes. danae does a great job looking at those things and make purchases she knows I would want to see her in. Alternatively, I go with her and pick it out - or we shop online together. The same thing that teacup is learning ... My style is Mine alone. I don't pretend to be politically correct - although I am reasonably focused on appropriateness ... and that to Me, while potentially disappointing - is also necessary and realistic.

It's up to Me to convey and communicate that so that they both know what I desire to see them in. That ... is what matters.

The Meal

2011-10-31T09:02:00.003-06:00

A friend of ours on FB recently teased all of her friends with a Ham & Bean soup meal she was preparing for her Master. Naturally all of us clamored on to her post and wanted to road trip it on over for dinner. The trek for us would be 15+ hours and while tantalizing ... also slightly impractical.

A light bulb went off....

I started having these wild ideas about a "meeting in the middle."

Consider this:
- Invited couples and other folks that "get it."
- All converging not at someone's house, but some rental condo or somewhere that can house 6-8 people.
- The slaves get together and form the menu.
- No one pre-prepares anything. That's the rule.
- Specialized cooking equipment is permissible to a point.
- Assignments are shared and decided upon.
- Shopping lists are prepared and distributed accordingly
- We all converge for the weekend.

Here's the twist:
- No scene play, those lifestyle trinkets and attire are permissible
- It won't be a high protocol dinner in the traditional sense (no needing to apply any added pressures)
- Just a gathering of like minded folk, breaking bread and enjoying each other's company.

Shared cost for the condo, shared responsibilities of the meal, everyone responsible for themselves for transportation and other travel intangibles. good companionship, good location, a crackling fire, fine company and a common bond of people coming together to celebrate the life we lead.

Consensual Manipulation

2011-10-08T12:08:00.007-06:00

Bending ... yielding ... twisting ... turning ...

Whenever we hear of the word: "manipulation" - it casts such a negative blanket. Manipulation implies a contradiction to free will. It implies a controlling relationship - whether that relationship is watching TV or what we do in the bedroom or the instructions we're given at work. We forget that manipulation is constantly around us from the programs we watch - to the advertisements we're subjected to - to those that we look up to - those who teach us and those we subject our lives to.

Historically - the term manipulation is generally applied to cults and other unsavory groups ... where leaders would employ tactics and tools to ensure their flock remained following. The argument can be made that religion - by and large - is also manipulative. Immediately the hands go up - saying: "people are not forced to go or coerced to stay in church."

True.

But folks enter the lifestyle under the same understanding. They can walk in on their own, they can walk out.

In it's most common form the lifestyle is predicated with a sense of consensual manipulation. submissives and slaves conform to the will of their dominants, Masters and Mistresses. Sometimes it's just a matter of a rule: "go over there, do this." Other times it can be more overt: "beg for it, you know you want it, now..."

It seems basic enough... and yet sometimes it still snags us up a bit.

Why?

Because eventually it comes down to the doormat issue. That topic alone deserves its own posting - but people don't like the connotation of what it means to be manipulated to the point where the capability of making decisions has been surrendered to someone else. It makes that person seem weak - when they aren't. It gives the perception of abuse - when it isn't.

Consensual manipulation comes down to degrees. Just like anything else in the lifestyle - how far you tend to want to take the path down the Rabbit Hole is completely and totally up to each of us. If it's not your brand of punch - move along. But take a moment to become self-aware of the manipulation that constantly swirls around us. Be mindful of the roots of manipulation as it pertains to the lifestyle.

It maybe unsavory to contemplate that we're manipulative in our dynamics ... but we can't ignore how it enhances it.

Dominant #Fail

2011-08-13T21:13:00.004-06:00

It's gonna happen.

It's going to be big.

You're going to be poised and placed into positions where you think you have everything mapped out. But.....

You don't.

It's gonna hurt.

It's gonna leave you with a bruised domly ego -- and you're going to be okay.

That's because you're not alone. It's happened to all of us and if you think there's a dominant who has never tumbled, fallen or otherwise did something stupid - then they are simply full of themselves. It's happened to them too - even if the denial wounds their pride a bit.

No matter what the #fail was ... own it.

No matter how big the flub was ... it's yours.

No matter if it's going to torpedo things in the future ... face it.

Eventually the crap we put up with - is stuff we will have to process or have haunt us in the future to come. So why not invest the time necessary to address what happened, recognize it, see what you'd do differently, talk it out with your submissive or slave and start moving forward again?

Because I'll be seen as weak... No it won't. The perception of weakness resides in the integrity you bring to your dynamic. Not whether or not it's going to damage your domly ego or not. A strong dynamic requires a strong person. Someone who can be honest, forthright and responsible for the things we do -- is the mark of a good dominant. Why? Because it starts with us and it ends with us. Anything less than that - and we have to start wondering why we're in an dynamic with another person who surrenders themselves to us when we can't take responsibility for the stuff we do.

Because I'm the Master of her Universe.... "...and I'm Captain America, nice to meet you - haven't seen you at the hero meetings lately...." While it's incredibly romantic and wonderful to be the steady rock in your girl's (or guy's) universe, please keep in mind that rocks are subject to gravity and fall just like all the other pebbles, stones and branches. Rocks are supposed to fall - it's in the gravitational rule book. We can be steady, we can be solid, we can be reliable ... but we need to accept the reality of gravity and the fact that rocks are equally capable of falling in the roadway and causing headaches for drivers. In another words, rocks make mistakes too.

I can do no wrong.... Wrong - you just did. You're human and even if you're the center of the world - even the universe gets it wrong sometimes.

I need to be strong.... You are strong, but strength isn't perfect.

Admitting one's #fail actually becomes a strength. Any submissive or slave that loses the glean in their eye that you've somehow lost your luster because you're an imperfect dominant -- is the mark of someone living the lifestyle a bit too much into some sort of fantasy's realm. Strength comes by revealing our imperfections - by embracing those defects allow us the ability to be empowered by them.

The unfortunate thing is that the lifestyle is designed so that slaves and submissives are punished when they do things wrong ... but there's nothing in the lifestyle rule book that designates what happens with a dominant messes up. That's because we're not supposed to mess up, or we get back on our feet like Pee Wee Herman exclaiming: "I meant to do that."

Reach out to another dominant if you're struggling. Find a friend, seek some wisdom, read up ... develop a plan, but above all else - don't forget to have the conversation with your submissive or slave. They look up to you. They are giving themselves in ways that we love ... so suck up the domly ego ... it's gonna bruise a little. But watch a new found respect emerge ... and slowly let that monkey off your back. As time goes on - admitting our failures and learning from our mistakes makes us better Masters, Mistresses, Dominants and Tops.

...and we all want to be the best for our property, right?

Peaceful

2011-08-09T08:56:00.003-06:00

There comes a time in one's Journey when you simply have to release the insecurities that bind you to the universe. Holding onto the things we fear - ultimately keep us from going achieving the things in life we want.

I'm not saying that there's a magical wand that one can swish that makes all of these bonds disappear ... but we can decide at some point that we have to make the effort to do so. Then it becomes a matter of processing and working through it.

Lapses are expected.
Improvement is also expected.

It's the effort, combined with the knowledge, coupled with the support system and under the guide of ourselves ... that ultimately determines the success of such a purge or not. The old adage holds true -- it's not whether we mark progress in feet or miles, sometimes mere inches is enough to begin the momentum process.

Dedicating ourselves to a transition where we peacefully release of our inner-most turmoil is what we should aspire to. Holding onto the things that stress us - only ends up aging us while creating a lot of unnecessary emotional and mental strain on us. Achieving peace - allows us to quiet our minds in the silence we sometimes desperately crave.

Part of that process is figuring out how to let go. Even though it's one of the hardest things we will do in life ... in the end - it's one of the healthiest things too.

Dark, darker, darkest.....

2011-07-29T08:41:00.003-06:00

A recent thread on FL got Me thinking about My dark thoughts again.

I keep coming back to the simple barometer: your mileage might vary.

Not everyone is into the dark stuff. That's okay because some people are. Moreover it shouldn't be the plight of folks in the lifestyle to soar to darkness or any gradient in between.

It's your Path.

It's your choice.

How we decide to live - yours and Mine - in terms of where that line is and what we do with it is different and unique ... as it should be.

But the discussion inevitably leads to trying to define where the line is ... (i.e. where the darkness ends and abuse begin.) Yet one has to admit that this "uncool" line is different for everyone. That's why I've been a staunch opponent for establishing any sort of ... line ... because My line is going to be different than yours. That's reasonable, expected and something that makes sense. Of course if we have different lines and I'm trying to drag you beyond yours then there's going to be some problems.

Trying to gauge where dark transforms to abuse is different for everyone. By and large the most central component in our lifestyle remains the basic construct of consensuality between like-minded adults. If someone likes to be whipped, but needs to have control with the rest of their lives - good for them. The same holds true for those that desire and want to be deconstructed. Just because it doesn't fit your ideal in what you seek or define for yourself, doesn't make it abuse because there are other rational people in the world that see what we do (flogging, bondage, spankings) as dehumanizing and abusive. We all wear that mark - regardless of where we fall in the spectrum.

Just because it's not your cup of kink - doesn't mean others can't or shouldn't enjoy it for themselves.

Am I Really Ready for This?

2011-03-20T03:58:00.004-06:00

It's not an easy answer.

Couples and single people thinking about delving into the poly arena have a lot to really mull over before they should stick the proverbial toe in the water.

1.) Poly comes in all shapes and sizes. . .

Just like most things in life - we have variety. We can shop around to find the right fit, the right situation, the ideal for what works best - is essential for any sort of success in the larger duration.

Just keep in mind that there are a full buffet of stereotypes in the world about what poly is and what it isn't. Being poly doesn't mean everyone has to be bisexual. Being poly doesn't mean that you sleep with everyone that steps into the house. Being poly doesn't mean you can be loaned out or chatteled to anyone else. There's a ton of assuming statements about poly - all, none or some of which - may apply in the dynamic you are considering.

2.) Definitions, parameters and blueprints. . .

Even after we accept and grasp all of the shapes and sizes poly has to offer, doesn't always mean that there's a clear cut definition of what it could look like. Most articles and references try to stay within the most common forms of poly: the traditional triad and the V-shape. But there is also the N-dynamic, the open poly, and the polyfideltious types out there too.

There's many combinations in various degrees with options, standards and other formulative things that go into that picture. The important thing to remember is that there IS no one right or wrong way to do it.

3.) Roles and Places

It's not just about understanding what type of dynamic you're about to enter - but to understand the positioning and roles that come with it. Even though danae and I abhor the labels that get applied in the poly world, we do have to live within an abysmal set of guidelines set forth by our vanilla guardians.

In most cases - there will be the feeling of: "oh, she was here first" ... because analogously -- even if you have identical twins born at the same time - one of them will come out before the other. Parents will love their children - regardless of who came out first. Whether they were separated by a year, two-years or ten.

Poly *can* work in the same way, but do not assume that it *will* work in the same way. Some poly relationships enforce a hierarchy, a pecking order that is disciplined and laid out. We resist that as much as we humanly can because we ultimately want someone who wants to feel like family - mitigate who was here first and who wasn't.

"Am I going to be comfortable with my role and place in this dynamic?"

Talking, communicating, and understanding - as completely as possible - what the nature of that role is going to be ... is the crucial aspect of this. It has to be something that is understood by everyone - so that it can then move forward together.

4.) Weighing out the intangibles. . .beforehand. . .

This part is never going to be completed. Even with as many situations that can be planned out and forecasted - invariably we come across things like "what happens at Thanksgiving and Christmas?" "Can we hold hands in public?" "What happens when all three, four or twelve of us are in public?" "Who gets to sleep where, when, and how?" "How are conflicts going to be handled in the dynamic?" "Who does the dishes?" "Who does the laundry?" "Will I have to work?" "Will I have a place to myself?" "How can I introduce you to my friends, family, associates?" "How will sex happen?" "Am I expected to be bisexual?" etc. etc. etc. etc.

This list is never going to be completely filled out - even after the dynamic is in full swing and going forward. It's rational and sane to think of the eventualities, but it's very important to have the ongoing communication and conversation about such things as they come up.

5.) Open It Up. . .

Even though there's many forms that poly can take - at the foundation, there has to be an acceptance of the other parts of the dynamic. It's not about everyone needing to be bisexual with everyone else. Sex has nothing to do with it. It's about opening ourselves for the good of the family. It's about caring for the dynamic as a whole - just as much as you care for the primary relationship you have in the dynamic. Not just understanding the dynamic as it pertains to you personally, but how others int he family are also affected. Stability, openness, acceptance and a common embrace for what is sought in the dynamic is one of the most important keys to the success of the poly relationship.

6.) Timesharing. . .

Most of us have problems when it comes to sharing. Whether it's sharing a toy when we're younger or sharing a meal with someone or to share a ride with someone. In relationships, we're taught not to share except with friends, family, co-workers, congregation, chess club, etc. In fact, we're taught to avoid other people's relationships - not share within them.

So - the concept of timesharing with your partner in a poly relationship is often conflicting with what we've been taught. In monogamous relationships - there's security, a dependence of a singularity, a devotion to one that isn't shared with others. Poly has security, a dependence on the dynamic and a devotion to one another that is shared.

Of course there are messed up poly dynamics, but there are equally messed up monogamous ones too. How many times have we seen monogamous couples where the man or the woman is flirting with someone else? The other half of that monogamous relationship gets a little pissed off, right? That's because there's a blast of messages going off internally:

"why is he looking at her?
what does he see in her?
what does she have that I don't?
how can he fall for ... that?"

Insecurities hit, questions arise and all of a sudden, there's a flood of other questions about devotion and dedication. This is where I think our hetero magazines (eg. Maxim, Cosmo) that feed our insecurities about ourselves about how we've just read "10 ways to know your guy is cheating."

"Oh my god! He's eye-scanning this chick, that was number 6 in last month's Cosmo!!!!"
"She's dressing more provacatively, I wonder if she's trying to impress the milkman, her boss or the security guard she keeps talking about."

So we have to take a few steps back at ourselves - to understand the sources of why we react the way we do. There are fears, memories, experiences and pre-molded mental processes associated with those sources. If we understand them - then we can better articulate them when the "thing" surfaces.

7.) Honesty! The Only Policy Out There. . .

It starts with you.

Yes you.

When you can sit down and think through the various polyamorous tangents and issues out there - this is when you start defining poly for yourself and the Path you're on. It's okay to have some gray "undecided-ness" about poly.

But -

...there does come a point in the process where you'll have to make an honest decision about poly. It's okay to embrace one or two or a few different flavors of poly as you see fit. It's okay to have some reasonable expectations of how you want poly to work for you.

8.) Square Peg, Meet Round Hole. . .

It's perfectly acceptable to reach the end of this and go: "nope."

No one is going to judge you and if they do - then it was a good thing that it didn't work out because there shouldn't be pressure for you to pick a side to be on. Poly is not for everyone. It doesn't make you a bad person, a bad submissive or a bad slave. Anyone equating guilt or pressure to you, be sure to have them quote in the official rule book where it says they have to be poly or a specific brand of poly. (pssst, it doesn't exist!)

9.) Celebrate Yourself!

However you end up on the Path in your life - is yours to keep. We're all unique and very different. You have a lot to offer, someone or someone(s) -- so embrace that. When we are comfortable in who we are - life just flows better.

The Standards Problem

2011-03-16T01:25:00.001-06:00

Standards standards standards.... We're surrounded by them daily - a standard for what's appropriate for what we watch on TV, the standard of living - which measures our cost of living and wages. We have standards that govern how we live, how we act, and we have medical standards that tell us how to determine if we have kidney stones vs. just having bad gas.

When it comes to the lifestyle - we are an expansive spectrum spread out from one end to the other. We each have our own little things we like, dislike and we all have our own little niche that we self-identify with. We have our own philosophies, backgrounds and other intangibles that life has thrown at us in the course of our years. We're all different to one another - just as we are different in the normal scheme of life.

The lifestyle is widely diverse and in some instances, we get tossed in with the pedophiles, bigamists, serial killers and anything else consider in the "other" category.

To that end - I understand why some might want to place limitations and standards so that we can stand up and go: "we are different, but we come in peace..."

But trying to define our lifestyle is like roping a dozen bulls in an arena with twine....

Historically, society copes with different standards rather elastically and work sort of like a giant funnel. With laws governing us in the broadest sense of society - all the way to our personally held beliefs - we ultimately make the decision for ourselves what is right and what isn't. Since we're all busy being tiny little snowflakes, differences are bound to happen and opinions are almost always going to rub someone the wrong way.

When it comes to the application of standards in the lifestyle - I'm always a bit unnerved and very skeptical. It's not that I condone heinous, brutal acts of rape, death and other incorrigible behavior - but we're all supposed to be adults in this thing. We constantly take personal responsibility for the choices we make every day -- so why do we need standards to give us "approval?" The fundamental flaw with standards is the inability to arrive at a single common definition that can cover the spectrum fairly.

Whose standards are we going to use?

Back in 2008, I blogged about the superiority complex in the use of Safe, Sane and Consensual. David Stein, the originator of S.S.C. later regretted how the phrase has evolved into what it has become today.

Why?

Because folks are taking S.S.C. and turning it into some sort of crusade. Which was not the aim and goal Mr. Stein set out with over 20 years ago. He derived the phrase as a means to assure the vanillas that gay men in the leather community were not a threat. As the internet flourished, so did the notion of S.S.C. Most everyone who starts in the lifestyle - learns S.S.C. at some point. Many adopt it into their lives and others move beyond the concept.

For the record: I'm okay with those that want to embrace S.S.C. and apply it for themselves. If it's a belief that you want to convert from Mr. Stein - then have at it.

But...

Please recognize that you are misapplying Mr. Stein's work by attempting to standardize the entire lifestyle by safe, sane and consensual.

Here's where the overreaching standards start coming into play.

It's not as though I want everyone out there to practice unsafe, insane and non-consenting stuff ... but if you do - then do what you very well want. That's the beauty of the lifestyle - just as it is in music ... you listen to what you want. You have your favorites and you listen to the same play list over and over again. Just because I don't happen to like thrash metal or rap - doesn't give Me the right to condemn your musical tastes. My musical preferences are not any better or any worse than yours. The lifestyle isn't any different.

Just because you may not be into watersports, hoods or objectification doesn't reflect one iota on either of us. It's My cup of tea, and doesn't happen to be yours. No harm. No foul. It's okay to have preferences, likes and dislikes.

But now the superiority complex starts coming into play.

What I can never really understand why we have to try to put our nose out there that one way is better than the other. If we can agree that we are different people, coming from different philosophies, entering the lifestyle from different vantage points, wanting/craving/desiring different things in life - then why do we have to conform to a single set of ideals that put up barriers and limitations as to what is and what isn't acceptable?

I do realize that for some people, making distinctions is a way to confirm their own Path. That - by condoning some, while condemning what others do - makes them feel more ... sane ... in their own lifestyle choices. Security in their roots - that justify their Path in the lifestyle while dismissing and otherwise condemning the Path others take. An insecurity that allows them to mentally process that their course is justified - even if they fail to see the same clarity in others.

The Standards Problem:

So what standard are we going to apply then?

If we look at the legal standard - everyone who practices some level of s&m is technically in violation of the law in most states. How is that so? There's no such thing as consensual assault as an affirmative defense, nor is there such a thing for consensual bondage or consensual confinement. Legally - even a spanking can be considered a low level assault in the most literal of definitions.

If we look at the moral standard - I have yet to come across a religion or common principle that advocates, protects and otherwise condones s&m, d/s and M/s despite some interpretations that the Bible makes mention of subservient women serving man ... etc etc etc... The Bible - at its core is an interpretation unless you happen to know Aramaic. Not to mention that the literal sense of the Bible is naturally going to rub a lot of people the wrong way. So the Bible becomes .... malleable.

So let's look at the mental health standard. We're gaining some ground since the DSM-IV came out several years ago. Paraphilias are currently being reclassified and separated out as not necessarily being a mental disorder. However, as it is with most doctors - it's completely subjective. One doctor saying that s&m behavior can be considered normal - while another one can interject that it's a mental disorder. Even though the DSM-5 is looking to make significant changes to how mental professionals see paraphilias - there will still remain differences of opinion about whether s&m type behavior is product of an actual defect, or whether it has become the crusade of the professional to help cure us ... as was the practice for homosexuals for a really long time. One can still find mental health professionals that would offer their "professional" opinion that homosexuals are a disorder even though the vast consensus there is no such deficiency.

But why can't we use S.S.C. as a standard for the lifestyle?

"Don't we want to be safe?"
"Don't we want to be sane?"
"Don't we want to do stuff consensually?"

Once more, by whose standards?

Some think that when you draw blood - that's not sane nor safe. "One person's limit is another person's kink."

But what about "C" in S.S.C.?

The "C" for consensuality - remains the one constant that can be relied upon in nearly every dynamic across the board. Without consent - it becomes force. And I'm not confusing forced scenes or anything of that like because in nearly every one of those situations, consent *did* happen in one form or another. If it didn't - then the tumblers begin to fall down. Whether it's a nod, a wink, or some signal that the approach is ok'd and verified ... consent is given.

Why is consent so important?

As I said from the onset - we're all adults here. We approach the lifestyle as willing participants ... each with our own limits, lines, likes, dislikes, preferences and desires. Even someone who wants consent taken off the table does make the choice of who they associate - and who they are willing to go into that non-consenting mindset. Whether it's implied or overtly communicated - the choice is made as to what they will allow to happen in their lives.

That's why I choose to live closer to the likes of R.A.C.K. than I do S.S.C. Risk Aware - Consensual Kink does seem to cover the umbrella of knowing what you're getting into - and accepting all that can potentially happen. It's the acceptance of risk - not unlike when we step into an automobile to drive to the grocery store. We assume the risk that an accident might happen - or that we might be subject to a criminal act while in the store. We are living, breathing Risk Aware folks and many folks don't even know it.

So by writing this entry - am I petitioning that R.A.C.K. become the lifestyle standard?

Nope. It happens to work for Me and danae. I do not advocate anyone else to embrace, reject or acknowledge any one particular standard out there if you don't want to. We don't have to follow one another. We're all unique. Educate yourself. Read. Ask questions. Ask more questions. Read some more, then take what parts you like - discard the parts you don't. That's life.

It's okay to be yourself.

It's okay to follow the principles of more than one person and to craft your Path as defined by several people, few people or by no one. If there's one principle to live by - is the concept of consensual behavior. Let's play, have fun, push every limit in the book that we want and care to, but let's be responsible adults in the process.

We don't need standards nor do we have to police each other's behavior - as long as we remain true to ourselves and the Path we seek.

Mentoring Part 2 .... It's Not What You Think

2011-02-14T09:16:00.004-07:00

The lifestyle has a tendency to take vanilla terms and concepts ... bending and twisting them until we think we're articulating something that makes sense. Unfortunately the concept of "mentoring" for some in the lifestyle just doesn't translate that well from the vanilla to the kinkier side of things. Some take mentoring to be something a dominant does to a submissive ... so that they can experience things in the lifestyle without having some formal arrangement attached to it.

But that's not what mentoring actually is.

The term comes from Greek mythology - meaning "father like teacher." Which also carries a certain feel as an apprenticeship between two people. And thanks to wiki - we can see notable relationships like how Bach mentored Mozart, or Roger Corman mentored Ron Howard and James Cameron ... and even though there are examples of some crossed mentors from different fields, but they are generally in the same genre, in the same mode.

That's one of several reasons why it makes sense to have dominants mentoring other dominants and submissives mentoring other submissives.

Doing it that way removes the sexual anticipation and other lifestyle related expectations. That allows the "father like teacher" process to happen smoother. Mentors are guides. They hold your hand and help you figure out your particular niche. They influence and wield a great deal of influence.

...with such influence carries and equally incredible amount of responsibility.

It's not just about teaching the basics: "this is a flogger, these are spankings, this is where you tie rope..." ...mentoring is much larger than that. Go back to "father like teacher" definition - who shapes and molds not just the specific things life has to offer, but the overall course of how things pan out.

Being a mentor takes the Path of someone and makes that person realize it in its full potential.

Being a mentor is about listening to that person more than tugging their leash and prodding them along the Path YOU think they are destined to be on. It's not YOUR Path ... it's theirs. It's hard not to interject our own experiences - in an effort to guide, encourage or otherwise lead your protege. It's also hard not to interject your own commentary and opinion when a question or issue is raised. Mentors teach and guide without impressing significant influence.

Mentors allow the protege to find their own Path ... and in that process - there has to be room for growth. And just like parenting - there does come a point where the guide, influence and teachings have fulfilled their function ... and the protege is encouraged to venture out on their own.

So.....

The broadest advice I can offer:

Be patient.

If you want to experience things in the lifestyle - find a good friend. Build trust, ask questions, visit forums, visit chat rooms, explore and read.

Open your mind and don't be afraid. There's an incredible diversity that the lifestyle offers. It's not always going to be your cup of tea - even if it is someone else's kink.

After awhile if you want to experience things in a dungeon - find a good friend that's a dominant or a top -- that's willing to show you the ropes. Go to events, watch, talk, learn.

Be patient, take your time.

It's natural to want to dive right in - to think that the dominant you're chatting in IM from New York is the real deal ... but if you're not prepared to be broadsided - then the first time is going to hurt pretty badly.

Learn to fall gracefully. It's going to happen. The scammers, fakes and wannabes are out there a plenty. But real people are out there too.

Be patient, take your time. Nothing has to happen today, right now, this instant. Good things will always be there regardless of how long it takes you to reach your destination.

Don't subscribe and limit yourself to just one point of view. Don't let yourself be skewed by one set of colored shades. There's a full spectrum of difference ... why hone in on just one part of an expansive scale?

Be responsible. Look for signs, LISTEN to your warning flags, and most important: "be honest and true to yourself at all times."

Lastly - there's only one right way in the lifestyle - and that's the Path you ultimately choose for yourself. You will be inundated with a wide range of viewpoints. Make the Path your own - and remain true to yourself.

Enjoy the ride - because you're in for a treat. :)

Mentoring Part 1 .... The Program

2010-11-21T16:01:00.000-07:00

I love how the lifestyle has a very diverse and expansive array of experience, knowledge and viewpoints. In our midst are a lot of incredibly smart, insightful and passionate people dedicated in their pursuit to the lifestyle as it applies to them. But just like in real life, differences will likely abound and even though I might not agree with a lot of things out there, just having a working dialogue and exchange is worth it. For dominants especially, this means we need to put our egos in check and respect other various approaches even if they don't necessarily coincide with our Path and beliefs.

That said - I do find a significant number of dominants lack certain foundational elements that inevitably causes problems in their dynamic. Problems that, by and large can easily be avoided if a simple investment is made from the onset to correct the approach that tempers the thirst for power and control. To install personal and wide-range responsibilities coupled with foresight. That's why I've always been supportive of the concept of a dominant's retreat or mentorship program wherein they can learn the correct foundational components and how to apply that in their daily lives.

So when one of the groups on FL recently posted a query about a mentorship program for dominants - I was intrigued and eager to read on! The preamble of the program talked about personal growth and development. "Alright ... tell Me more!"

There are tiers of development ... m'kay..... with a boot camp approach, a one-on-one 9 month apprenticeship all culminating to a single "wrap up" deal. I'm okay so far - I'm liking what I'm seeing. But I'm a sucker for the details as I want to know *what* the teaching is going to be about. Is it going to have a session about personal responsibility in the M/s, D/s dynamic and in the community? What about employing the foundational elements for you and your submissive and slave? What about how to best cope with long distance relationships over the long haul? What about jealousy, control, and the expectations in the immediate, short and long term? What about Poly, open dynamics and play partner agreements?

Eagerly I keep looking for the details .... that .... will .... teach .....

Wait, what?! .... sex .... flogging .... rope bondage .... crops.....??????

*sighs softly*

Oh so close.

I don't mean to besmirch what this group is trying to accomplish as I completely understand the other need to help tops and dominants learn the techniques of bdsm play in dungeons and play parties. But to call it a "mentoring program" and to have it be hyper-specific to just scene play makes it slightly disingenuous. Just because someone has a badge to show off, doesn't mean they will be a good partner in anything but a bdsm scene.

To put it analogously - I can go to a conference on heart surgery, finding out about all the tools, techniques, and knowledge of heart surgery ... but it doesn't make Me a heart surgeon.

I define mentoring along the same route as a counselor. Not just a teacher, but someone who has an wide reaching investment in bringing another person along in the broadest terms of life. While it could be a difference of opinion - or a difference of word choice, I see that it could potentially be confusing to others to know that I've just attended a mentorship program ordained by a local group.

That carries some decent credibility with it -- and in My estimation, a lot of responsibility attached to it.

Where Did the Path Go?

2010-11-02T02:02:00.000-06:00

In dealing with so much in our lives right now - there have been moments when the Path has be obscured. But then in retrospect, 2010 in general has been a very difficult year to navigate. It all started around this time last year and here we are a year later ... and in many ways a little bit worse off than we were in 2009.

That's not an attempt at being depressing or carrying a negative view of it .. just that it's merely what we've been going through for the last 12 months.

Still - we get up each morning to try and face the day. Hoping that each day brings us a little bit closer to understanding where we are in the world and to determine what's next for us. When you're stuck in that same pattern for awhile - it tends to wear you down a bit. That's where we find ourselves and probably one of the reasons why you may read our blogs and wonder exactly what's going on.

But we're trudging through it. We have to and the alternative is very unsavory.

Legal Thoughts....

2010-10-10T22:20:00.000-06:00

The standard caveats apply: “I’m not a professional, but I play one on TV. Your mileage will vary. Take what you want, discard the rest and anything you read here you seriously can’t rely on.”

That said - we’re all fucked.

I’m not blogging about this to scare people. Contrary to what a few souls choose to believe, the threat is there. This is not an urban legend as some on FL would contend. More on that in a minute.

Our story starts today with a seemingly innocent version of he said / she said.

That by itself isn’t unusual. In fact, we live in a society that is filled with he said / she said. But what we also don’t stop and realize is that many of our laws are woven into the whole he said / she said notion and that, the bard’s tale will tell us -- herein lies the rub.

She says one thing, he says another. Accusations start flying and before we know it, someone makes a call to 911. It happens folks. While the naysayers out there contend want to contend there is absolutely no harm for lifestylers, it’s that kind of naivete’ that is begging for trouble.

Now I’m all in favor of folks giving differing points of view and injecting their perspective on such. But to be so dismissive and resistant to reason is unfortunate. The endless “prove it” threads I’ve seen on FL dismiss common sense and for what it’s worth, I’m providing my own mini-list of urban legends not to fan the flames - but those willing to discuss and debate the merits of my thoughts are always invited to do so:

There’s no law against bdsm / lifestyle practices

TRUE, but... aren’t there laws that forbid assault? Aren’t there laws that govern unlawful detainment and outlaw kidnapping? Just because there isn’t a document, statute or law that expressly mentions the practice of sadomasochism doesn’t mean that you can’t be charged with a crime under some other criminal heading or statute.

Case and point: a flogging scene.

Seems innocent, right? Look at the elements of what’s happening in that situation: two consenting people engaging in an activity where one party physically strikes another party with strands of material designed to be used as a whip or a flog.

“Aha!” Most observers would exclaim, “consent is the key word to that phrase.” I would agree except that at least under Colorado law, there are no provisions or affirmative defenses for consensual assault. None. But there are provisions for boxers, football players and others to engage in physically assaulting activities, right? True - but in the case of boxers, they are licensed and regulated to inflict harm on one another. Football, hockey and other sports are governed by the accepted protocols of the sport. Any player that exceeds those protocols not only gets punished by their league or governing body - but in some cases criminal charges can be levied.

Where’s that provision for bdsm practitioners and lifestylers? Good question. I haven’t found one.

By and large most of us subscribe to the consensual aspect of the lifestyle. That aspect alone can warrant a whole book by itself because of the complications and difficulties of how it’s established in the lifestyle. In football terms, it’s that line of knowing what is a clean hit and what draws a personal foul.

A submissive, slave or bottom can consent, go through with the scene or activity, then go to the police to say she was beaten. The burden is on the dominant or the top to prove that it was consent.

But I have a slave contract that she signed saying I could do XYZ to her. This should protect me.

FALSE. A slave contract carries no weight or legal standing. Period.

Aha! There’s no proof of a bdsm/lifestyle case ever going to trial

FALSE. Again - there’s no statute that prohibits the practice of sadomasochistic activities outright. But you still CAN be charged with the elements of assault (flogging, caning, whipping), kidnapping and wrongful imprisonment (bondage), sexually violent acts (enhancers added when a sexual act is combined with things like violence, bondage, etc.)

When you combine the likes of assault (flogging) with sexual assault (intercourse, oral, whatever) - then that is an aggravating circumstance.

On the record, it’ll look like someone being charged with assault. How many assault cases are recorded each year? Over 800,000? How many rape cases? Over 90,000? It’s naïve to think that it doesn’t happen just because it can’t be easily researched. The cases exist even if they aren’t emblazoned and in flashing neon.

So are the police, courts and process are out to get us!

NOT REALLY, BUT... each jurisdiction looks at these kinds of cases differently. What may be accepted in one county in the nation is going to be looked at much differently in another part of the country. How far do the police go to interfere largely depends on who is running the show and how they interpret such behavior in their communities. It’s not always a “community standard test,” but sometimes your population does govern the policy and the enforcement of that policy. By and large, the courts don’t want to know what’s happening between closed doors as long as consensual, private, not involving kids or anything of that sort.

However advocates will contend that submissives, slaves and bottoms are nothing but abused people, stuck in an abusive cycle who cannot rationally understand what’s right because they have been brainwashed into thinking that they want to be locked up, beaten, and fucked repeated over and over again. These advocates see the bottom half of the lifestyle scale as being damaged and they fight to rescue as many as they can from the sadistic evil-doers. They generally believe there is no such thing as consensual bdsm play and that the lifestyle needs to be taken down.

Okay, so I’m fucked.

TRUE, but… this is where some common sense approach comes down to meeting someone for a scene or for something much more. There’s a lot of trust that has to be established by both dominants and submissives before going that next step. Consensuality is at the heart of most of this and one can only build it through trust, honesty and communication.

Play smart.

Use your head.

Be honest to yourself and to whom you are with and create that level of trust between the both of you. While we all can get caught up in the heat of the moment and do things on the fly - it can also lead things to go awry.

If you’re going to cross the line, be ready to pay for it in ways you may not even begin to realize. The law can act very swift in these cases and the possible outcomes can ruin your lives forever.

Don’t be freaked out - but be reasonable and aware of what’s going on around you.

Considering Circumstances

2010-09-04T19:49:00.002-06:00

One of the things that both danae and I agreed upon when we set out on this poly path was that we had a pretty well rounded idea of what we wanted. It was molded and crafted after several discussions to the point where it was pretty well locked in. The prerequisites were not easy. Non-smokers, real-time, single, non-attached, able to handle being in a polyfidelitious relationship in a loving, sadomasochistic, dark-minded M/s dynamic.

That’s still what we ultimately seek.

In our search, I’ve come across some good people who didn’t exactly fit the mold we were looking for, but someone who I thought could possibly serve in the capacity they were able to. Maybe they had kids, were married, were otherwise in a situation where relocation was not possible (or desired), or the chemistry was prohibitive for reasons beyond the parameters danae and I laid out.

Their situations were not unlike our own in a way. Seeking something somewhat unattainable and getting frustrated in the process. A submissive I once I talked with didn’t plant a seed, but somehow festered the following the thought avenue to emerge:

”Why not consider circumstances for what they are and live with them to the extent we can?”

In another words: why not be open to situations that may not be perfect while in the midst of searching for the one we’re looking for?

More on that in a moment…

I then started to think about all of the single mothers, broken marriages and other less than perfect situations that are out there. I could see both dominants and submissives living their lives vicariously online because their realities simply can’t handle it. How they are reminded of their impossible situation each time they look in the mirror. How their situation scares away so many who have no outlet, no real way to live the lifestyle they crave because their reality keeps them stymied until the kids graduate or until the marriage runs its course.

Maybe it’s the “fixer” in Me. Maybe it’s the part of Me that wants to help others and give something to someone who doesn’t have what danae and I have.

I know it’s not about settling.

I know it’s not about giving into a situation that is less than what danae and I seek.

But over the last year I have entertained situations that don’t fit what we ultimately seek. Yes, the reality is that nothing is 100% perfect and I realize that. I also realize that there are some things I cannot move on. For example, even though I can’t move My limit on kids - doesn’t mean that I haven’t stopped from considering such a situation. It would mean that this submissive can only serve Me so far. I’m okay with that as long as everyone knows how the situation is and how far it could possibly go.

Can it get sticky later on?

Of course it can.

We’re organic in nature, we’re always changing and situations evolve from one moment to the next. Change is bound to happen regardless if we’re involved with someone or not. Are the assumed risks involved in some of these situations too much? Are the possible entanglements and risks of delving too deep - too much in considering situations such as these?

Yes, this might mean that the situation falls apart down the road with feelings hurt and crushed in the process … but they call that life. If we lived in little bubbles with protective head gear, safety belts and air bags………. (wait - scratch that…)

…the point being is that every situation is going to carry risks. Even if the alignment is perfect and all things are hitting on all points … there are risks that it won’t last or the chemistry just breaks down. Then of course, there’s the concern of what happens to the dynamic if (and when) we find someone who will be able to fit into that long-term r/t position. What happens to the other dynamics that were established?

But the flip side of that situation is equally fair. If the submissive/slave happens to find someone that better suits their situation then they should have the same flexibility to switch as well. For example, a slave who has kids who finds a single Master that wants to own her and embrace her family dynamic. That would mean substantial changes to the dynamic I would have with her and with us.

Those are the risks and if it’s accepted as such with the parameters, honesty, communication and respect - then: why not?

When we break it down, we are all ultimately a series of complex situations coupled with vast experiences and unique perspectives. Just because the situations may be less than perfect does not mean the passion is any less. It doesn’t mean the fire isn’t diminished or otherwise extinguished for the next 18 years before the kids graduate.

Life is more forgiving than that and it would be foolish to pass up opportunities that at least allow us the opportunity to have fun, to explore and otherwise live what we wouldn’t have done if our doors and windows were shut and locked waiting for the perfect one to knock on our door like it happens in the movies.

I realize this blog post may set a new tone for My views on poly. Maybe I have grown a bit in My poly-maturity. Maybe I have seen the possible rewards of investing in those that don’t have anyone due to their circumstances, who still want and need things that are ignored because of their situation. These submissives and slaves are still very passionate about what they have to offer - even if their realities are hobbled or heavily conditioned with confines and provisions.

Many may have passed them by - but I’m re-thinking My process a bit to take another look or two before deciding if the situation can be workable.

Something to think about…

Where Art Thy Spoon?

2010-08-29T09:50:00.000-06:00

It's been awhile, hasn't it.

Since My last entry (mid-July) ... let's just say that life got a bit hectic and out of control. Not that things are in their full and up-right positions for final approach yet ... but some of the turbulence has subsided a bit and I'm about to set things back on auto-pilot again.

I'm starting to find a groove again.

Since mid-July it's been mayhem. Both danae and I knew it was coming. We could see it on our radar and could see it approaching. But if you've ever chased a rain or snow storm, you know that when you start seeing the dark clouds ahead of you - that you could be in for a rough trip.

And that's how things have been for us. As I type this - the sun is out; both metaphorically and literally.

I do hope to get My blogging mojo back as I have a couple of entries that have been on My mind, but for now - all you get is an update. I will try to hammer out the other thoughts when I can - but for now, go outside, take 5 minutes to just stand there: watch, listen and otherwise just forget about the lists in your mind, the TV, the chores, Farmville, whatever. Unplug and step away from the things that pull us into our ruts.

Life is good - enjoy the day!

Quick note .... "Where have you gone?"

2010-06-04T00:47:00.002-06:00

For those that chime in here -- wondering where I went off to ... you can find Me over on LiveJournal: lordspooner.livejournal.com .... leave a comment and I'll be sure to add you over there.

The Words Say One Thing.....

2010-01-06T20:28:00.000-07:00

...but the picture says another.

It's not uncommon.

You're looking through a personals site (in this case CollarMe.com) and you glance at the pictures and read the profiles a bit. One of the things that always bothers Me is the profile that goes a little like this:

(image of a nice set of women's breasts with a hand seductively tweaking one of the nipples...) Nice image, right?

But then, here's the profile:

"Hi, I'm here because I'd like to make new friends"

But are the boobies speaking for themselves? Or have they gone rogue on the rest of the equipment and typed out their desperate plea for friendship while taking a snapshot of themselves without the knowledge, consent or approval of the rest of the body?

*sighs*

I realize that this also works the other way around with a guy who contacts a gal - saying they want to be friends with nothing more than a picture of a giant cock in their profile....

....It really makes one wonder - exactly how sane the world is these days....

Pimping FetLife ... and you might win!

2009-12-17T19:35:00.001-07:00

Okay - it's not a hoax, they actually ARE giving away things.

But here's the deal: you need to be a fetlife member -- AND -- you need to sit on Santa's lap to tell him what you want.

Not everyone will win, just like the lottery - but hey, you never know....

So, if you're not a FetLife member - think about becoming one, then - sit on Santa's lap: http://fetlife.com/sit_on_santas_lap and have a happy holidays ...

....okay, not THAT happy - c'mon, kids might be watching... :P~~~~

The Porn Problem

2009-11-22T18:19:00.001-07:00

The bio-flick: The Notorious Bettie Page was on IFC last night.

A decent movie, but Gretchen Mol does an outstanding job portraying the 50's pin-up queen.

There was a scene in the movie -- that really got me thinking -- about the evils of pornography and the depictions of women being bound, degraded and otherwise subjected to whatever was sought. Aside from that imagery causing me to grin, smile and otherwise daydream -- I considered the perception of how the depiction of porn in movies, in books, in stories basically admonishes porn to be the root of evil for all men.....

Is porn really that evil?

The movie took the stereotypical route of how morally damaging it was for a few souls who "happened to have" porn in their custodial at the time of whatever mis-deeds they were doing. Which just sends me over the edge in a barrel because I simply don't subscribe to the flawed logic of the "association" crime game that constantly plays out in everyday life. The "association" crime basically says: "as long as you are within a certain radius of the said *thing* ... that must've been the reason why you flew off your rocker...." Many of these said characters were also religious in one form or another. So if they were in the same proximity of their Bibles too -- then why don't we blame the word of God as being a catalyst in their behavior?

That's why the "association" card gets a little sticky sometimes...

Does this mean that porn is harmless then?

In the grandest scheme of life - it is harmless. Seriously.... Porn is a graphic expression of sexuality. If the argument that porn is vulgar, then so are our movies, our music, our poetry, our books, our TV programs -- literally anything out there can conceivably be considered vulgar as well. But we measure what is acceptable and what isn't and the problem with that comparison is that it's completely subjective. Not every piece of porn grabs my fancy, but I respect that it very well could be somebody's else's kink -- even if it just doesn't happen to be mine.

But people use pornography as some sort of all-encompassing lynch-pin in the failure of marriages and relationships -- while blatantly ignoring that maybe the marriage or relationship was in peril long before porn entered into the fray. Porn gets a bad rap while the real reasons continually get ignored, overlooked and held in contempt.

Men being accused of "cheating" on their wives using porn -- when very little has probably been done to EXPLAIN the reason why the man may have felt compelled to look at porn in the first place. Do they no longer have a very satisfying love life? No more spark? No more sexual energy between them? Have they talked about it? Have they worked at trying to do more things together or explore alternatives side by side?

The problem is: we change and evolve over time. What turns us on today wasn't the same thing that turned us on 10 years ago (for the most part...) So for a couple that got married and they're now 4, 5 or 12 years in their marriage, one or both of them might be bored with how things have been going. So then why not just come out and say that? Why not call it for what it is and work at resolving it together?

Porn gets blamed for relationship crises when the reality is -- there's probably at least a half dozen other things at play.

If you find such material objectionable, then you
don't ....
have ...
to ....
look ....
at ....
it.

Period.

End of story.

If you find it offensive - then you can absolutely exercise your right not to look at it. And don't try to use the argument: "kids today have more access to porn than...." Kids today are not unlike the kids of yesterday or the week before. If they WANT to find something out, they will find out about it. At best, as a parent - your best alternative is to educate your children and instill the values you think are important and let THAT be the guiding principle that they will use in life. Trying to hide something isn't going to work. Trying to pretend it doesn't exist is simply crazy.

Porn isn't to blame ... for once, it would be nice if folks looked at their own personal responsibilities rather than trying to blame someone else for their own shortcomings ... but then it would be nice to see pigs fly sometimes too....

Poly Puzzler

2009-09-12T18:37:00.001-06:00

(Just a reminder to folks -- I hardly ever blog here anymore -- I'm over on LiveJournal as LordSpooner, so if you want to follow me over there - that'd be great.)

A friend of ours posted something in her LJ that got us both thinking about the puzzle with poly. Namely the issues of polyfidelity, exclusiveness and the "primary problem" that sometimes exists. While there is no one true universal way to approach poly, I'm bestowing the standard caveat that everyone's mileage will vary. I have been simmering some thoughts on the subject and I believe I've come to some realizations about where I wanted to go with this post.

First off, I'm comfortable in the fact that there are certain elements I'm about to go into here that I consider to be pliable, mailable and subject to change. This isn't to say that we shouldn't have a certain amount of goals and parameters for our relationships. But we're not approaching this search that we will eventually have to "settle" on some things. I do believe there's a lot of room for negotiation and chemistry between everyone ultimately helps resolves this issue, but for now, there are a few subjects that I wanted to put out there.

Polyfidelity -- For some reason, the word "fidelity" always meant something totally different whenever I heard it, so when you add poly to it -- my mind just hiccups every time it sees it. However, the concept behind polyfidelity is exactly what we're looking for. To us, polyfidelity signifies one's investment in the dynamic. In my eyes, we're investing in them - so it seems only natural that they in turn want to invest in us. It's not that I hold anything against those that have an open relationship - I don't, but it's not exactly what we're seeking.

That's why we've characterized our search for a bona-fide triad where our girl will have a relationship with myself as well as with danae. While I have nothing against "V" dynamics - it's just not what we're seeking. We're really hopeful that we will find someone that wants to be apart of both of our lives, not just with myself or just with danae.

But there's a perception in the community as a whole that we're looking for the stereotypical "unicorn" or the infamous HBB (hot bi-babe) phenomenon. We're not. "Unicorns" are treated as very superficially, and typically in it "just for the sex" -- again -- while we have no problem with others pursuing this for themselves, it's not what we're seeking for the long term. Yes, I fully expect times when we're all intimate together in that "wickedly awesome threesome that every guy dreams about" but for us -- it's about going grocery shopping together or with one or the other. It's about spending quality time just enjoying each other's company on a Sunday morning, fixing breakfast, sipping coffee and going through Sunday morning advertisements, laughing and singing to 70's music on satellite radio. It's about snuggling for naps, it's about passionate love, caring, and sense of couple-dom in a triad environment. It's deeper than the sex - tantric almost - and something that touches the core of who we are.

Yes - there's an M/s side to owning two women that I love deep down and I don't make too many apologies for being possessive. It's a sign of security, that comfort zone that you're loved, wanted, cherished and protected. And if our poly girl is being shared in other dynamics -- I almost feel like I can't control and protect if there are multiple relationships in the process. There would be an entirely different wing of dramatics and issues that would strain the dynamic.

Which I realize some dynamics are totally okay with. Maybe it's how I'm investing myself - or maybe it's how my "fixer" personality fault is coming out.

But how fair is that?

To be that exclusive ... when you're not in that "primary spot."

*sighs*

Which brings us to an entirely different conversation of the use of "primary, first, second, third...." Because both danae and I honestly believe that there's no need to have a division like that in the kind of poly dynamic we want. We don't want the strata, we don't want the label of "first and second" nor do we care to think of someone as being outside of our relationship. To us, poly is the joining and merging by including someone else in a dynamic that aspires to be equal to one another.

And I know there are those out there that aspire to be the same.

But the classic example is Thanksgiving - when our families do not know about the dynamic or the bdsm aspect to our lives -- how does that get played out? I've been with danae for over 6 years - coming up on 7 .... and thus my family and hers have accepted the fact that we're together - as a couple (even though they also think we're living in sin - but that's another story.) So when we finally find the one for us -- and she comes with us because she's family too ... then "oh, she must be a friend of Michael and danae's....." "Where is she going to sleep?" "Why does she spend a lot of time with them?"

On some level, there's a degree of acceptance of situations like that - not just for the fact that it's an external issue outside of the dynamic, but an acceptance inside how we feel about that when it happens. We'd want our girl to be a part of us - and that's everything, but sometimes those obstacles keep that from happening. I do know that I would take it very personally if my girl felt like an outcast and that would be something heavily discussed from the onset.

Maybe I'm over thinking all this. But as I hear about other people's horror stories about their failed poly relationships - I do believe giving these issues the proper contemplation and foresight is a good thing.

We want something permanent.
We want something lasting.
We want someone who is going to be happy and content, who wants to stay with us and be apart of our lives as much as we want to be apart of hers.

The Poly Puzzler is a challenging one that requires a LOT of thoughtful consideration, honesty and communication. Merely being poly-minded isn't enough, but it is a start. Admitting what our deep down desires are is not an easy endeavor because we may try to convince ourselves: "Oh, we can do that." or "That's doable" when in fact it might be totally doable for the short term -- but after a year, will you still feel the same?

Lots to think about and lots to discuss during the course of our search.

(Special thanks to wenchalicious for inspiring the thought process that led to this blog. A good deep topic to contemplate.)

Change is good....

2009-03-01T22:09:00.003-07:00

...so goes the saying...

I started blogging on blogger back in 2002 and I'll be the first to admit that in the midst of my meandering Journey here ... there ... and yon ... I've been pretty resistant to the whole LJ experience. Not that I have anything against LJ, but when I just want to write down my thoughts -- blogger suited me just fine. LJ is much more for a community-feel to it and I completely understand its appeal.

That said.

I started dabbling a bit more over there and I'm starting to like it more. What's attracting me the most is the filtering mechanism because sometimes I just want to air out my thoughts to danae or to aislin or to both of them without publishing things to the entire world.

It's not that I'm trying to hold anything back -- it's just that some things do require at least a bit more focus. While I'm writing here - I am usually very careful with my verbiage to make sure that I'm within a certain frame of mind. On LJ - with the filters in place - I can run a bit more freely.

So while it might seem like I've abandoned my blogspot account - I do promise to try and do some cross-postings on here still as The Journey remains a significant part of where I've come in life. For those that are in the LJ realm -- please go ahead and check me out at http://lordspooner.livejournal.com

I'll see ya' over there, over here -- somewhere :)

The Evil of Fetishism

2009-02-26T08:27:00.000-07:00

First -- a definition by Merriam:

"an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression"

In a discussion about fetishes, a question arose. At what point does a fetish cross the line from simply having an interest in something? For a fetishist, you're almost always crossing that line.

danae has never came across a fetishist before she met me and to hear her say that made me incredibly uncomfortable because it just sounds completely freakish. All of a sudden I'm feeling very self-conscious again as I face the reality of: "I can't NOT engage sexually without the fetish, the image, the thought, the visual, the act..."

But I find that it's not a matter of preference.

For as long as I can remember, I've always had to have the visual in my head: the picture, the sensation, the "thing." And by admitting that - it seems so incredibly wrong. That's because whenever one uses the word "fetish" or "fetishist" there always seems to have the negative stereotypes like: "I can't orgasm until I smell stinky feet," or "I have to rub myself in Vicks vapo-rub just to get off..." Not that I'm trying to demean or disrespect those that have those particular fetishes -- for me, there's nothing "self-erotica" about it.

For instance: I love hoods. I love latex. I love tight shiny spandex. But I do not have a fetish of wearing hoods, of wearing latex or wearing tight shiny spandex. Nor do I wrap my cock with pantyhose and masturbate to that. All of my fetishes are engineered with a partner in mind. The visual, the scenario, the outline of my kinky thoughts are voraciously wrapped around another participant (and yes, multiples therein) so it's never solo act. Otherwise it would be simple to merely have the interaction with that particular fetish gear item and be happy as a clam. But, that's not what it's like for me.

Everyone is a little bit different though. Some fetishists merely need the "thing" with them without any other human contact. I can surmise that it probably has a lot to do with a lot of solo masturbation throughout the years -- creating the story in my mind so that I can relieve the tension in my body through an orgasm. Those images play an important part if terms of getting my body ready to cross over the point of no return.

But those mental images necessarily have to be complex in origin. It can be as simple and benign as just having a collar and leash, clothed, or not -- with the fixated item is the collar and leash. Other times it can be much more involved with having danae in a hood, tied spread eagle, nipple clamps, rope harness, naked except for a pair of satin gloves while she's being tormented with a hitachi wand and having her pussy spanked. It just depends.

Sometimes my fetish visions extend beyond the set of the scene itself. Things like the idea of extended play, permanency situations, objectification and modifications that can send me into orgasmic orbit!

There's no real rhyme to it - but it's always there.

Being a fetishist is not nearly as difficult as it is to be living with one. I acknowledge this. There's the perception that the *thing* is somehow more attractive than the person.

I know how that reads.

Ultimately I don't blame anyone who might have bad things to say about that.

It's hard to describe why my body doesn't react the same way other "normal" people. The only thing I can offer is that my brain simply won't let it. That's not to say the vanilla-side of making out doesn't turn me on. Without a doubt, I get very aroused with the touching and the kissing, but those things alone won't even take me near anything to the point of orgasm. Maybe it's an embedded requirement to have some sort of mental foreplay arranged in my head so that I can come quickly so that I don't wear down danae's arm or mouth.

My mind takes over at that point and sends me over the edge. This has been my life for as long back as I can remember.

Fetishists need to be aware of how our process affects those around us. As consuming our fetishes can be, there has to be a degree of awareness of how it affects the relationship. Understanding the basis of our fetish is the first step, learning to incorporate those fetishes with those who we want to be sexual with - is also important. But lastly -- as impossible as it might sound, fetishists have to come at least part way to appreciate the connection of one-on-one physical contact with our mates. Unless you're so absorbed into your fetish that you don't need the contact from the outside world -- then let's not forget the rewards for having excellent companionship.

Having someone who understands our fetishes is so incredibly wonderful! Don't waste that chance you have for companionship by living your life alone in the closet. It's simply not worth it in the end.

The Tapioca Poly Problem

2009-02-15T14:47:00.005-07:00

I realize that there's a perception out there that everyone in the bdsm lifestyle "must therefore be poly...." *sighs*

Generalizations kill me.

Whoever slapped that label on all of us -- deserves a pretty hefty beating. Unfortunately, if it's a perception issue then I'm afraid there's nothing any of us can do about that. People will think however they want to think -- and that's that. But the over-generalized label is heavily flawed because:

for (1) one, it's inaccurate
for (2) two, it's a matter of choice between consenting adults.
Lastly (3), poly isn't for everyone - just as much as the lifestyle in general isn't for everyone.

It's really that simple.

Not everyone likes tapioca pudding -- so why does it have to be on everyone's tray in the buffet line?

Answer: It doesn't.

But then why are these folks that don't like tapioca pudding sneering those who partake in the tapioca pudding?

Ah, herein lies the rub. It's this kind of useless "us vs. them" bullshit that is entirely unnecessary. What is so incredibly difficult for some folks who simply can't respect the lifestyle choice of another? It's unfortunately not just a matter of respect as it nearly mimics the like of an all-out flame war where: the folks on "that" side try to dissuade, ridicule or even condemn poly folks from participating in THEIR lifestyle of choice. Conversely monogamous type people shouldn't be pressured or coerced that they HAVE TO BE poly minded. It's ridiculous to make someone they don't want to be -- so WHY?

C'mon folks, we're playing in the same sandbox. Play nice!

*sighs*

There's the fundamental basis of want, need and desire - that should at least be respected by both sides of the issue. We have to respect each other's path and realize that no one way is better than the other. It just happens to be right for *us* (you, me, the person sitting next to you, them) in that moment.

Period.

Whether your poly or monogamous -- what matters most is that you're on the path you choose to be on. Let the powers happen as they will just like is does with everything else in the lifestyle ... that's how it works.

Unfortunately the criticisms don't stop there as there are those that think that if you're engaging in a polyamorous dynamic - then you're somehow damaged for wanting to do so. Why is that? I can't help but think of all of the different ideological sources that lead folks to their conclusions about "the dangers of polyamorous relationships" in the first place. I do believe that there are always the horror stories that circulate like the one where:

"the Dominant sought to restore stability in the primary relationship by introducing a third person into the dynamic."

It's perfectly legitimate to ask the $64,000.00 question of "WHY?", what is the rationale and explanation for changing the dynamic to include another person? It's a straight forward issue - and hopefully absent of the warning bells in our scenario up above. Unfortunately it's instances like this - that don't help the perception of poly.

If a dynamic hasn't seriously considered all of the ramifications, hard work and possible avenues for the added dynamic -- then that situation may have more than a handful of stumbling blocks. Because when you consider the intricate nature of relationships between JUST two people -- those complexities multiply in triplicate in a multi-dimensional relationship. Every single one of the basic canons of our relationship principles are instantly amplified: honesty, communication, and trust. Even your typical play-partner arrangement has some degree of negotiation, contemplation and an exchange of thoughts, concerns, feelings and ideas. The main point is to ensure that the balance remains and doesn't suddenly teeter or shift.

Poly families that have successfully extended their dynamic to include others have worked extremely hard to make that happen. It takes a very solid foundation with continual maintenance on the basic tenets of relationships in order to make it work. It's unfortunate that there's the stereotype that all bdsm relationships are polyamorous -- because I do respect the monogamous-minded folks out there and I completely agree that they should be able to practice their monogamy as they wish.

They don't have to have tapioca if they don't want to -- but please maintain some civility to those of use who do want it.

Adding a New Keyword Tag/Label Here....

2009-02-11T13:28:00.004-07:00

Normally a subject line like this won't get a lot of attention, but I can assure you that the content below this sentence is probably going to catch your attention of some of you just a little bit.

The new keyword tag/label being introduced here is POLY because after resuming and ultimately concluding continuing discussions on the topic - our relationship has reached a solid point where we are ready to expand our dynamic. Yes, I am in the process of re-writing my profiles and starting the process of deciding what I want. So while this extension is new chapter for us - but it's one that has really been a long time in the making.

danae has repeatedly blogged about poly throughout most of her Journey and what it meant to her. In our various discussions spanning the last 6 years I've welcomed the prospect of perhaps someday making an addition to our dynamic, but most these discussions were mostly philosophical and practicality -- as couples generally do in their variable "what if" type talks that cover everything from "what's your favorite ice cream" to "what do you think about breath play.."

So the genesis of the concept around poly really started from the beginning of our relationship. We approached the situation with the necessary seriousness and contemplation that one would hope a major path decision like this would take. It wasn't until we started discussing it recently that we both came to the consensus that we're ready to move forward with it.

Okaaaaaaaaaay.... what does that mean? It means that starting right now, I am beginning the process of seeking other relationships outside of the one I currently have with danae. Other relationships can be defined as casual as an occasional play partner all the way to a deeper D/s possible M/s relationship. How that intertwines with my M/s relationship with danae depends on the dynamic that evolves over time. Obviously the casual play partners don't take the relationship exit off-ramp, but those interested in traveling down that road must remember the basic fundamental process in how relationships evolve in general.

A lot of discussions, a lot of getting to know one another, a lot of assessment of how the chemistry is and how the general feeling is between two people. danae will be a part of this process because I choose her to be apart of this process. she does have a say in all of this because she has a vested interest in what happens as well.

If you're wondering though "How does danae feel about all of this?" then look no further. she spells it out very plainly and if you have questions -- feel free to contact either of us: My email and her email

So you're reading post #1 with the new tag/label of POLY. It's not the first time I've blogged about poly" -- but I think you'll see the very gradual transition of thought to where we are today.

What Time Does to Us.....

2009-02-05T22:14:00.003-07:00

I've been debating about whether to blog about this or not..

The whole Facebook phenomenon is just ... weird ...

I've reconnected with folks and overall it's been a nice experience.. Most folks seem genuine, they are helpful, funny and not like the rag-tag hormone driven kids I remember.. In a big way -- it's been nice to see all of us grown up.. Several people having kids, enjoying their respective hobbies, being successful, etc.. etc.. And I will admit -- it's kinda cool..

But yes - I did already blog about this this time last year.. Yet this is a little different..

Thanks to Facebook - I didn't have to expose myself to the unwanted type things that I anticipated would transpire ... and I'm very glad in a way that I didn't go.. For one - there would've been the very uncomfortable confrontation with an ex-girlfriend that would've been very unsavory.. But then there's the smattering of other things I'm finding out about my teenage cohorts:

- Some are Republicans ....
- Some are devout Christians ... which isn't that surprising in general, but a small selection of folks that found their religion -- when they were a bit of hell-raisers in school *is* a tad askew...
- Some of their interests are .... "wow"

And yet as I type this -- I'm not sure what I would've expected.. I guess it's comforting to know that some people grew up while others still seem like they're struggling a little bit.. I see a culmination of "how-we-got-here" moments and the totality of it is overwhelming I guess...

Okay - now I'm just rambling....

Where is the line?

2009-01-18T22:33:00.005-07:00

To Spank or not to Spank -- that is the question.

...unfortunately the answer is completely convoluted and ultimately impossible to apply universally...

What is permissible or not -- is nothing more than a futile, selective interpretation of what is in your local laws and how they are interpreted by your local police. Yes -- POLICE. Because you don't get the luxury of defending the laws of consensual sex and play when the police arrive there. That's because the police are interpreting what they are seeing and determining if any laws APPEAR to being broken. Thus any exercise of trying to talk your way out when your submissive is hanging from the rafters in an elaborate shibari harness -- becomes effectively MOOT pending your day in court.

I recently joined a FL group that really tests the borderline of where I consider giving not just legal advice, but in someways they are leaning over the edge by offering improper legal advice which if someone tried to argue -- they would ultimately do more harm than good.

That said - I'm not trying to discourage people from looking into the laws of their surrounding municipality -- in fact, I'd encourage that if you happen to have a kink-friendly local LAWYER that is familiar and well educated in the statutes, zoning laws and codes that affect our lifestyle. Please notice the word LAWYER here. Make sure you get a local lawyer because they are going to know the law better than someone who maybe a lawyer in a different state on some group like FL or somewhere else. They aren't going to know what's legal and what isn't -- because the law is unique to every town, city and municipality from one coast to the other.

I don't mean to mince words here - but some lawyers do this kind of thing for a living. You don't ask your auto mechanic to take a look at your TV do you just because he's good with tools? You don't ask your psychiatrist to re-set your broken arm or to fill a cavity in your hurt tooth just because they are a doctor, right? So please take heed and do not try to get your legal advice from anyone other than someone who is intimately familiar with your LOCAL and STATE criminal laws.

What is permissible, allowed and legal is so wide reaching across the entire spectrum and it's impossible to ascertain what could be considered a dangerous weapon in one jurisdiction - only to be considered legal in another. What act, what sex toy, what seemingly innocuous wooden spoon or nipple clamps could be grounds for arrest and seizure depending on where you are in the country. Even dildos and self-erotica in some instances can be labeled as "self-abuse" and can be prosecuted as such.

That's why - in some ways - forums like this on FL and other boards and sites can actually do a tremendous disservice to the community as a whole because the advice is inevitably going to be fundamentally faulty. It's acceptable if you want to find out some of the "potential pitfalls" you may experience during your BDSM play -- but quite literally, every single form of bondage and sadomasochistic act can be interpreted as a violation of some law or statute. Even the notion of consensual behavior can be summarily dismissed as there is (for example) generally no provision in the law for "consensual assault."

We all run the risk of some legal involvement with any act we do to ourselves or to one another. That's why some bdsm conferences, clubs and dungeons employ legal counsel to ensure that their liability (criminal and civil) has been mitigated along with the potential for any involvement with local law enforcement. Some of these entities go to great lengths to employ safety measures and codes of conduct to ensure that they are meeting the guidelines, codes and laws where these events occur. In some instances, these groups actually work with local law enforcement so that they are aware that such an event is taking place.

Hence - the best and most reliable advice - if you're concerned that you're close to being in violation of the law -- is to hire a lawyer who can answer those questions for you. They are bound by the attorney/client privilege and to receive such advice is generally doesn't require a hefty retainer. It's the only way to ensure that you're not setting yourself for a tragic end to something that potentially could've been avoided.

(CAVEAT: No, I'm not a lawyer, but then if you've read this posting then even if I *was* a lawyer it ultimately wouldn't matter because I wouldn't know what YOUR statutes and laws are.... Get yourself a lawyer and ask these questions!)

We have no culture....

2009-01-10T21:54:00.002-07:00

Oh - the age lines grew a bit more today..

We travel to and from Denver quite a few times a year.. To try to find some decent entertainment so that the multiple hour drive doesn't -- is a little difficult sometimes..

Both danae and I thought that we could use trivia to help pass the time ... so for Christmas we saw a couple of trivia card games in the "one-spot" in Target..

We picked up two card games:
1.) History
2.) Popular Culture

The latter ties to the subject of this post...

*whimpers*

We have no culture.....

danae is reading off cards and we have no CLUE who or what some of these things go to!! OMG..... I felt like we aged another 10 years after that round of answers and yet it's apparent that we know more about history than we do about what's in the world today..

LIFE LESSON LEARNED: it's okay to admit our age, but it's devastating when we realize how out of touch we become as we get older....

The Top 10 Most Awesome Places on the Web!!

2008-12-17T08:46:00.002-07:00

Okay - that was really cruel of me.

Yes, I know you clicked and got this, but there's something you should know: You and I both have a problem.

Oh - I didn't see it initially. Part of me was in denial because it seems so completely senseless, but I'm realizing that I am a sucker for any of those: "Top 15 Ways you can really mess up a blind date at a wrestling match" or "The Top 50 Space Aliens you ever want to be kidnapped by." I have no idea why I'm compelled to click on the pages -- but I'm drawn to these incredibly futile lists because maybe I want to see how MY Top 50 Space Aliens stack up against some author bunkered down in a basement in southeast Detroit.

And yet - I've been noticing a trend though lately: I don't read things in depth like I used to. Whether or not this is the "twitter" effect -- where my noggin can only handle 140 characters at a time, I don't know. But I do find myself frustrated when I have to read over 4-5 paragraphs into a story before it actually gets to the meat of things and even then I find myself disappointed because I'm like: "I wasted 2 minutes and 10 seconds for this?"

It's like the line from "The West Wing": "I only have so much RAM in my head..." and there are truly days that I feel that way...

I also think that this could a product of where society has become so hyperactive about: getting this done, writing that email, scribble off that to-do list so you can march on the next to do list, on and on and on.... We're all victims of our technology that keeps us pushing forward to getting things done as quickly as we can so that we can use that free time we have saved up for a project we kept putting off....

The cycle never ends -- but I know my mind needs a quick break from things, it doesn't want to dive into a piece that is so choreographed that it takes a lot of energy and mind-think to really grasp what the author is trying to convey. In fact, when my mind is wanting taking a quick respite from the action -- it doesn't want deep ... it wants quick, entertaining, "let's go ahead and move it along" kind of material.

Are you an addict as well?

Be Careful?

2008-12-14T08:22:00.003-07:00

I don't get to read everyone's blog as often as I'd like -- but I do like sitting down every once in awhile to get caught up on what's been happening to our friends and people we like.. The good stuff, the bad stuff, even the seemingly mundane stuff because it ultimately comprises of the totality of our lives with the words and images we share.. Blogging has become a very wonderful way on how to keep in contact with people (even though I whole-heartedly admit being a primary violator of this principle.)

But this is where part part of me worries -- because we have become so open with our lives, our victories, our celebrations, our deep thoughts, our complaints, our ventings -- and the fact that they are also shared among the people of the big ol' world out there .... well .... it can actually work against us.. There are reports of bosses getting unhappy when they read a co-worker's blog piece that just chewed them out for taking the garbage out wrong. Even if names aren't revealed in our posts -- certain factual events can still be re-created if there's reason to believe *I* am the author of the blog.

That's incredibly problematic because this puts our careers, our families and our lives at stake with each posting. That's why I didn't post much about my previous place of employment because I didn't want to deal with the repercussions in the event one of my posts were revealed.... because if one of the posts were revealed, imagine how the remainder of my posts on sadism, hoods and objectification would've went over with the troops.... (YIKES!)

So I guess I'm offering my two pence of advice of being careful. If you have a LiveJournal account -- you can lock your posts to a small circle of friends if you still want to share what's going on -- otherwise, we all have to remember that these posts are nearly automatic on the web and while it may seem like a virtual impossibility of being discovered -- it can and has happened.

2008-12-12T20:12:00.000-07:00

Rest in peace, Bettie Page.

Haven't been online much....

2008-11-29T09:22:00.003-07:00

The pattern continues...

Time is running out on another year -- and while it may seem like nothing has happened in our lives (the absence of blog entries for one) -- I can attest that this is far from the truth.. Our daily lives are wrapped around my business and that isn't always a good thing. We did manage to sneak away to an overnight jaunt out of town -- had a fabulous time and we both said it was long overdue. I hope we can sneak away once more before the calendar gets replaced -- but news of this month hasn't been particularly good for my family. Without delving into a lot of gory details -- suffice to say that we're heading over to Denver for a week. All of your well-wishes and thoughts are greatly appreciated and I thank you. Let's just remain optimistic that we get some good news Monday.

So -- following the same pattern as before -- I'm likely to remain offline for awhile. Time is precious, but I still find it difficult to have topics to type about. That -- and combined with real life -- just illuminates the fact that we simply can't ignore the realities of our day to day. Real life is always going to be apart of our lifestyle -- and that's just the way it is.

The Real Threat to Humanity...

2008-11-18T08:30:00.003-07:00

There are some days I just shake my head...

I was reading an interview excerpt about Proposition 8 (the California) anti-gay ballot initiative to make homosexual marriages illegal) from Bill O'Reilly and Newt Gingrich.. I won't bother to include the quote or the cite because what really made me rolls my eyes was the concept that we're living in some sort of cultural warfare whereas the assertion is that there is gay and secular fascism in the country.

What Newt doesn't seem to understand is that his overbroad use of the word "fascism" wherein the concerted effort by the Mormon church (and many others) to condone the hatred and dissolution of the most fundamental right of association -- all completely protected under the guise of religion. Christ, Allah and God doesn't care WHO you consort with so as long as you're good to one another.

That's why the scare tactics of Gingrich invoking "fascism" just looks incredibly phony.

Seriously, Newt: "how are gays and lesbians a threat to the nation?"

It's the most preposterous argument that has ever been levied by the religious right ... especially at a time when divorce is so prevalent that it's considered to be casual and carefree. The moral fabric has been undone a helluva lot earlier before gays and lesbians entered the stage. It's simply laughable to seriously believe that the institution of marriage is being threatened by gay rights.

Why? What's the cause? What's the source of the religious right's fervor over two men or two women being together for the rest of their lives? After doing much thinking, I think I found the source of their angst from the most unlikely of sources:

That's right....

JANET JACKSON'S BOOB

While you're gasping in horror -- hear me out: the entire Janet Jackson boob-fest was nothing more than a ridiculous test of the decency standard which the FCC protects whatever is seen coming through our little TV boxes. It's not that there's anything un-natural about Janet Jackson's boob -- in fact, she has a very decent set of boobs if we were going to approach it from the art and beauty she projects.

So where's the crime?

As the FCC would say: "it's a crime against decency."

And that gets us back to the tenacity by which some others find decent and indecent. They invoke the Bible as though God himself said: "there will be no homosexuality" -- even though the Bible said no such thing. The Bible has always been open to interpretation and folks simply ignore or casually forget this fact. Hiding behind the Bible is yet another shining example of an old religious text that is obtuse and overwrought with problems from slavery to stoning a person for wearing two different threads. And if you haven't -- you must watch the West Wing episode titled 'The Midterms.' (feel free to watch the excerpt that reflects this concept here.)

If you take religion out of the equation -- which should be the bigger issue here -- then does the whole argument against gay marriage go out the window? Because if our religions are invoking our laws -- then we have a much serious crisis on our hands than that of two men or two women who wish to live their lives together. Because the moment we need to enact "God's word" into our man-made laws ... is the moment we have to put those people to death who work on the Sabbath ... is the moment we sell our daughters into slavery ... is the moment we have to condemn football for the touching of a dead pig is unclean ... is the moment we have to stone farmers who plant crops side by side or burn the clothing stores to the ground that dare make articles of clothing from two different threads.

In a nutshell -- the Bible is wrong about a lot of things so we shouldn't be so quick to see what Jesus would do in a situation like this....

And when humanity can't aptly the Bible without sounding like they are full of hate -- then it comes down to what's personally decent for them. That's the real tragedy here - because if it happens to be "indecent" for YOU to watch two guys kiss -- it doesn't mean that you should condemn those two guys from enjoying in the same happiness and love that YOU share with your hetro-mate.

There's nothing indecent about love.
There's nothing indecent about wanting to spend the end of days with someone you love.
There's nothing indecent about sharing that love with anyone of your choosing.
There's nothing Biblically exclusive about one man/one woman.
There's nothing immoral about the love between two men or two women.

Just because it's personally indecent for YOU ... doesn't make it indecent for all.

The same arguments were always made for segregation.
The same arguments were always made for women's rights.
The same arguments were always made when we conquered these lands and made it ours.

Finding faith in the Bible doesn't make it right -- it only means you can read what you want to read and can find some Biblical passage to support your particular point of view. Let's not FORGET kiddos that even the lifestyle can be interpreted as being a form accepted by the Bible -- even though we're clearly in the red-light district when it comes to how society feels about us.

But what really riles me is when these folks hide behind some incredibly inexplicable myopic point of view just because it makes them feel "safer" because we all know that a flaming gay hairstylist is somehow going to turn you gay with his fantastic hair gel. But when you invoke laws to protect your own personal decency -- then I'm here to tell you that you are wrong. Whether or not your stomach can handle the concept matters very little because in God's eyes, we're all created equal and yet it's a man-made law .... YOUR man-made law .... that says otherwise.

It's the biggest form of religious superiority wielding a political flag while embracing the most fundamental hypocrisy that defies the basic construct of what being human is all about.

Where has the time gone...

2008-11-02T08:10:00.002-07:00

It's early on Sunday morning...

Coffee is brewing ... getting ready to jump start My day...

My girl is still asleep and both of My computers are multi-tasking right now which leaves Me with a very odd time where I don't have to do anything right in the moment...

...a breath in the middle of chaos...

Because that's how it's been for us over the last several months - yes MONTHS because there really hasn't been a slow-down time for us.. Which if we're looking at it from the standpoint of having business -- being this busy is a good thing.. It's a blessing and with the likes of things coming down the pike -- we've got to continue to capitalize on what's in front of us and keep moving forward..

So - when I disappear for weeks or months at a time -- things are probably okay..

Is it really November?? *whimpers*

A very special birthday wish....

2008-10-18T00:01:00.000-06:00

To My girl -- danae ...

I love you very very much and hope you have a wonderful day today!!

(at least we better, we're having Chinese food for lunch!! Yay for you!!)

heheh

Love Always,
-M

The controversial meme?

2008-10-09T08:49:00.003-06:00

(borrowed from my dear friend ... who borrowed it from their dear friend and so on and so on....)

[1] Would you do meth if it was legalized?

Not in a million years..

[2] Abortion: for or against it?

Agreeing with my friend -- I do believe in a woman's choice to decide. It's interesting hearing folks that say we need the government out of our lives ... yet they can't seem to spin out of the fact that a pregnancy is a personal deal for women.

[3] Do you think the world would fail with a female president?

Hell no ... the country is very ready for a female President -- but just like it is for men: "not every man SHOULD be President...." The same can be true for women, black, hispanics, Asians, whoever ...

[4] Do you believe in the death penalty?

No I do not.

[5] Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?

I'm conflicted by this - because I understand the rationale from both sides. Just like any drug ... when mis-used it can have damaging effects to your ability to rationally make decisions. It's no different than Heather Locklear getting picked up on a DUI after taking too many prescription medications. She could've had a really bad accident -- just as the drunk driver does -- or a meth-head -- or the coke-fiend -- or the....

When you consider the amount of money we're spending trying to thwart the marijuana runners, growers, and distributors -- not to mention housing them in our jails and prisons where "real" criminals ought to be -- then I think measures should be looked at to make it legalized.. The money could be better spent..

[6] Are you for or against premarital sex?

It's up to the individual -- and more importantly: that's the way it should be.. I don't want the government telling me yea or nay with what I do in my private time.. That said, for those folks who don't want premarital sex in their relationships -- easy: don't have premarital sex..

[7] Do you believe in God?

Like my dear friend -- I have a hard time believing that there's some omnipotent dude (or dudette) sitting atop a golden throne with a staff ready to take me out of the gene pool. For the longest time I was an astronomy major -- then turned to history -- which means that God never really got a chance in my life...

But ... when we consider the *finite* nature of our universe -- something had to happen to get the ball rolling.. Science may one day be able to go: "this is what happened" and it might be plausible.. But for now, I do believe in the Big Bang Theory of evolution ... but someone had to light the match....

[8] Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?

I am entirely FOR civil unions..
But I do not believe churches should be forced to marry same sex couples if it doesn't jive with their faith..

However -- the moment churches all of a sudden cross that fabled line of politics and state ... then I have no problems forcing churches to marry same sex couples.. I have VERY very strong feelings about the church meddling in the politics while enjoying bountiful benefits behind incredible tax breaks and the such.. If they want to cross that line -- no problem -- they can start paying up like all of us do -- and be subject to the same laws and guidelines as the rest of us..

[9] Do you think it's wrong that so many aliens (of race, not ETs) are illegally moving to the USA?

If we really cared about illegal immigration -- then we should be pressuring Mexico to do more things with their economy rather than to leach it from the United States.. That might sound harsh, but when the President of Mexico actually ENCOURAGES Mexicans to cross the border, earn money so that they can bring it back down in to Mexico -- yeah -- I have a problem with that..

And if the President of Mexico doesn't seem to have a problem with that -- then we should take over Mexico and make it part of the United States..

That said -- I can't blame illegals for crossing the border in the first place.. They have no jobs in Mexico.. They have very little government assistance and their education, health care, police -- is riddled with gaping holes and problems.. Who WOULDN'T want to provide a better life for their family?? But from what I accounts I read a year or two ago -- Mexicans don't want to become U.S. citizens.. Some do, but most want to retain their Mexican heritage -- but at least trying to provide some food for their family.. Poverty is a really strong persuading factor for anyone trying to earn enough money for food for the family..

[10] A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it?

Extending the same sentiment as my dear friend did: "it's sad that this is even an issue to consider." And while I mostly share my friend's view that it's up to the 12-year old to keep the baby ... I do not think a 12-year old can adequately process the ramifications of what is happening to her.. I'd like to see the girl get counseling, get support behind her, and have adults take the situation seriously, respectfully, and supportively -- WHATEVER SHE DECIDES.. She is going to be living with the decision for the remainder of her life -- REGARDLESS of what she chooses.. Why not try to give her the best supportive environment for her to make the choice??

[11] Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?

No ... but then I'm working on the premise that every generation of kids are going to defy the laws and rules of society anyway.. But then I don't support the registration of selective service at the age of 18 either, but I imagine that's for another question for another time..

[12] Should the war in Iraq be called off?

We shouldn't have been in there in the first place.. We created the enormous power vacuum which has precipitated the unrest in the region.. But ... that's history ... we now inherit the incredibly FUCKED UP policy by "the-little-man-they-called-Bush.." So ... what do we do??

The only answer to that question is for us to STOP meddling in what the Iraqi people want.. But that's the problem, isn't it George?? See, when he took Saddam out -- oh, the people ROARED ... but while I've maintained from the start that this was the most absolute wrong move to be had -- Saddam kept the balance between the Shia and the Sunnis.. Now that there's no Saddam, now that there's an overwhelming majority of the Shia that wants to control Iraq -- oh -- but wait, the Shia are brothers in arms with .... you guessed it .... Iran.. Remember that whole "axis of evil" gambit this administration pounded into each and every one of us?? Yeah, the failings of this administration have only STARTED become realized...

Especially when we're not greeted as liberators any longer, especially when there was absolutely NO causality between 9/11 and Iraq, especially when Bin Laden and Saddam couldn't even TRUST one another to be on the same side --- the Iraq war was a war of convenience.. The solution has to come from within.. The solution has to be an international one and more importantly a REGIONAL one.. By the way - this isn't "handing Iraq over to the terrorists" or "surrendering" -- it's the only rational way to FIX that incredibly fucked up Bush doctrine that ATTACKED the wrong country in the first place!!!

[13] Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?

Nope.. If someone is really wanting to kill themselves, they're going to do it.. Why not make it at least humane??

[14] Do you believe in spanking your children?

Yes I do, even though I don't have children in which to spank.. But spanking alone isn't going to solve anything unless you can have the heart to heart talk with your child to correct the behavior in the first place.. And to echo the sentiment from my friend -- a lot of the structure of discipline in the upbringing of the child in the first place rests squarely on the shoulders of the parent.. If they can't control their children -- then they lost that opportunity somewhere and they need to find it and get it back..

[15] Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?

I wouldn't -- because I personally think it's wrong..

[16] Who do you think would make a better president? McCain or Obama?

Obama..

[17] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?

To quote my friend: "I don't know, and I don't really care." Ditto.. :)

It makes sense...

2008-10-06T16:36:00.002-06:00

I don't usually get into politics here -- but I found something I actually agree with.. The Senate passed a bill to conduct "advanced blocking" study..

Now at first glance you might go: nnnnnnooooooooooooooooo!

But...

Here Me out: the bill is designed to give parents greater control over content instead of trying to do this through the telcoms.. In essence, it's giving parents additional tools to help filter content at home instead of making all of us conform to THEIR ideals..

Which is the way it should be..

Because I don't think it's appropriate for children under the age of 18 to look at our website or My blog.. It's a level of personal responsibility across the board - then let individuals decide what they want or don't want on their internet coming into their homes..

So as long as this bill remains at the parental level, and not at the ISP level -- then I'm cool with it.. It's when we try to spread the wide blanket out for ALL users across the board that I have a fundamental problem with it..

Read more here..

Responsibility -- or the absence thereof...

2008-09-22T22:22:00.004-06:00

Recent events call for this post..

I'm responsible for what danae does, says, etc.. So when she does something that reflects poorly on Me -- she takes it to heart.. Very rarely (can't even think of a time) when I had to call her out on it -- because she's very aware of the things she does and says..

That's why I'm a little amazed at the audacity of some "owners" who clearly don't care how their property reflects on them.. I won't get into names, it's someone we've never met -- but suffice to say that if this was our situation -- there would be no discussion and it would've been dealt with swiftly..

If this owner condones their property's actions -- then it really reflects on their character.. My guess is that they don't know what their property has done -- and if they are aware .... then their character takes an even greater hit..

Responsibility isn't a dirty word folks.. It falls inline with honor and respect..

The Drama of FetLife: an addendum

2008-09-11T10:38:00.003-06:00

Early this morning an apology was extended to the FetLife community.. This was a significant step in the right direction.. In addition to publicly apologizing to those who may have been banned without warning or at least by way of the TOS, he outlined a plan to ensure the integrity of the group in light of certain events over the last 48-72 hours.. John spells out the responsibility he has to himself and to the community and I respect those words..

It's an opportunity..

Yes, wounds have been inflicted..
Yes, feelings have been hurt..
Yes, trust has been compromised..
Yes, it was a very ugly situation..

But as a community, we have an opportunity to once again bring the community together as it should be: to embrace our differences in a respectable manner that we hope others do back to us in kind.. I just hope that for some of those who are getting a second chance are paying heed to the opportunity.. No, I'm not addressing every person who was banned in the 48 hour holy war, because it's apparent that not everyone was out of line..

No, I'm addressing those incredibly unfortunate few that won't give a damn about any opportunity and will likely continue their incessant brainless diatribe without malice, consideration or respect.. It's sad when one's only plight in life seems to follow a line of obfuscation and destruction.. I only hope they can go piss in someone else's sandbox for awhile or to go crawl back underneath the boulder they came from.. So while we can all hope and pray for the miscreants get it someday -- but they seem to have in their bloodstream clearly prevents them from rational behavior, so I'm not counting on it..

The Drama of FetLife

2008-09-09T21:01:00.004-06:00

I must admit on the outside looking in ... it's pretty petty honestly..

Without going into the sordid details -- (which by the way I know of none except what little morsels that have been blown to the size of boulders throughout numerous threads, groups and blogs already) -- I'm amazed at how well we as a community can really screw things up quicker than anything..

I don't know the site owner, John.. I've read some of his stuff and honestly - I think his heart is in the right place.. That said, he's adding to several layers of pretty hefty bone-headed problems for the community .... but not without the lunatics who can't seem to keep their panties on at the first sight of a FIRE HYDRANT!!

Jesus people...

Why is it that we continually tout the basic principles of "personal responsibility" and yet we can't even tie our own shoelaces without causing an international calamity?!?!?!?

Personal responsibility STARTS WITH YOU.. Personal responsibility ENDS WITH YOU..

Period..

If you can't grasp even the most fundamental understanding of what personal responsibility means -- then you're absolutely not ready to join a collective of folks who do get the concept.. If you can't keep your panties from twisting up just because of the shift of the wind -- then you're definitely not ready to join a collective of folks who can hold it together.. If you can't exercise restraint, call for diplomacy, or keep a level head during the middle of this "apparent crisis of biblical proportions" then I can completely understand why you're so deeply troubled whenever your TV plays the Geico commercials and the computer generated lizard..

C'mon people..

Use your head..

John has a whole wheel barrel load that he has to rectify and to be held accountable for.. If he's going to create a community and then violate his own terms of use -- then that's not much of a community.. It reeks of poor judgment if not poor actions.. But he has at least started down the path of recovery -- and it's a step in a logical direction that should've happened in the very beginning.. It's not as though I'm cutting him any slack -- because honestly, if anyone is brave enough to start a community like he's done, then you should also have the foresight to know that there will be days like today..

It's the reasons why we had fire drills in elementary school.. To practice for the unthinkable..

Yet....

A calamitous experience like an all out "war" that's happening in the halls of FetLife right now is also precipitated by the inherent lack of basic respect that we should have for one another.. The scathing posts about John's decision - rightly or not - should be met with caution and embraced with the demeanor that speaks more volumes when words are carefully selected instead of spitefully lunged like a balestra move.. Instead of adding more vitriol to the issue -- seek to remedy through a positive exchange that upholds the honor and respect we should have towards one another..

And if you can't act like an adult.. If you can't elevate your vernacular to the level beyond a petulant schoolyard brawl .... then please exercise your right to leave the group.. If you don't like how John is running his version of the lifestyle community that it's entirely within your ability to take the nearest exit and leave the plane in an orderly and efficient manner..

For myself -- I haven't decided if I'm going to participate or if I should simply follow out the exit doors myself.. It speaks a lot of a person when they can't truthfully relay the facts of what happened and arbitrarily apply a standard that has no substance, no form and no structure whatsoever.. For what FetLife was going to be -- it's unfortunate that the growing pains caught up to John in a way that could splinter the lifestyle even more than it is today..

I don't want to waste my time with the drama -- and judging by the length of this post -- I think I've dedicated the amount of time I am willing to offer..

A meme from my friend illiebrat :)

2008-09-08T15:56:00.002-06:00

01. Do you have a tattoo?
02. How old are you?
03. Are you single or taken?
04. Eat with your hands or utensils?
05. What were you doing last time you daydreamed?
06. Ever seen a corpse?
07. Bob Dylan or Johnny Cash?
08. How did we meet on LJ?
09. Whats your philosophy on life and death?
10. If you could do anything with me, and have no one know, what would it be?
11. Do you trust the police?
12. Do you like Country music?
13. What is your fondest memory of fandom?
14. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?
15. Would you cheat?
16. What do you wear to sleep?
17. Have you ever peed in a pool?
18. Would you hide evidence for me if I asked you to?
19. If I appeared on your doorstep, unexpected, what would we do together?
20. Which do you prefer - short or long hair?
21. Do you sing in the shower?
22. What's your favourite fruit?
23. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, who would it be?
24. Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you?
25. What was your first impression of me?
26. Have you ever done drugs?
27. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

The Voice of God...

2008-09-07T15:42:00.002-06:00

I was sad to hear of the passing of long-time legend Don LaFontaine who most folks don't even know about.. He's most commonly heard, but never seen -- as Don was dubbed "the Voice of God" because of his booming tenor voice that creates drama in the trailers we have watched for all of those years.. His anonymity was what he loved the most..

That is ... before the Geico commercial ...

... that would forever immortalize the man behind the voice ...

Very few can come close to mimicking his style ... and from someone who loves to try to mimic the "voice of God" ... I will miss his booming voice..

Update and discussions in the wee hours of morning

2008-09-07T15:06:00.004-06:00

Whirlwind doesn't accurately describe life for us lately ... it's a bit of an exaggerated understatement.. We have a very small reprieve before life absorbs us again..

On the way over to the big city though -- danae and I had to strike up a few interesting conversations in order to keep Me awake (early morning drives are a bitch..) As the early morning sun was just beginning to peek on the horizon, we found ourselves immersed in several lifestyle discussions covering a wide range of topics of strange poly situations to kidnappings to deep levels of ... I'm not sure what you would call it.. It's primal, it's an almost dehumanization to the point where you bring the slave to a level that de-evolultion.. Definite dark thought material..

I'll probably write more later -- for now I'm just wrapping My mind around things..

Please Stop the S.S.C. Superiority Complex

2008-08-05T22:46:00.003-06:00

The lifestyle isn't exactly easy to explain to the vanilla world. What we do to one another, the vanillas simply raise an eyebrow to, or they'd rather send us all out of the country because they’re afraid we’re going to give them some disease or some other ridiculous thing. They think we’re freaks, they think we’re messed up in the head or have been abused and it’s one of the major reasons why most of us don't practice our kink in the open. The vanilla world just isn't ready for us quite yet even though we’re out there more with the occasional episode on CSI or on Law and Order (where we're almost always painted in the wrong hue.)

A couple of decades ago in an effort to quell the vanilla panic about raging gay males preying on heterosexual males, slave David Stein and GMSMA (Gay Male S/M Activists) created a mission statement for their group. Born from a 1983 August report was the phrase "safe, sane and consensual" attached to it. Please take a moment and read his article that talks about the history of the phrase here. It's a very good read and goes into much greater depth than I can even begin to get into.

Fundamentally though – the phrase itself was a very small part in a much wider scope to help the GMSMA group define itself to the vanilla world by simply trying to say: we're not like the way you think we are. Slave David cites that the context of the phrase itself is vital to understanding it's true meaning. But he acknowledges that the phrase has become a cliché and that some people have misused the phrase in a very simplistic way that scorn someone else's play or philosophy just because it happens to rub you the wrong way.

So let me see if I have this right: a phrase that's supposed to be used to help explain "we're not the way you think we are” is now actually being used as some sort of imaginary “bar” to where we’re all supposed to live the lifestyle in a very nice compartmentalized way. S.S.C. today is being used to prejudge how people play in the lifestyle – even though it was a way to re-write the prejudices of the GMSMA community in the 1980’s. That doesn’t appear to be what slave David or the GMSMA intended. The evolution of phrase has almost been bastardized to the point where it has the almost exact opposite meaning from its original intent.

History aside…

First of all, who gets to decide by what measure that what we do in the lifestyle is or isn’t the right way of living the lifestyle? Who gets to set all of those parameters we’re perfectly capable of defining for ourselves: ”no golden showers, the dominant won’t control my bank account or who I choose to talk to, no humiliation, only light s&m please, but only when I’m in the mood??” Who gets to decide that golden showers is somehow “dangerous” or that putting danae in a cage is putting her life in danger when in reality we’re constantly in a state of danger when we emerge from our caves each day to join the real world. We live in a constant state of acceptable risks, so what’s perceived as being “dangerous” is nothing more than a ruse to anoint one’s self and ideals upon others so as to come out against others, scorn them as being “dangerous” because they happen to enjoy the lifestyle differently than you.

No where in slave David’s explanation does it ever suggest that S.S.C. is meant to be an established criteria of exactly how lifestyle folks are supposed to live by. slave David’s words weren’t about establishing the overall scope by which the lifestyle would operate – by his own admission the phrase was coined to dispel the myth of the ” typical association of S/M with harmful, antisocial, predatory behavior.” It wasn’t some ideology that the GMSMA created to be anywhere close to becoming the approximate “framework” by which we practice our lifestyle individually.

Lifestylers who stand behind S.S.C. with a scolding finger towards other lifestyle folks are completely ignoring the history of the philosophical approach to the lifestyle and how the phrase came into existence in the first place. They are mis-applying its concept by trying to mold it into their “vision of the lifestyle” – then cowardly launching attacks against others in the lifestyle while having a very unhealthy sense of omnipotence that their particular brand of the lifestyle is somehow superior. Needless to say, they get no cookie from me.

But then comes the question of “why”

Isn’t it okay to be different? Do we have to march to the beat of the same drum, in step and single file? Follow the principles and tenets laid out in Screw the Thorns?

Can’t we be unique?

Isn’t it okay to have different tastes, different likes, dislikes along side our fetishes and fantasies.

Isn’t it okay to practice our lifestyle in a way that is perfectly fine for us, even if it’s not your personal preference?

What’s so inherently wrong with the way we practice the lifestyle that makes it “dangerous?”

Oftentimes people who speak in the abstract about “danger” are merely projecting their own insecurities or forsaken beliefs about the lifestyle in the small world they surround themselves in. It makes them feel safer to admonish those on the fringe, rather than acknowledging the differences we have among us and accept them as such.

The lifestyle does not need rigid barriers and boundaries to keep us corralled up in a nice tidy pen. Yes, that’s a very bold statement and I stand by it for a few reasons: a.) as the lifestyle continues to evolve, the spectrum continues to expand and change b.) we can’t possibly account for every level, every journey, every activity and expect a perfect mold that helps define that boundary and c.) it’s wrong to criticize thy neighbor when you yourself are trussed up in a latex catsuit being led around by a leash!

”Then what about those nutballs that commit murder in the name of the lifestyle?” Nuts will be nuts. Whether they are church-going, whether they’re Democrat or Republican, whether they had a nice comfy life or a miserable one. Just as it would be incredibly irresponsible to judge a Catholic who went on a shooting rampage at a mall, it’s equally irresponsible to assume that everyone in the lifestyle is just like those nutballs that don’t represent the lifestyle the way we live it.

”But what about all of those new people who will be so enamored with the lifestyle and play recklessly.” Again, reckless and responsible behavior can’t be mitigated when we have folks who clearly shouldn’t be driving because they drive reckless and irresponsible. People coming into the lifestyle for the first time generally have a place where they’re starting from. A magazine, a film scene, a story they read about. Something, somewhere along the course of their development helped them reach the point where they could go: “I want to try this.” In today’s rendition of the lifestyle – with the multitude of websites, chat rooms, books, movies and sources – the person entering the lifestyle has a much greater opportunity to learn from an incredibly wide and diverse lifestyle than ever before.

By educating people about the spectrum of the lifestyle we are allowing individuals find their niche for themselves. The ability to choose, select and try-out various degrees of the lifestyle is what helps govern the boundaries. I’m much more of the approach of: “There is no one ‘right’ way, except for the way you ultimately decide.” That's the glorious part about being unique is that we don't have to follow one standard to help define the morality that binds us all together. Less adversity, more diversity.

Unfortunately therein lies the problem.

There’s a segment of the lifestyle community that believes that they can create a standard that they consider right and just for the rest of the lifestyle. They take their newly founded “standard” and try to apply it in their blogs, on lists, in groups and everywhere they can as though they have been self-anointed to lead this crusade on behalf of the lifestyle.

Don’t get me wrong.

I don’t have a problem if they are defining it for themselves. I don’t have a problem if they are defining it in their relationships. I don’t have a problem if they want to display what the lifestyle means to them, but I do have a problem the moment they try to define it for me and danae or anyone else. I do have a problem when they try to define what’s right and what’s wrong. I do have a problem when they take such a prophetic concept like S.S.C. and try to use it as a weapon if even dare cross their lines and boundaries. I don’t need anyone trying to define the lifestyle for me, for danae or for anyone else because we’re perfectly capable and able-minded to research it on our own and find the path that’s most appropriate for us.

The pigeon-holing and “holier than thou” approach to the lifestyle has got to come to a stop.

We’re all unique – get over it.

Us :)

2008-06-16T11:33:00.001-06:00

Create your own family sticker graphic at pYzam.com

Original Thoughts .... or the lack thereof

2008-06-14T21:21:00.001-06:00

I have a minute, so I sit down to go ahead and think of something inspiring to include in The Journey.. Why?? Because I’ve tried to refrain from blogging about the zit on my chin or commenting about someone who cut in line in the express checkout at WalMart the other day or sharing the fact that I’m watching Kill Bill Part 1.. I’m not sure why I withhold that – except that I try to keep The Journey above the trivial.. I’ve tried to blog about issues, thoughts and meanderings that have come across My path from time to time.. But what happens when I find Myself at a loss of anything new?? Right when I think: “ah, I’ll blog about this” I dig and ultimately find it somewhere in My archive…

So much for an original thought.. Drat!!

And I decided a long time ago that I didn’t want The Journey to be a full-fledged fodder-fest either.. I could keep writing ”The Inside series” as I have about all things kinky and erotic – but I’m not sure I want the direction of The Journey to go that way.. Because ultimately The Journey just isn’t about sharing your fantasies and dreams, but also how we cope with the realities that surround us.. The Journey is an extension of our website -- Within Reality.com because we strive to keeping things real..

Yet when I think about my typical day – it’s really a culmination of work, work, work, some incredibly wonderful kinky thoughts scattered in between bills, errands, break, phone calls, eat, napping, and more work work work.. That is My reality.. To those that can live the lifestyle completely and totally – without interruption from the realities of the world on a continual day-to-day basis, you have My deepest envy..

But that’s not My original thought for this post..

Ultimately I don’t want to repeat what I’ve already typed out – it’s redundant and unless I’m offering a change in My opinion or stance – who wants to read the same crap over again?? So when I try to look for things to blog about – nothing seems really compelling.. One reason is the common stance I take on the lifestyle and bdsm related issues: to each their own - loosely translates that as long as the parties are informed, aware and consenting – it doesn’t really matter what you do..

I have been tempted though to call out certain bone-headed things I’ve read about on the news or in some of the group lists.. But even as I try to find an original thought in there … I find that I’ve already blogged about it in one form or another.. Again – it’s redundant.. Have I become redundant??

*sighs*

I know this is probably just a phase … but there are times that I look into the blog-verse and seriously wonder what else I could add to it..

Gas Prices Are Yucky...

2008-06-06T01:31:00.005-06:00

I haven't blogged in quite a long time -- mainly because things have been so incredibly busy around here the last couple of months.. Gas prices have zapped us pretty good so we spend a great deal of our time doing work here and consolidate our trips more efficiently.. Unfortunately no day trips which saddens both of us.. Mind you - we're paying substantially less than in other parts of the country - and to our dear friends who are paying more for gas - you have My deepest sympathies..

We've also started watching the NBC show "Heroes" lately.. We're hooked and what's really sad is that long before we even watched the very first episode -- we both thought: "we're going to get hooked ya' know..." I think we were both trying to look for reasons not to be hooked .... but we are.. It's hard not to like Hiro -- and being a trekkie and a geek resonates well with Me.. The intertwining plot lines so far in season 1 are really cool.. It'll no doubt be a "keeper" when they go on sale..

For whatever reason though -- I feel like I'm in a lifestyle drought right now.. Nothing is particularly compelling or spellbinding.. Nothing is particularly noteworthy or interesting right now.. Maybe it's being so busy and overwhelming that there isn't enough room to contemplate things right now.. We both need a vacation - but I'm not sure that's even on the radar..

That's it for now though..

I find this inherently erotic, but can't put my finger on it....

2008-05-15T17:02:00.001-06:00

hmmmmm.... *winks*

This about sums it up....

2008-05-07T23:14:00.000-06:00

Age Appropriate....

2008-04-28T07:56:00.002-06:00

We were in an office supply store yesterday, finishing up My purchases when danae and I both noticed a woman in a very short snug printed dress, hose, heels, the works.. She had her back to us and My double glance was more of a: "it's Sunday and is this her Sunday best??" While danae's thought process was: "that was not age appropriate.."

I take two steps as we're leaving the store before the explosions in My head go off:

"AGE APPROPRIATENESS????"

For a moment I thought I had instantly been transported into some twilight zone adventure ... but when My faculties returned, I asked her: "Age appropriateness??"

danae then quipped back with a solid, definitive "yeah, she should be dressing her age.." My mouth probably dropped down around My kneecaps ... because here is someone who clearly knows that I'm a clothing fetishist and so a display like that doesn't bother Me at all ... in fact, I can turn it into a multitude of different aspects of D/s and be happy as a clam ... but now I've just been wrestled to the ground by something that has never appeared before in My instruction manual.. (..."age appropriateness??")

As danae would go on to describe it for Me -- yes, it makes sense.. (paraphrasing) "If she wants to dress like that way and give her man a lap dance, then have it, but not when she's out in public.." *grumbles* Even if My girl is partly correct, the overriding principle remains of whether or not it's within MY right as Dominant to have danae dress in such a manner in public..

Bottom line: yeah, it's My right, but am I prepared for the repercussions of the decision I've made?? Good owners, Dominants, Masters and Mistresses work this into the equation because of what it's going to do to your property.. Case and point: take a sledgehammer to your brand new car - are you prepared for the repercussions of how the car is going to be after you strike it with your weighted mallet?? At least one would hope so..

So do I dent My property for the sake of My inner fetish or do I "do the right thing" and not subject her to the inner horror of dressing inappropriately?? That's where I wrestle - because I do have other outside considerations to ponder before I make that choice for danae ... but deep down, I don't want to damage My property and let her dress as she deems inappropriate..

In a way, I will lose out regardless of which way I decide because it'll either cause harm on danae's self-image or I'm now living My fetish through other "wanton sluts" in the world that don't see the harm in dressing the way they do.. I fully admit that this is politically incorrect, insensitive and maybe even unfair.. I guess that's why I love the gothic approach to "fuck it all to hell" because they put themselves out there for *themselves* not for the general population to approve of / disapprove of.. They do it because they like it, they do it because it's who they choose to be..

And I guess that's why it doesn't matter to Me if there's a 50 year old woman trying to become 30 years old again ... because if she wants to do that - then the world should just shut up and let her be.. The world won't shut up though because of the Barbie ideal and all the other assorted traps and pitfalls that women fall into.. Maybe this is a sign that we're getting older and our tastes will change - and that makes Me feel very depressed and bummed all of a sudden..

PS3 vs. Wii

2008-04-27T23:55:00.001-06:00

When the feet touch the ground running....

2008-04-12T09:45:00.003-06:00

It's Saturday morning -- the pussy cats have been enjoying the monitor's warmth, I sip My coffee that I've missed so much and the universe is quiet.. My brain has been expired the past couple of days and yet it feels good to have so much that I've accomplished.. I've missed My girl something fierce and I'm sad I couldn't be here for her when the world seem to crash around her.. Like a trooper - she dug in and held on until I could come home..

I don't have any revealing - lifestyle thoughts to contribute as there simply has not been the time to wrap My mind around it..

The break I'm in will last for about 10 days before I gear up for the next major project.. It's at times like this that I wish I could clone Myself 2 or 3 times ... but I'm blessed with the work even though it's very heavy right now..

More updates and other tangents as they warrant..

Two minute life update...

2008-03-16T09:19:00.002-06:00

Why two minutes??

Because that's about as much time as I currently have *heavy sigh*

So - this will likely be the reason why you won't hear from Me in the coming weeks (possibly months) -- but keep up with danae as she'll be much better at updating than I will be..

The Fall of a Hero

2008-03-07T09:52:00.004-07:00

It should come as no surprise that I'm a bit of a geek.. So when I also come out that I am deeply saddened by the passing of Gary Gygax, one of the founding fathers for the infamous role playing saga "Dungeons and Dragons", you shouldn't be surprised or taken aback.. I've read several eulogy type postings by folks on various sites, so I won't try to mimic what has already been done -- except to convey My joy to see how many people embraced D&D and to establish the history of video games and role playing games in general -- are owed to Gary and to Dave Arneson for creating the game that revolutionized the gaming industry..

I have to chuckle at the likes of some of the posts of how they wish they could roll a "saving throw" for Gary or to throw some sort of spell that would have him reincarnated ... he'd get a kick out of that, I'm sure..

My introduction to D&D was rocky at best -- because My mom was paranoid and thought bad things were going to happen to Me.. She was very protective and after seeing the Tom Hanks: "Mazes and Monsters" movie -- she feared for My life.. Everytime, I'd sit down with her and explain that it was not real, it was imaginary, and that I would be okay.. She tentatively would allow me to play - and even if I asked her today, I think she'd be still fearful that I was enjoying a game of Neverwinter Nights or some other game..

I had a circle of friends in elementary & middle school that played often, but I was too insecure and shy to even play to their level.. But that never stopped Me from wanting to play.. Eventually I would gather My own group of guys and we'd play D&D and Top Secret down in the basement of our house.. It would be an all-night fest full of Doritos, M&M's and Coca Cola.. It was amazing and I treasure those memories very fondly.. I still remember riding My bike down to the local hobby store to check out the latest D&D stuff.. I couldn't afford any of it because it was pricey, but as time went on, I could get the Advanced D&D book and some other games..

Unfortunately, I didn't play an organized campaign like that ever again - mainly because gaming changed dramatically after that thanks to computers.. There were the text-driven mazes that we played on the TSR-80 computers, the "Adventure" game that I spent hours playing on the Atari game console.. And I forever love playing games that make Me think, troubleshoot, diagnose, and develop strategies on how I was going to best My opponent the next day..

And that's what I love about strategy games like Neverwinter, Command & Conquer and Civilization ... they make you think..

So..

What was born from graph paper and beautiful colorful polyhedral dice was a tremendous amount of creativity, ingenuity, and the belief that you can overcome virtually anything.. That's not to say that My characters never met death -- oh, I've died many a death, let Me tell ya'.... but you learn from your mistakes and you capitalize on what you've learned to do better next time..

And what a valuable lesson in life really..

The premise of dusting yourself off after a nasty fall, getting smarter because of it, and taking the risks you need to in order to make it each day.. That's what living is all about -- and what better way to learn the lesson, but by way of the game..

Thank you Gary - you will be missed..

When Reality Shows Bite...

2008-02-28T09:16:00.004-07:00

I'm so entirely NOT into reality shows..

Yes, I watched the first season of Survivor with interest - but in the end, I was disappointed that nearly every reality show that has some sort of money prize in the end -- becomes an incredibly greed-fest of a contest that people would do anything to try to win.. Maybe that's a product of our society, maybe not.. But the clincher for Me has been the latest "scandal" that has rocked the reality world that transpired on "The Moment of Truth" where a wife had lied to say that she wanted to remain married to her husband..

Now why on earth should this be so mesmerizing?? Maybe because the whole "to tell the truth - we give you $500,000" angle..

Wait a minute..

I tell the truth and I get money??

Seems easy enough, doesn't it??

That's until you get little flings that happened to this couple -- where the sole reason engineered by one or both of them -- was just for the money.. Not to mention that these shows and their producers dig so deep that the questions would become so uncomfortable -- you'd rather shrivel up and die ... which is what they want so that they get more of a ratings draw -- which is the other greed component of some of these shows..

So the couple won, right?? No.. Because the very next question that she was asked was whether or not she thought she was a good person -- she answered yes, while the lie detector came back and said she was lying..

She lost all the money on a question that would seem easy to answer ... because you've just admitted on TV in front of millions of people around the world that you've cheated on your husband and you sought to date an ex-boyfriend ... and that makes you a good person?? But it's more than that.. They appeared on a TV show knowing what the premise was -- and they admitted to knowing the issues before hand -- yet they saw the pile of green and they were cast for the show..

While one may argue that the premise of the show was to reward one for being honest -- and I'm thinking: "yeah, but look at what happened here.. Everyone knows about it.." But ultimately it's a ploy - and a bad one at that.. The couple seemingly manipulated the situation because they knew they had problems and even talked about the infidelity that she had been doing behind her husband's back.. Now whether they shared that with Fox producers -- I don't know -- but Fox gains because the story took life and has existed for several news cycles -- it generated buzz and now more people will watch to see who else will be a fuck-up on the show..

Most of these shows are so concocted with the greed component it does nothing to help out their situation in the end.. It does nothing but to give us great gossip Monday morning around the water cooler.. And it gives Fox high ratings and the show lasts for a few more turns..

The premise for shows like "The Moment of Truth" exposes the problems with how we live our day to day.. We're not as honest and forthcoming in ourselves and thus - we go on national TV in hopes to make money off of it.. Think how distorted that sounds: we can't be honest unless someone is willing to give us a wagon full of cash..

Shows like Survivor, Big Brother, The Moment of Truth, and other greed-fests aren't doing anyone any favors.. Fox, CBS and every other broadcast company who benefits from these mis-deeds, lying, cheating, manipulating behaviors and ultimately that's doing more harm than any video game can ever do.. Because when we can't be honest and truthful with our feelings, or have this insatiable need to "screw the other guy" just to get ahead -- then that's a clear sign that we accept those behaviors because we watch them on our televisions..

The counter-angle to that is: "No Michael, we have a voyeuristic need" but ultimately I know better than that -- especially when we are flooded the incessant need to fit the Barbie ideal, or to find out that the new green is the new black, or that a certain beer will make me look smashing at my local pub.. We simply can't readily dismiss the undertones that these shows carry forward for us because we're surrounded by it..

Inside: The Fascination with Fashion

2008-02-08T01:25:00.000-07:00

I'm just warning you in advance: "This post may seem very superficial, seemingly uncaring, and not very politically correct.."

Now I don't want to get anyone's hopes up.. Believe Me, I'm a real far cry from having any real fashion sense.. Then again, anyone who knows anything about Me -- also realizes that I don't really care to follow anyone else's "trend" or whatever they think is "in.." I like what I like.. End of story..

Contrary to the stereotypical mold of the typical Dominant -- I do not fall into the category that My slave has to be naked.. Rubbish.. My likes, dislikes and other nuances make Me who I am -- and while I love the nakedness of My danae -- I also swoon at the way I choose to dress her.. And as horrible as this may sound, naked women are fundamentally the same: you got your girls on top and your coochie downstairs.. The girls come in all shapes and sizes and the coochie comes in several different varieties, but the parts are still the same.. Two girls an adorable coochie, two more girls, another adorable coochie.....

And this is going to sound completely horrible: but after awhile, it can be boring..

Not that I don't admire the female form -- I completely adore, desire and LOVE the woman.. But when you see several naked breasts and exposed pussies -- it eventually gets redundant.. It gets repetitive.. And this is where My fashion kinkiness kicks into high gear.. One thing is absolutely certain though: I'm not talking about fashion in the sense of danae's favorite TV program ... in fact, one might infer that I run a very narrowed vision of what I like to see on danae.. Yes, I subscribe to shiny, tight, bold, revealing, "the sluttier, the better" fashion emergency-type motto..

And I'm not without compassion and understanding.. The overwhelming majority of women utterly and completely despise the mere concept of things in My optimal spandex universe.. But I completely understand how uncomfortable it can be -- and I'm sorry women feel that way about their bodies.. Our society is so backwards wired, that instead of embracing our appearances as we are and celebrate our curves, we hide them in shrouds and layers of sweatshirts and over-sized cotton fabrics.. Society is so mentally obsessed with the Barbie-ideal, that anything less is ridiculed, berated, teased, and otherwise scoffed at.. How fucking incredibly stupid for these myopic fools..

So - I *DO* care, but that doesn't absolve the fact that if I had 5 BBW's sitting in chairs in front of Me, I will be looking at the one that's wearing hose and slick black dress shoes.. It's My fetish -- I own up to it -- I'm sharing it.. What things fall into Michael's Fashion Universe??

TIGHT -- Spandex, latex, darlex, pantyhose, tights, girdles .... anything tight.. I love the look of tight garments -- because they are a form of clothing bondage in a way.. The way the fabric conforms and creates a barrier around each nuance -- whether it's hiding a breast, the leg and yes -- even the curves .... especially the curves.... I'll address the hose issue a bit later..

SHINY -- I love the look of shiny stretched fabric -- revealing no lines, almost skin like.. The basis of the shiny fetish also has to do with the notice factor -- shiny things get noticed.. :) I like shiny things.. :)

Combine the tight and shiny -- with say ... leotards and unitards and I'm in heaven.. :) Even the new trends in "under armor" -- I love because of it's extremely tight fitting nature.. Slightly shimmery & tight -- absolutely perfect.. :)

COTTON -- How incredibly boring can this fabric be?? Yes, I get the fact that it's comfortable and practical.. But it's bland -- why not be wearing paper sack fabric instead?? A fabric that resembles My fruit of the looms does NOT get My vote in the clothing fetish column.... Sorry.....

LACE -- One of the most annoying fabrics out there because while it's supposed to be teasingly erotic - it's scratchy and the texture just makes Me want to pull away when I try to cuddle next to it.. It feels like sandpaper -- and it's just not appealing..

SATIN -- Completely falls into the whole "I'm totally into it" realm.. Whether it's a satin bra, panties, or even a gown -- :::purrrrrrrs::: -- it's soft, it's flowing, and it just looks fabulous on any woman's figure..

SHOES/BOOTS -- I have a weird thing: no toes.. I've let danae get foot apparel for comfort -- but ultimately, if it was a critical fetish point -- I'd throw out every toe-exposed shoe and replace it with something that covers them.. Why?? (and this is going to fry your noggin) Foot/toe bondage.. I love the look of a jet black heel or even ballerina-style flats..

With boots, I like anything from the low-fit to the calf or knee-high length boots.. Laces, no laces -- fine.. Heel, no heel, okay.. But keep it black.. I'm not interested in brown, tan, beige.. I could see pink perhaps..

PANTS/DRESSES/SKIRTS -- Usually forbidden.. Not fond of jeans.. Tights, leggings, or spandex/feel pants are okay.. I love danae in dresses and skirts.. Thankfully she's quite the girly girl and loves dressing up in them.. No real preference with skirts and dresses -- but I'd love to get a really short dress & skirt for her sometime.. In this area (believe it or not) fabric doesn't matter -- even denim is cool..

MAKE UP and HAIR -- Girly girl.. :) Dramatic eye shadow.. I love it.. Granted, I realize it makes a girl look whorish, but again -- I don't care what others think or say -- I like what I like.. It's not a requirement or an absolute deal breaker.. It's a preference.. :) Lip stick, bright red -- yums :)

danae has great hair -- and she likes to dye it some of the more exotic colors -- again, hitting all of My fetish buttons.. :) Purple, red, pink -- anything under the rainbow I consider fair game.. There are times I wish we could find some wigs for her -- very Gothic in origin just for the day or night.. I like the flexibility.. :)

THE MORE EXTREME -- Bald?? Are you kidding?? I'm not.. It's a curiosity more than anything.. To shave a slave's head - takes their dynamic to a much deeper level.. danae and I have talked about it - and when we do, it scares her a bit (which is completely understandable) -- but ultimately I'm not sure if that's something that I want for her either.. On the deep dynamic level -- it's very appealing -- very deep, nearly permanent-like..

Burqas?? Are you kidding again?? Nope.. I realize it could be seen as religiously insensitive -- and that's a major hesitation because both danae and I have a deep respect for other faiths.. And while the idea of a burqa seems very contrary to the outlined items so far -- burqas can also allow you to do things in public under the shroud and nearly private.. Acceptance of public burqas is clearly a concern - mainly due to America's view of the Middle Eastern culture -- but it's intriguing at the same time -- and I'm not quite sure I can conceptualize it any better than that..

Forbidden costumes -- It's halloween.. You see a latex nurse or a slutty nun... Perfectly accepted because of the Celtic holiday -- but dressing like that normally is seen perfectly taboo.. Much like the Burqa respect -- I'm not sure I'd take danae out in public dressed as such -- but in private ... it's our business.. Will it damn us to hell in a handbasket -- oh, probably.. But most folks want us there already - so there you go..

So through the nylons, the satin, the spandex and the wigs -- I fully admit that I have a very unique list of likes and dislikes.. And while I probably cross every fashion faux pas -- I really don't care because I like what I like.. I break the Dominant mold by loving My danae in spandex tights -- and that's because I happen to have a clothing fetish that mixes in with My bondage and sadistic streak..

I realize all of the self-image issues that accompany My various style preferences and despite repeated attempts to reassure these preferences -- I know it's not going to happen overnight.. Society aspires to be just like Barbie -- and if you're not, then you're left to rummage around two racks of clothing while the Barbie racks continue to overflow.. But what many people might not realize is that some people do like it, they do desire it, they do love it..

Our bodies belong to us - and whether we're a pear or a curvaceous tart why must we have to constantly hide ourselves so that every immature asshole won't say a condescending comment or sneer?? As incredibly difficult it is to say, but "to hell with them.." To hell with Barbie ideal and bless whatever your body shape happens to be..

We are who we are -- and no matter what "ideal" we ascribe to, we're trying to compare ourselves with one another instead of looking at the admirers that love us just the way we are.. As complex as My likes might be -- I love danae's shapes and curves and her willingness to try to deprogram the ideals that society places on her.. she's a gorgeous woman and I'm so very lucky to have such a beautiful slave as her..

Measuring the vulgarities around us....

2008-01-28T18:32:00.000-07:00

I came across this article via a friend's blog.. And it just hit Me silly.. I admire and respect our friend's viewpoint - as the fundamental issue has to do with to what level do we allow ourselves to be exposed to the vanilla world.. I can see her point and on a fundamental level - I might even agree to a degree..

But then I turn My un-jaded eyes to the world around us ... look around.. Everyday, we're all "forced" to endure some sort of imagery, action, or statement which we don't agree with -- and may even judge the person on account of whether it was even appropriate to produce such an account for the world to see.. Whether it's watching violence in our TV news, or driving by the extremely unsettling anti-abortion billboards, or whether we see a public demonstration on our street corner.. Unless you stay home, lock yourself in, don't touch your computer, burn your newspaper, turn on your TV or radio and even unplug your phone -- you're bound to run across something in your day that just rubs your hair the wrong way..

That's just how life is unless you're in a pre-1980's Soviet Union or in today's China..

No matter how sterile we try to lead our lives, the Janet Jackson accidents (or non-accidents) will continue to affect us no matter if you walk through the mall and see the spiked hair, dog collar goth or whether you're standing in the checkout line and overhear an inappropriate discussion about God and abortions between the cashier and a customer when all you wanted to do is pay for your goods and walk out.. It's bound to happen and I walk through the rest of My day accepting that fact..

That's why when I look around at the "other vulgarities" of the world that day -- I guess I just don't see the issue with the couple on the bus.. They violated no law, their reaction was based on the original "freak" comment made by the bus driver and I simply do not see what harm was bestowed among the people on the bus that day.. The notion that parents would have to explain the couple to their children isn't any different than when parents have to explain why the police cars are down the street with crime scene tape around a vicious shooting.. It's no different than when you're driving down the highway and see an anti-abortion billboard and have to explain the meaning of it.. It's no different than when the child comes home from school and to have his/her parents explain what "gay" is after being called gay at the school playground.. It's no different than trying to rationalize a senseless act of 9/11 to a child..

Today's kids are subjected to an inordinate about of vulgarities and it's impossible to manage all of them.. More importantly, I grew up in a generation where you heard about stuff, you could see it, and ultimately you could decide how it affects you.. (but don't get Me started on the whole "protect the child" topic -- because there's a book in there somewhere....)

My point is - measuring, interpreting and incorporating the vulgarities around us is nothing new or profound.. Society has already scored us in whatever convenient category and the media, movies, TV, and pontiffs will continue to portray us in whatever light they want -- period.. We can't change that because as we all know: unless people are open to the idea - (at least to the point of understanding it) - then they won't get it nor will they even go as far as to respect it.. We can't change the perception - not when we have block parties like the annual celebration in Folsom, California each year of "scary people in leather and chains.." ::gasps in feigned horror::

The fact that this couple opted to put their lifestyle on display - only to follow it up with a public exchange about the lifestyle -- is pretty bold in My humble opinion.. Do I scold them, no.. Do I agree with their actions, no.. Why??

Because we *are* freaks..

Yes we are..

And I have no problem saying we're freaks, well ... because -- we are..

It's a harsh, negative, condescending word fueled by speculation, ignorance, and just plain bullish.. The insecure vanillas of the world use "freak" because they choose not to want to understand – and that’s their choice.. And that's why I believe it's not necessary to condemn or condone the couple's actions -- because it does come back to the matter of choice.. In as much as we have the power of choice to change the channel when we don't like the programming, in as much as we have the power of choice to cancel the subscription to a magazine that puts offensive content in its issues or when we choose to set aside our prospective purchases at the supermarket and walk out because we do not agree with the appropriate discussion between a cashier and customer -- it's all about choice.. People who did not want to observe the exchange or was offended by the couple could’ve exercised their choice by exiting the bus..

...and the couple clearly exercised their degree of "choice" by taking it to this level...

My point is - even if the couple took the leash off, sat stoically without responding to the bus driver's comments -- people are still going to call them "freaks" regardless.. But let's remove the collar and other fashion identifiers out there -- here we have a young couple, seemingly normal -- but they're still freaks .... WE'RE still freaks.. Merely removing the chains, smoothing down the hair, and keeping our thoughts to ourselves doesn't make any of us any less freaks..

We’re still going to be freaks whether we dress up in our leathers and chains or if we try to blend in with our vanilla society.. It simply doesn’t matter..

Deep down, I feel I would be a hypocrite if I went along with the notion that what the couple did was wrong.. I have has danae and other submissives in public in different situations wherein the “kink was showing” – whether it be by a prevalent collar, a rope harness, or by wearing something slutty.. Did I blatantly offend someone?? I have no idea.. Did I care?? Absolutely not.. They see far more upsetting things on CSI or on the real news.. Not when many of these vanillas are immersed in the ideals predicated by soap operas where there are countless lust affairs, extra-marital sex, murder, drug addictions and unwanted babies.. Not when we have publications like Cosmopolitan which borders on being a sex magazine which advocates 25 ways to get your man off.. Not when we have some politicians who want to re-write the Constitution to fit the Bible, when that’s not going to be possible at a time of armed conflict or by acquiring wealth..

Ultimately, I don't feel it's necessary for us to protect the vanilla world because the vanilla world is far beyond the help of our protection.. Not when we're constantly faced with a barrage of incredibly vulgar acts each and every single day.. No matter how much we try to sanitize ourselves, hide ourselves in our basement dungeons and closets: vanillas aren't going to change.. While I agree that the bus incident does nothing to promote the lifestyle in a favorable light -- it's time for all of us freaks to realize that there’s absolutely *nothing* we can do to ever promote the lifestyle in a favorable light..

Maybe that’ll be different in the next generation, but in the meanwhile, we are all Forever Freaks..

Looking Back

2008-01-24T18:25:00.000-07:00

I got an email from one of those places online that tracks your high school chums.. (yes, it's probably the site you're thinking of ... but I'm not going to mention it here because I don't want Goggle to find it..)

But I've been finding Myself looking back a lot lately.. First, I got an "out of the blue" letter from my ex-wife, second a long time hangout that we all used to hang out in is being torn down and lastly -- the entire notion of going to My upcoming reunion.. All of those things have crashed in one form or another in the span of just over a week..

And I have a great deal of mixed feelings about it all....

Out of the Blue: This past year would've marked My 10-year wedding anniversary.. The date came and went -- I actually missed it as it went by.. And when I did remember it -- I nodded and shrugged it off.. We didn't part on the greatest of terms, for reasons I won't extrapolate here -- but suffice to say there was a lot of stuff that I had to process before I moved on.. And I did.. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't clean, it wasn't easy -- but I safely stowed all of the resentment, all of the anger and all of the lies .... everything was processed, dealt with and otherwise handled..

So her letter came as a surprise and was unexpected -- and yes, I was taken aback by it.. It's the first contact I've had with her for over 9 years.. I mulled it over that night, talked to danae about it, and continued to process it like I had done years before.. There was no angst, there was no anxiety, there was nothing on the horizon that would affect Me any further.. I was just feeling a little shell-shocked more than anything.. Her letter invited Me to email her - and I felt compelled initially, but that feeling has since waned.. I re-read her letter the next day and I reviewed the points she was making and it was clear that her reality was much different in handling what happened between us than what actually happened.. I don't fault her - nor do I feel compelled to correct her -- because it serves no purpose except to pull back those layers which have healed successfully already and cause some additional scorching.. Right or wrong - I think I've made the right choice there..

The Old Hangout Busted up: My folks have long since told Me that a mall I frequented was being torn down.. At first, I was like: "okay, cool, whatever.." And it didn't bother Me.. When I was over there this past week however, I felt a sadness, a sense of emptiness that one of the places I went to all the time -- was being dismantled.. Twisted steel, broken pieces of concrete, mangled drywall and other fixtures where slowly being brought down -- almost as though with ballet precision between the immense machinery.. A lot of memories:
- The book store
- A music store
- An old Woolworth's and Wag's restaurant
- the courtyard fountains
- the echoing hallways where I performed several concerts
- the theater
- Montgomery Ward's and other big chain stores
- Orange Julius
- A comic book store
- Round the Corner burgers

Gone..

It's dark passageway was now split open exposing the chambers and recesses to this kind of light for the very first time since it was built in the early 1970's.. The landscape was being flattened and otherwise re-shaped for the new businesses and high rises that will soon takes its place..

It might seem funny to have such grief over the collapse of a building like this -- but the memories seemed to dissipate in the dust covered debris -- almost being lifted away from its stoic conception -- being free.. I wish I could say that all the memories were good in this place, but it was a safe refuge for My Mom and I -- as we would make it our "Friday treat" to go there, to window shop, grab a coke or something, and just walk around because we really didn't have any money to do anything else.. It was free entertainment -- in preparation of what was about to happen later in the evening...

...because we knew that My Dad was partying late into the night .... and if he was doing that, then life would be hell for My Mom that evening and possibly for the rest of the weekend.. My Dad is a very angry, impatient drunk -- and would take it out on My mother and us kids (but mostly on My Mom..) So there's some mixed feelings as My Mom and I looked at this hallowed land -- we know what happened, we were there.. Over 25 years have passed since those fearful times - I wish I could say that My Dad changed for the better ... but that wouldn't be true..

That class reunion thingy...: Which brings Me to the last tidbit here that I'm wrestling with the most.. The reality of one's class reunion is predicated on the belief that: "we all change.." And for Me, that's exactly right on target in so many ways that would probably cause people to drop their fork on their plate with their mouth agape.. Because even as far back as My marriage -- just barely 10 years past -- I'm so incredibly different in just a decade much less even beginning to try to relate to that guy who ate his sack lunch in the empty auditorium each day..

I was back in high school -- and I realize deep down .... I'm not supposed to.. But I can't help the belief that people go to these things fully expecting to see: "oh my god she's changed so much" to "oh my god he's gotten so fat!!" And we're right back why I avoided this crap in high school: I simply despise the notion of going to these things as merely a means to determine how much of a failure you are in comparison to your classmates.. And please don't mistake what I just typed -- because deep down, I hardly consider Myself a failure .... but I don't need the social comparisons to figure out what caste system I currently belong to now..

I am My own person - and I really like who he is..

So while others might use this as a time to "catch up" -- I simply don't have that desire built-in at the moment.. I don't keep in contact with the friends I had back then unless they need My help to get them out of whatever jam they found themselves in.. I was a very shy, kept to Myself, kind of guy.. I didn't really associate with any one particular crowd and I found great peace by just being by Myself.. Why consume Myself with the ongoing political correctness in trying to "keep up with My chums" just so that they can bask in the glow of their various trips to Italy and Greece while showing Me pictures of their 3.4 kids?? What is with this incessant desire to share every single morsel of your life since high school?? It's 20 years later -- I'm fat, I'm balding, My life has had more twists and turns than a Grand Prix race -- and yet I don't feel the need to have any part of My ego stroked for "doing well" or by realizing that I'm more successful than Brian who was the brain of the group -- who is currently a convenience clerk at the local supermarket..

But when I look at the big picture - only one or two of My classmate friends even know that I'm in the lifestyle and even then - that was extremely painful to admit to them.. I have no idea if that knowledge has since circulated among those that I would consider "My friends" -- but ultimately I don't care.. What I do care about is the incredibly horrific thought of swimming with the 'nillas for a "fun-filled evening down memory lane" just makes Me want to take in a night of forks scrapping horizontally and vertically down some blackboard somewhere while amplified by a megaphone..

I fully realize that some people look at reunions in a much different, more positive light.. But if the message boards are any indication of the drama that generally happens at these things ... then I think I'll be busy that weekend..

Remembering 2007

2008-01-01T23:28:00.001-07:00

One of the things that most news programs do is to wrap up their 10 most talked about news stories as well as who we lost in the last 12 months.. I've always been amazed by the popular people that have died over the span of the year - and the big names just keep coming up.. I won't list all of the names, but at least the ones that had any meaning to Me..

Dan Fogelberg, 56. I read a tribute the other day from a cartoon writer who was very passionate about Dan.. As I read it - I realized that in so many ways I could relate to him as he really wanted to do a jazz record, but realized that it was never going to be very profitable.. Thus putting one's priorities ahead of one's wants or desires.. Thankfully I've emerged from that shell a bit and I'm doing the things I want to be doing and by the sounds of it -- Dan was doing the same thing towards the end of his life..

Robert Goulet, 73.
Johnny Hart, 76. Cartoonist of the comic strip "B.C."
Norman Mailer, 84.
Marcel Marceau, 84. Said to have died quietly.... (sorry, couldn't resist)
Max Roach, 83. Jazz drummer
Arthur M. Schlesinger Jr., 89. Pulitzer-winning historian
Sidney Sheldon, 89. Stage, screen writer turned best-selling novelist
Beverly Sills, 78.
Kurt Vonnegut, 84.
Ingmar Bergman, 87.
Joey Bishop, 89. The last Rat Packer
Yvonne De Carlo, 84. Mrs. Munster.
Merv Griffin, 82.
Kitty Carlisle Hart, 96.
Don Herbert, 89. Television's "Mr. Wizard."
Deborah Kerr, 86. Actress who kissed Burt Lancaster on a beach in "From Here to Eternity" and danced with Yul Brynner in "The King and I."
Tom Poston, 85.
Charles Nelson Reilly, 76.
Tom Snyder, 71.
Jane Wyman, 90.
Jerry Falwell, 73. Not fond of his views -- but definitely changed the world we lived in..
Lady Bird Johnson, 94.
Boris Yeltsin, 76.
Warren Avis, 92. Avis-Rent-a-car
Liz Claiborne, 78. Fashion
Bob Evans, 89. Same as the restaurant chain...
Ernest Gallo, 97. Wine maker
Jack Valenti, 85. The guy who gave us the ratings system for movies....
Bill Walsh, 75.
Art Buchwald, 81.
Evel Knievel, 69.
Walter M. Schirra Jr., 84. Astronaut
Paul Tibbets, 92. Piloted the B-29 that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima. Nov. 1.
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borrowed from here

Humor: The Bic Pen + Amazon...

2007-12-31T12:56:00.000-07:00

As danae can attest, I have a rather different set of wiring in My head -- so there are certain things that just ... well ... send Me off the deep end.. This is one of those things.. It would appear that some Amazon company decided to sell Bic pens through their Amazon website store front.. Now the thing I love about Amazon is to read the user comments -- as sometimes you can get some real unedited opinions about a piece of merchandise..

That's the setup..

One bic pen..

124 (currently) reader reviews of .... the Bic pen: you may now proceed here...

My favorite reviews in just the first two pages:

"So needless to say my friends were against the purchase, but I bought one anyway.
Shipping was expensive, but if you are willing to wait for several weeks for your purchase, the price does become manageable.

The beauty of waiting two weeks for delivery is just daydreaming about the words you will write once you get it.

Overall I am happy with my new pen, I use it to write words and also scribble. Sometimes I hold the pen like it was a cigarette absent-mindedly, or chew on the end. The ink is tasty and free flowing. I wish I could have bought more than one, but my last name isn't Rockefeller. Keep a close eye on this beauty, because it is easy to lose and people try to carry it off like thieving scoundrels if you don't watch them.
Overall I give this purchase 3 stars, it is pricey, and the cost of shipping is prohibitive. But it is fun to write things such as grocery lists and signatures.
If your goal is to write a ransom note, subway graffiti or perhaps a little note to your ex-wife asking her and her new husband to enjoy living in your old house, I would recommend a felt-tip marker, perhaps red in color. Sharpie Brand makes very nice ones. "

----

"While trying to stick the pen behind my ear at work, I inadvertantly jammed it into my right eye.

It is definatly more painful than most pens, and the ink feels much more corosive."

----

"As a physician, life and death decisions are a daily occurrence. On rare days when no such decision avails itself, I go to the nearest seafood restaurant and solemnly point to the most spiteful-looking lobster and laugh menacingly as he is removed from the tank.

Nonetheless, one day I was using my Bic Crystal ballpoint pen, medium point, black, on rounds. On approach to the nurse station, a rather attractive young hire pointed out that I had a thermometer on my ear. I could only summon the wherewithal to observe that some arse must have my pen.

Please also note that the main difference between this instrument and a rectal thermometer is the taste."

----

Yes.. I relate to these people because they bring out the absurdity in life and take their creative prose out on something as incredibly stupid as the Bic pen.. Oh, how I so desperately want to participate, but since everyone else is doing it -- I must find another mundane item and leave My own mark...

....perhaps the paper clip....

hmmm -- must ponder this a bit more...

Christmas Part Deux

2007-12-28T22:41:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Christmas!!

No.. That's not a misprint..

Yes.. I fully realize that tomorrow's date is officially Saturday December 29th..

No.. I haven't totally went off My rocker.. (well, no more than usual I guess)

danae and I are celebrating Christmas tomorrow!! Complete with Christmas songs, fresh brewed coffee, wrapped packages, stuffed stockings, and freshly baked cinnamon rolls!! And if you're still scratching your head wondering exactly what in the hell I'm talking about -- we're celebrating Christmas Part Deux -- to complement the celebration that happened already earlier this week..

"Why??" you ask....

Because danae and I talked about making this holiday for ourselves - even though I love My family to death - it's simply not the same.. We spent a nice extended weekend with them and got to see My whole family while celebrating a very white Christmas.. It's not that I don't enjoy spending the holidays with My family, I just love the time danae and I spend with each other on Christmas morning with our pussy cats enjoying the cheer, the treats, the gifts, the thoughtfulness and the love.. There's a very profound peace in that..

So - tonight - we're both giddy like little kids sayin' that "Santa will be coming here shortly" - even though he made his official pass around the world 4 days ago.. Tomorrow - we celebrate it for ourselves, to each other and enjoy the holiday as if it were the real deal all the way down to the meal!! (okay - didn't mean to go all "Dr. Seuss" just now...) But what matters to us the most is spending the quality holiday time that escaped us all last week -- and over the day of Christmas itself.. It's not as though anything bad happened -- it just wasn't the same as it is with just the four of us..

For those of you who might be shopping, skiing or watching college football -- just know that there's a couple in Colorado that's celebrating their Christmas twice and loving every minute of it.. The holidays are a very special time to us - and we'd both like to extend our best wishes to our friends and family for a very happy and prosperous New Year..

...and to our very special friends back east who just recently brought a beautiful baby girl into the world today - Congratulations!! Our love is with you both and to your very lovely little girl!!

Merry Christmas everybody!! (honestly - haven't fallen off the rocker...)

What is it with Loreena McKennitt?????

2007-12-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

I swear to God - I have no idea *why* - it just *is*....

But for some unearthly reason, Loreena McKennitt has become the ultimate cat tamer in this family.. I might be a cat whisperer or sorts, but whenever it comes to transporting or driving My pussy cats anywhere -- there is but one melodic solution: Loreena McKennitt.. Since I'm the driver of the family, I can only do so much and can't dedicate the kind of attention to our pussy cats like I would want to..

Some additional background: My boy cat used to like to ride in the car with Me so as long as he could sit right next to Me.. This worked for awhile and then as he grew older, he would panic more and had to be caged.. When I did this -- he'd cry, moan and complain - getting it out of his system before eventually wearing himself out and sleeping the rest of the way to Denver..

My girl cat - she doesn't like the riding experience at all.. In fact, we plan on her getting sick generally within the first 30-45 minutes of our trip.. Nearly like clockwork - she'll get sick.. Can't figure out what to do for her - as we've asked the vet and the motion sickness pills didn't do jack for her.. It's just gotten to be a fact of life whenever we take the kidlets with us anywhere..

But in the middle of their transportation, both cats would continually annoy us with their chorus of meows, yowls, and other assorted "complaining" that they were riding in the car.. Sometimes I believe they are doing their own rendition of "dueling banjos" but that's just an unverifiable assumption.. But in the end, it would create the most incredibly irritating, distracting tendency of theirs.. Now -- I hold no angst against them.. Afterall, they're crated up and merely just voicing their complaints to us..

So - we have sought any number of remedies - ANY remedies.. From the medical to the obscure.. Nothing worked except that we found that Loreena McKennitt is the answer for some mystical, bizarre reason.. And it can't be Enya or some other similar artist.. We've tried Michael Buble', Sarah McLachlan, we've tried other New Age artists, orchestral soundtracks -- you name it.. Even tried talk radio - but you can imagine that if Rush Limbaugh pisses Me off, then you know what it must do to My pussy cats..... (/cheap political stab)

But this afternoon - we're on our way back from Denver.. We had Loreena McKennitt going for awhile and like clockwork, both cats calmed down.. danae opted to put on some Christmas music from our XM radio - and all was good for awhile.. It wasn't really outlandish.. It's traditional and contemporary holiday tunes.. But our girl cat woke up and obviously felt that something was wrong.. There was no Loreena McKennitt playing any longer from our XM radio -- instead being replaced by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra..

A move that would not go un-noticed...

Oh - how I tried to reason with the girl... I would stick My hand in the backseat, through her cage bars, in hopes to try to calm her down.. But the meowing persisted.. The yowling persisted.. And the complaining ... persisted.....

I mentioned to danae: "maybe we should try to play Loreena McKennitt again..."

I kid you not..

It was within a minute....

No..

It was within 30 seconds....

No..

It was within 15 seconds.... that My girl cat all of a sudden relaxed.. She chilled out.. Mellowed to the max.. She was without her meowing daemon - and actually started to have a small look about her that would be consistent with complacency of getting her "Master" to change the channel to a more appropriate genre of her absolute liking....

In other trips, we've gone 250 miles by repeating the SAME damn Loreena McKennitt CD over and over and over again.... So in an effort to study this phenomenon closer, we got other Loreena McKennitt music and again, for the same completely unknown reason: the cats behaved in the very same cooperative, docile manner..

So while the Loreena McKennitt kitty cat whisperer phenomenon continues to mystify us, whatever magic or subliminal messaging that is going on behind the scenes -- the only denominator is that it works.. We may never find out what it is about Loreena's music that calms the domestic wildlife's inner-beast, but we know that it calms them long enough to where we can retain our insanity while they visit their grandparents...

Long life Loreena McKennitt!!!!

Random Thoughts

2007-12-19T22:50:00.000-07:00

God it seems like I've been completely unable to breathe lately...

There have been a steady stream of projects since I last blogged -- which ironically came at a time when I had another small span of air so that I can come update this thing since it has cobwebs and all sorts of dust bunnies..

Such randomness in My head tonight..

HUNTER

I read a profile on a website tonight -- wherein one of their editors was a "Hunter S. Thompson" type.. and for some reason that profile made Me grin.. I didn't get a chance to meet Gonzo face to face, but I did sit in one of his "college tours" which was about as useful as sniffing airplane glue while trying to study Calculus.. He was plastered, wasted in every respect of the world.. The crowd grew restless and finally a voice in the back summed it up for all of us:

"You're one of the worst speakers in the world, but your writing is absolutely fucking brilliant...."

Now I haven't read any of his books - but I have watched the Johnny Depp depiction of the poor guy -- and the incredibly tormented life he chose to live.. While I can't adequately summarize My thoughts about him -- I can say that in just some of the blurbs I've caught of his -- there's a profound ... something ... about him.. An allure - not that I want to 'grow up just like him,' but someone who has plenty to say in the most odd ways imaginable.. He intrigues Me for whatever reason....

In any event - when I saw the profile mimic his style and portrayal -- I had to grin..

WHEN THE HEART STRIKES GOLD, TEARS WILL FALL

Yesterday I was working My ass off -- and listening to a bunch of movie soundtracks for another project I was working on.. Lo and behold - I came across one of My all time favorite songs by Garth Brooks -- To Make You Feel My Love.... Immediately I froze.. Tears started to well up -- and I had to find My girl.. The ballad.. The piano.. The lyrics.. The melody.. The heart and passion.. Some of you will know what I mean..

In the middle of My chaos - life all of a sudden turned exactly 90 degrees perpendicular to the ground.. It's one of those moments where you truly appreciate the world around you.. The love that surrounds you.. And realizing exactly how lucky you are.. It's a song that was always heavy for Me -- because I hadn't found anyone to share it with -- until now.. My girl gets it.. she understands it.. she knows when it hits - it hits hard.. And yesterday was no exception to that..

So it's always important to keep tabs of those songs that tug on the heart in just the right places, in just the right ways.. A friend of Mine added that she tries to avoid the likes of those songs - for the effect it would have.. I understand.. And have lived with the likes of that song for the last several years -- it carries an altogether different meaning than when I would hear it in My solitude.. Back then, it was all about hope -- coming from the movie "Hope Floats.."

Songs have a really affect on Me sometimes - but as danae and others can attest, it's given Me the gift to do what I love to do.. And the closer I embrace that - the closer I feel wonderfully whole and incredibly lucky..

I am very lucky - very much in love - and very thankful for all the gifts in My life.. I love you hon.. I love all of My friends, family, kidlets of the furry four-legged variety..

Tis the season...

The most perfect christmas card....

2007-11-29T23:35:00.000-07:00

I laughed when I saw this one...

Borrowed from this site...

What Holiday are you?

2007-11-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

You Are Valentine's Day

You are a true romantic who places the ultimate importance on love.

You are warm hearted, and you find it easy to care for people.

Love is what drives you - and you have a love to give.

You enjoy making someone's day. You're full of surprises.

What makes you celebrate: Being with the person you love on a special day

At holiday get togethers, you do best as: The sentimental one

On a holiday, you're the one most likely to: See it as romantic and special

What Holiday Are You?

Inside: The BBW

2007-11-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

The Zoftig..

The form of a woman who falls outside of the Barbie-doll norm..

The plump..

The big..

The yummy..

Yes, I do have a thing for the Big Beautiful Women -- and I've always had a thing for them.. I love the curves a BBW possesses.. I love the suppleness, the fullness, and the shapely qualities..

...virtually all of the qualities I admire the most from a BBW turns out to be the ways they despise themselves about their appearance...

*sighs*

And it's not as though I'm without understanding, sympathy and respect for that particular view -- I do understand it.. I understand the image issues, I understand the criticism, the snickers, the jibes, and the eye-rolls.. I understand the perception and I carefully nod that I can conceptually understand how a BBW can feel that way..

I understand, I really do.. I've been there a number of times Myself - personally been on the receiving end of the (visual) "freak" undertones and other verbal swipes when one viciously attacks the soul of another in such a barbaric manner in the name of fun or unconsciously exposing their prejudice and/or mental defect and control in a socialized setting.. One never forgets or forgives that -- but I also look in the mirror and realize it's not going to get better, it's not going to improve and therefore "it is what it is..."

Popular perception can be a very dangerous attribute to cling to.. Popular perception can lead every man, woman and child down the precarious path of being so absorbed in our perceptive reflection -- it can be very damagingly obsessive.. The Cosmopolitan-cover, Barbie-phenomenon continually proves the incessant need to be cognizant of how we project ourselves in the world around us..

That type of approach in life is the single most important reason why I don't enjoy the company of many non-BBW types of the world who become ultra-possessed with their perception and who sees them, rather than being who they are and embracing that aspect in nearly every corner of their being.. And hence -- the reason the major reason why I have come to adore the BBW....

It's all about the 'tude..

BBW's have a wonderful, freeing sense about who they are and where they are in life.. They *KNOW* they are over the Barbie ideal and the have already *ACCEPTED* that fact a long time ago.. And by admitting that releases the pressure that hangs over them and frees the rest of their personality and self-absorption so that they can enjoy life to its fullest.. Screw the diets, screw the size 0 way of thinking, screw Cosmopolitan!!

My love for BBW's and their beauty truly comes from their attitude and desire which ultimately comes flowing out in the way they approach life.. They are radiant.. They glow.. They accept themselves much more readily than anyone else in the spectrum because they know they will never be Barbie -- and more importantly, they don't WANT to ever be like Barbie......

...

A friend of Mine recently applauded the fact that I love BBW's -- only to interject that it would not be acceptable if I merely had a "fat fetish.." After I pried the two-by-four from My forehead in that moment, I remained stunned that there was something inherently wrong for having a "fat fetish" -- given that My friend herself is also a zoftig-type..

Okay - I can dismiss the seemingly conflicting P.O.V. - but the two-by-four moment was being confronted with My desire for BBWs as merely being a "fat fetish" and how that is wrong.. Not that I have a problem identifying or admitting it as such, but it's the "it's wrong" attribute where I found leftover splinters of wood in My skull..

Is it wrong to have a preference??

Don't we already have pre-programmed, built-in preferences for what kind of body type, personality, and age range that we gravitate towards?? Isn't that what all of these match-making websites ask you in terms of: "who do you seek??" Would it be fair for Me to condemn My friend's preferences when she seeks an "athletically built, smart, charismatic 25 year old, 6'3", non-smoker with no kids??" Her loins would instantly get wet over that find -- as much as My cock stirs when I see a BBW who has the self-accepting glow about herself..

When you think about it -- we all gravitate to those personalities that we like.. Most BBWs have a wonderfully glowing personality, but not all of them have that.. Conversely, not every non-BBW has the "I-must-be-a-Barbie" mantra chiming in their head every 15 seconds either.. There are a lot of non-BBW types that have an outstanding personality as well.. In our case, not only was I in love with the pictures of danae, but she has a wonderful personality.. We meshed so well in our likes, dislikes, our politics, our dreams, artistic endeavors and what we wanted in life.. Could I have found a non-BBW with those similar traits?? Of course..

But it's not just the attitude that I like.. I love how certain things look on a BBW.. A maid's outfit, tight clothing and high heels.. I love it all -- even though I'm fully aware that it's probably making some BBWs completely uncomfortable because she's feeling even more exposed, more on display with the high powered lights shining down on her revealing every flaw, every imbalance, every imperfection....

...all the while I sit back in complete awe, turned on to the hilt, thinking: "How in God's green Earth did I ever get so lucky to have such a beautiful sight standing before Me??" And that's how I genuinely feel when danae has on thigh highs and nothing else.. It's how I genuinely feel when she wears her twirly skirt when we go walking into WalMart.. It's how I genuinely feel when I walked into the bathroom just a couple of minutes ago to see her hair bunched up in the back when she was about to brush her teeth..

YES!! I LOVE a BBW in tight spandex; a leotard or unitard!!
YES!! I LOVE how a BBW looks in high heels clacking down a marble floor!!
YES!! I LOVE how a BBW looks posed nude on her side, with one leg extended, the other leg pulled up with her head resting in her hands!!
YES!! I LOVE how a BBW looks dripping water from a fresh shower!!
YES!! I LOVE BBW's in BONDAGE!!

While it's true that My various fetishes of hoods, spankings, spandex, s&m, bondage, and other assorted are generally posed on string-bean models -- if I had the preference, I'd continually choose those BBWs.. That's only because the same problem exists in the lifestyle just like it does in the vanilla world: the majority of kink-related content out there still gravitates to the likes of the Barbie-mindset.. I will say though - that with more independent type people getting out there -- there are more BBW-related content out there in the pron world, a lot more than what what can be found in the checkout stands at WalMart.. A move that I think is awesome!!

So, ultimately - it comes down to My preference and think anyone who would chart My "interests" & significant others throughout the years would find that My preference is for the Zoftig-type woman.. And if that makes Me a fat-fetishist, then I can still live with that..

GET YOUR FREAK ON!!!

2007-11-04T18:03:00.000-07:00

I love Halloween....

Not just because of the candy...

Not just because of scary movies, goblins and candy corn...

Not because I like dressing up (I really don't like that aspect of it)...

Nope..

It's because it's the one time it's socially acceptable for everyone to GET YOUR FREAK ON!!!" and NO ONE stops to think twice about it.. You got your latex nurse, a naughty nun, your witch slut, the can-can dancer with fishnet stockings and high heels galore .... everyone dressed all in the name of a partaking in the annual Gaelic festival..

Okay - just a moment: latex, nylons, high heels, revealing PVC outfits, extreme makeup, colored hair.... MMmmmmmmmms.... ::licks:: Mmmmmmmmmmmms..... Feeding nearly every portion of My fetish cravings - and nearly everyone participates - bringing such happiness to a perv like Me..... ::happy sigh::

Okay.. Where was I....

Oh yeah...

So, as a society - we restrain ourselves for the other 364 days of the year - but for one night, the world around us starts to live rather vicariously and exposing their "inner slut" in the name of fun.. I guess I'm disappointed that our closet sluts only reveal themselves once a year, which means all of those fishnets, high heels and wigs go back into the closet until the next Halloween.. I suppose I should even be grateful that we have even that much..

That's part of the reason why I love Goths so much -- because they have their freak on 24/7 and don't blink twice about it.. You got your piercings, the tatts, the collars, thigh-highs and other revealing wear.. GOTHS RULE!! And unfortunately the Goths are seen as drug-crazed, unbridled, rebels and they are often looked down upon by society..

But why not embrace that "inner-slut" in all of us?? Why can't society let go of their inhibitions and be free to do as they want?? Pat Robertson actually came out and called the holiday a "festival of the Devil" citing that it's not just a costume party, but something much more than that.. Adding that it's "wrong" for Christians to partake in Halloween -- I chuckle to Myself....

So it's better to join the crowd, dress in the proper uniforms, and fall into place -- yet it's not okay to express how you really feel openly without worry or fret.. Again - the Goths have it right because they are unafraid to be a little different and let the rest of the world see that..

I wish we would be a bit more brave in that regard -- having danae wear her collar more, Me wearing My leather vest, dyeing her hair a bright color, etc.. But we don't.. So in that regard, I can accept the criticism that we're not doing "our part" -- mainly because there's always the fear of being outed in one form or another that may have an impact on our way of life.. And maybe that's the problem: we're afraid of losing our non-freak friends, losing our jobs or promotions, even being excommunicated from our families -- all on account of the fact we just want to be "ourselves.."

...maybe that's why Halloween is the one time of the year where you don't have to worry about it.. Maybe all of those latex nurses and naughty nuns out there -- need to be reassured that there's a place in our freakdom.. Because I happen to enjoy their sense of freak and that makes Me smile..

I kinda miss that...

2007-09-08T08:04:00.000-06:00

I've been reading Extreme Owner's blog and references about Thunder.. His words made Me grin - as I could totally relate to those mind-blowing sessions that invoke the deep emotions and question your sense of knowing.. "Thinking about that really opens my eyes. Many times, it's easy to be doing these things without understanding them."

Yep..

Events like Thunder can invigorate one's path to the point of saying: "wow, this is where I fit in.." That was the first year.. Because after having existed in the first 28 some odd years in My life - I truly thought I was alone in what I wanted from the lifestyle.. My invitation from a dear friend to attend Thunder for the first time - was simply overwhelming and wonderful..

And as time went on - I really started to take some of those sessions to heart because they made you think.. It's that sort of "hard thinking" that really stabs you to the core wondering: how is My approach to the lifestyle, am I doing well, etc.. And when you come back home, being left with those thoughts you're left with a certain type of cerebral hangover that causes you to re-examine your place in the world..

Later - when danae and I would start attending Thunder, I found Myself completely exhausted after the weekend.. Not just because of the energy drop and subsequent late hours of play -- but My mind was overloaded and simply drained.. A great deal to think about and the formulate into My sense of being.. A lot of adjustment, a lot of consideration and an even greater amount of conflict..

Just when you think you have the answers - you're given another set of wide range ideals and tangible points to consider.. Unfortunately I allowed such sessions to overwhelm Me to the point where I wanted to just lock Myself in a room for 30 straight days to sort things out.. I found that giving such weight and consideration also made Me indecisive.. I began questioning the very things I wanted mainly because I changed My perspective more about the "us" factor and less about the "Me" factor.. It took some of My mojo from Me as well - the energy that would flow from My confidence and replace it with silence or some other blank stare..

I didn't always find good answers to some of the questions I had - but I discovered that sometimes it's refreshing just to hear what others had to say, nod My head in respect and shuttle along in My little universe.. I've found that's okay too.. I didn't have to always readjust Myself to adhere to someone's way of thinking - but I would be remiss if I didn't listen to what they had to say and consider their words..

Thinking events like Thunder can be very invigorating, exhausting and a bit overwhelming.. I miss that in a way - even though the last time we went - My mind simply wasn't in a place where I could absorb what was happening..

We miss the energy, the comfortable nature of being surrounded by our fellow folk, and the sense of community that transcends to who we are.. We'll attend another Thunder - or some other like-minded show in the future.. You can't get rid of us that easily......

Bondage Questions

2007-09-02T21:42:00.000-06:00

My girl recently answered some bondage questions found here..

What do you get out of bondage?

The restriction.. The limit.. The frustration.. The permanent factor.. The way bondage inhibits, prohibits and asserts a level of submission - a compliance to exist in the world that has definition predicated on the length of chain, the tightness of the rope, and the level that is regulated by Me..

Do you prefer rope or restraints or cuffs?

danae's answer was: "I prefer ropes - Master prefers cuffs and chains. But he does like rope more then he used to! yay for me!" *grins* I am fond of restraints, steel handcuffs aren't necessarily My deal -- because I don't want to harm My property - I just love the look of leather restraints adorned by My girls' wrist or on her ankles.. I'd love to get her a harness sometime that can be worn underneath clothing, but also having the "knowing" factor that it's there.. I do love chain because of the permanency factor I mentioned already.. Rope is nice, but can also give way and become loose.. I don't like slacking rope..

Do you like being poked or prodded or rubbed or licked or penetrated while bound?

Answering it from My POV, I don't poke, prod or tickle when danae is bound.. I'd lick, rub or penetrate as long as the build-up to that point was well established.. It has to happen in a particular order so it doesn't become a panic situation for her..

How do you feel while bound? Safe, scared, aroused, thrilled, excited, or all of the above.

Hard to answer from My perspective.. I want danae to be safe and aroused if not already thrilled or excited.. I don't think I would want her to feel scared - but I imagine that there could be a scene that would appeal if she were fearful for what was going to happen..

Have you every tied yourself up and masturbated?

I have - a long time ago.. I'm not sure danae would get much out of it if she did tie herself up and then masturbated; however, I do know that I would be very aroused if she did self-tie and masturbated.. In My mind, it would solidify that much more that not only does she enjoy bondage - but will seek it out as often as she could.. But I also know that she loves the interaction involved between Dominant and submissive in that moment..

If you don’t like bondage why?

Um - no - I don't like bondage...... *laughs*

A 1960's Anti-Porn PSA....

2007-07-23T10:15:00.000-06:00

Oh dear lord...

What we don't say...

2007-07-22T17:57:00.000-06:00

A friend of ours recently hypothesized several reasons why she doesn't come out and open with her blogging out for the world to dissect and otherwise scrutinize.. A chord struck with Me as I have also been "holding back" thoughts, opinions and other things because I've rationalized that the issue would've been liberating to articulate via the keyboard - it's not necessarily ideal to share these things out for everyone..

Ultimately it would become harmful and a detriment to the Path we're both on..

So while I remain embattled with My conflicts and other issues - I've chosen the path of silence in hopes to resolve these things without the possibility of bringing them to the public spotlight.. To preserve My sanity - I've penned a private journal for the sake of extrapolating those thoughts in some other form so that I could come back and review them for a later date.. Unfortunately I just don't see a time when those posts will make it to the forefront for you to see..

Nevertheless - let's take a nice healthy dose of reality to open our eyes to the concept that all Dominants are human, more than capable of making mistake upon mistake, ultimate leading to one's uncertainty -- doubting every nook and cranny, scrutinizing every word to feel the nuance to ensure one doesn't misinterpret..

Good Dominants make mistakes, can admit them, can learn from them, can seek improvement in those areas so that they can be mitigated the next time that issue comes around.. It's not easy.. It doesn't always happen according to plan.. But when you have good intentions, a careful thoughtful process to help guide the path you're on -- then that's the most anyone can seriously, honestly, ask for..

It doesn't stop there though..

Slaves and submissives are human as well and yet - if I continue that train of thought, then that's likely to lead to a relationship meltdown.. Because in the realm of possibilities out there - highlighting the faults of another through this medium can have serious repercussions to the health of the relationship.. So at best all I can really do is sit idly by and hope the storms pass, but it takes a great deal of faith to believe that this kind of decision is the right one..

The Twins are in Trouble

2007-07-21T19:12:00.001-06:00

I like Space..

Always have..

Even to the point of majoring in Astronomy with "high hopes" of doing something with a space agency.. But, math would not be so kind to me and I had to suspend that direction in order to pursue other ventures..

So why the sudden entry on Space??

It seems so random, so odd, so ... (insert proper adjective of your choice)

I'm blogging it because I've been secretly rooting for the twin rovers on Mars -- Spirit and Opportunity.. Two little robots that not only defied the odds, but have done the unthinkable: they remained alive long after their 3 month warranty expired 3 years ago......

I've logged into Nasa's site, checking on their status from time to time -- only to find today that their mission may be coming close to an end..

There's a small sense of irony in that sentence because tonight danae and I watched Galileo 5, from the second season of the West Wing -- which chronicled a space mission to Mars that came to an abrupt end when there was no other signal received from the space craft which was designed to impact the surface of Mars to detect water.. That episode mirrored a real-life situation where the Beagle 2 failed to make contact with the Mars Odyssey on December 25th, 2003.. They don't know what happened to it.. In February 2004 -- the Beagle 2 was deemed lost.. But the Beagle (along with 37 other attempts to the red planet) paved the way for Spirit and Opportunity..

But as I type this, the twins are in trouble..

A month-long storm has been brewing on Mars that might bring the mission of one or both of the Mars rovers to an end.. Opportunity faces a much greater danger because of its location and current battery supply.. Spirit is in danger, but it's location seems to be better suited for the upcoming storm..

The problem is: the storms on Mars last for days, weeks and sometimes months.. And the rovers need to utilize their warming packs so that the mechanical devices don't freeze.. So even by telling Opportunity to go into "sleep mode" where it'll conserve its energy, simply won't be enough unless it can see the sun -- something that is not likely going to happen over the next several weeks when these storms blot out 85-90 percent of the sun's rays..

This could be the end of Opportunity and Spirit -- and that actually makes the inner kid in Me pretty sad tonight.. I know they are just robots and that they have lived far beyond anyone's expectations -- and despite the inevitableness that "all things die" -- I'm still sad..

We might not know for several months what happened - but there's at least one Space nut that is rooting for the twins on the desolate, lonely planet..

I've been Blog-tagged and so can you!!

2007-06-23T19:09:00.000-06:00

These are the rules: Answer the four questions in your blog.

At the end, choose 4 of your friends to tag and write their names at the bottom.

Let them know they've been tagged in the comments section of their page and send them to your blog.

~No tag backs allowed

#1~~ List 5 things in your bedroom:

-A high rise bed
-Various whips, crops, floggers and hoods
-My photography
-A ceiling Fan
-A old-west-style armoire

#2~~List 4 things you like about yourself:

-My passion for photography and video
-The fact that I've reached a place of calm in My life
-The fact I've embraced the lifestyle when I did
-I got game

#3~~List 3 of your favorite past times:

-Racquetball
-Spending hours behind a piano daydreaming to music
-Being the head of the movie committee where I went to school

#4~~Name seven deadly sins**these aren't the famous sins just your own

-Dishonesty
-Lack of integrity
-Being a defeatist
-Succumbing to someone who says "no, it can't be done"
-Blindly following those who you know have done wrong
-Greed without seeing the big picture
-Not making every possible attempt at life as often as one can do.... Sometimes we all need the swift kick in our asses to see that life isn't always about the 9 to 5...

My 4 Tags are:

Danaewhispering, gingerstarr, Shylah & lilliebrat .... and anyone else who thinks the questions to be a little thought provoking... :)

Much ado...

2007-06-23T00:07:00.001-06:00

It's been forever and a day since I've posted..

Lots of reasons why I haven't - but I won't get into that here because a.) it's late, b.) I'm tired, c.) My mind isn't ready to process the words to articulate all of the reasons, d.) I'm not even sure I'm going to blog about them anyway... (haven't made up My mind...) But My girl posted her list of the 100 Best movies and I thought I should follow suit:

The ranking is not mine - but of the AFI.. Instead of bolding, unbolding, I'm simply going to do a "N" = No, I haven't seen it or "Y" = Yes I have.. (with appropriate comments in the parenthesis)

1. Citizen Kane - N
2. The Godfather - Y (one of My faves)
3. Casablanca - Y (very good)
4. Raging Bull - N
5. Singin In The Rain - Y
6. Gone With The Wind - Y
7. Lawrence of Arabia - N
8. Schindler's List - Y (Yes, very moving)
9. Vertigo - N (saw part of it when I was young, always thought to revisit it someday)
10. The Wizard of Oz - Y
11. City Lights - N
12. The Searchers - Y (I think I have)
13. Star Wars - Y!!
14. Psycho - Y
15. 2001: A Space Odyssey - Y (I've seen it in parts probably enough to make sense of the movie...)
16. Sunset Blvd. - N
17. The Graduate - N
18. The General - N
19. On The Waterfront - N
20. It's A Wonderful Life - Y
21. Chinatown - Y
22. Some Like It Hot -N
23. The Grapes of Wrath - N
24. E.T., The Extra-Terrestrial - Y
25. To Kill A Mockingbird - Y
26. Mr. Smith Goes To Washington - N
27. High Noon - Y
28. All About Eve - N
29. Double Indemnity - N
30. Apocalypse Now - Y
31. The Maltese Falcon - Y
32. The Godfather, Part II - Y
33. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest - Y (partially again)
34. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs - Y
35. Annie Hall -N
36. The Bridge on the River Kwai - Y
37. The Best Years of Our Lives - N
38. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre - N
39. Dr. Strangelove - N
40. The Sound of Music - Y
41. King Kong (1933) - Y
42. Bonnie and Clyde - Y
43. Midnight Cowboy - Y (I think)
44. The Philadelphia Story - N
45. Shane - Y
46. It Happened One Night - N
47. A Streetcar Named Desire - N
48. Rear Window - Y
49. Intolerance - N
50. Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring - Y
51. West Side Story - Y (one of My favorite musicals)
52. Taxi Driver - N
53. The Deer Hunter - Y
54. M*A*S*H - Y
55. North by Northwest - Y (recently bought this -- one of our favorites!)
56. Jaws - Y
57. Rocky - Y
58. The Gold Rush - N
59. Nashville - N
60. Duck Soup - Y
61. Sullivan's Travels - N
62. American Graffiti - Y
63. Cabaret - N
64. Network - Y
65. The African Queen - N
66. Raiders of the Lost Ark - Y
67. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? - N
68. Unforgiven - Y
69. Tootsie - Y
70. A Clockwork Orange - Y
71. Saving Private Ryan - Y
72. The Shawshank Redemption - Y
73. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid - Y
74. The Silence of the Lambs - Y
75. In The Heat of the Night - Y
76. Forrest Gump - Y
77. All The President's Men - Y
78. Modern Times - N
79. The Wild Bunch - Y
80. The Apartment - N
81. Spartacus - Y
82. Sunrise - N
83. Titanic - Y
84. Easy Rider - Y (partially)
85. A Night At The Opera - N
86. Platoon - Y
87. 12 Angry Men - Y
88. Bringing Up Baby - N
89. The Sixth Sense - N
90. Swing Time - N
91. Sophie's Choice - N
92. Goodfellas - Y
93. The French Connection - Not yet - currently in My living room via netflix :)
94. Pulp Fiction - Y
95. The Last Picture Show - N
96. Do The Right Thing - Y
97. Blade Runner - Y
98. Yankee Doodle Dandy - N
99. Toy Story - Y
100. Ben Hur - Y (partially)

39 = N
61 = Y (including the partially ones)

Where is it that you've gone??

2007-05-06T21:30:00.000-06:00

I can't seem to find a groove for Me to update this thing on a more regular basis..

Things happen, thoughts come and go.. And when I think I have more to offer here - well, the timing is never right.. In fact, there are a lot of things I've had to contemplate, a lot of decisions that had to be made, and yes I don't think I'm able to effectively articulate it all..

But most recently - a rather solemn anniversary passed.. A time for a dear friend of Mine passed away tragically and needlessly.. It also marked an anniversary for Me in ways that I couldn't fathom.. The events in April will always be significant to us both..

It's been a year later..

In many ways it seems longer.. In other ways it seems like a few months..

But for us - it has been a year of change.. A year of growth and a year of adjustment.. Most of those changes have gone by really well.. Others have been a bit of a struggle - but a year later - I can honestly say that I'm happier than I have been in over a decade.. I feel closer to who I am supposed to be - and closer to danae..

And even though the path may not be filled with beautiful sunrises to bless our day - we are together - regardless if it's a cloudy day, a rainy one, or if it's snow and cold.. I've learned to appreciate the finer points of each day..

So that's the lesson of the day: live today like it was your last.. I don't mean we should be foolishly drunk and do anything we want.. We should be able though to have a greater personal sense of the world around us.. That's something that cannot be re-created or re-visited.. And that's the precious thing about sunsets, cloudy snuggle napping days and holding hands with the one you love..

It's taking those precious moments and enjoying them every single time..

And that's what it's been like for the past year..

I treasure each time I can have with danae.. I value the company of My pussy cats.. And I feel blessed with the opportunities that have afforded Me.. I'm glad I made the decision I did - because it has allowed Me to see life as it was supposed to be..

What's in a name, really....

2007-04-24T19:07:00.000-06:00

My girl and I have had this talk before ...

... about the whole "Lord" Spooner phenomenon and what it actually means ...

And whenever we revisit it -- I keep telling her the same thing: it's My nickname.. Nothing more.. Nothing less.. The history goes a lot further back, but basically when I entered the lifestyle community fresh and fancy free -- a noob -- yep..

I admit it..

But seriously now.. What's in a name??

Now I'm fully aware that there are some that really feel important enough to be called "Master, Sir, Mistress, Ma'am" by every one who thinks the lifestyle is constructed solely for their domain.. To those that feel like I need to call you by your self-imposed honorific, alas, I wouldn't really get your hopes up..

And while that may come across as being completely disrespectful -- I can assure you, it's not.. I've come to know a few people in the lifestyle - and each of them carries themselves in a way that invokes the natural honorific.. Making demand of it - merely highlights one's insecurities..

Thankfully I have none..

Yes, My email is lordspooner, my nickname is lordspooner, but My name is Michael..

Now I will admit - early on - yes, it's always a rush to be called "Sir," "LordSpooner" et. al.. There's a natural ego rush with that ... until I realized that I'm really over the dominion of who I own.. My cats, danae and My kingdom of a household.. That's plenty..

And I don't really need to be "reminded" of it -- because I *live* it everyday I wake up.. I don't need to be reminded of something I already am..

Eh - what's in a name really??

Thank you!

2007-04-20T23:26:00.000-06:00

swan words: "danae is a calm and steady voice in the sometimes overheated blogging world. So often, I find myself nodding when she writes about the everydayness of service and slavery. Although our backgrounds and paths are quite dissimilar, our understandings quite often fall into sync. When I am most shaken by the chatter of many many "me too" voices, I find this blog a haven of reasonableness and mature thought.

Lord Spooner (danae's Master) writes a sometimes infrequent but deeply thoughtful and often challenging blog that represents one of the very few intelligent and informed outlets for Dominant voices that I have found."

We would like to thank swan over at The Heron Clan for the Thinking Blog award! She was very kind and generous with her words and the thought to give us the award. The Heron Clan blog is always one we tend to count on our must reads. It is a thinking blog also that evokes emotions and contemplation. Swan's words capture slavery in its varying degrees and we find a voice of like that often has us nodding with recognition from each side of the coin. We happy to encounter such a wonderful spirit through this realm! Thank you Swan for giving us the award!

~ Michael & danae

(With the award we are suppose to give it to 5 people who are Thinking Blogs....well there are too many to chose from but we did want to thank swan for her kind words! Thank you to the many blogs out there like The Heron Clan that constantly give us food for thought. It's blogs like these that intelligently bring emotions up while sharing their journey with the rest of us can relate to on a personal and intellectual manner. Thank you!)

Which Star Wars character are you?

2007-04-17T23:13:00.000-06:00

I think I shall be offended... lol

To the Delight of My senses....

2007-04-16T21:37:00.000-06:00

So life has been a bit chaotic lately.. So much so, that last week just came and went like a train wreck.. I eventually escaped from My endeavors over in Denver and made haste for home.. Now - for those that don't know, the trek takes awhile.. It can sometimes be soothing, it can seem like it's dragging on forever.. On this day, I was particularly excited just to be out of the 303 area code..

Beautiful weather, got the tunes going, got My soda, got My water - and I'm just purrin' down the highway..

It's been a tough week on danae..

From migraines to other aches and pains, I decided that it was not in her best interests to accompany Me to Denver.. she really took that news hard.. That and she's on the verge of PMS, which means her mood has been a bit cattywhompus.. she missed Me a lot.. I missed her.. While My project took My mind away from missing her, she was left here at home with the pussy cats..

So - I'm tired, drained and otherwise just not with the rest of the populace and I called her from My cellphone when I got close to home:

"Hi hon, how are you doing?" I asked..

"Good. Where are you at?" she replied

Now at this point of the conversation I usually give My customary witty response that I was in the car, a no brainer-"duh" moment, but I told her that I was heading home.. she then asked how close I was and I then asked:

"How close do you think I am??"

"I don't know, you usually call when you're really close.."

"Then I must be pretty close." I retorted..

Because I was tired and devoid of energy I then stated:

"I'm going to need your help unloading the car.." To wit she replied:

"Okay, I'll get some clothes on.."

"I'll get some clothes on.." I repeated in My head.. "she has no clothes on??" Now - danae usually doesn't go au naturale around the homestead because I like the temperature 7-10 degrees cooler than makes her comfortable..

"How are you dressed honey??" I then asked..

"I'm naked.." she replied..

"Uh huh.. she's naked.." I thought to Myself..

"I'm sorry hon, but I do need your help unloading the car.. Sorry.."

"That's okay - I'll put on some clothes and I'll be waiting for you.."

We hang up and My mind ponders that for a second and dismisses it from the memory.. The tasks of the last several days took its toll on Me..

I pull in front of the house and go to back-in (like I normally do) and I notice something different about danae.. Blue eye shadow... A big wide smile crosses My face because it's been quite awhile since danae put slutty blue eye shadow on.. I then begin to figure that this was why she was naked.. But then I notice something else in My rear view mirror..

she's wearing long pants and a long sleeved shirt -- which was innocuous and fine, but now she had on cuffs on her ankles.. I quickly scanned her other limbs and found that they had the same pretty purple cuffs on them.. "she's wearing CUFFS in PUBLIC!!!" I said to Myself!

The smile just got wider..

danae isn't much of an exhibitionist.. Nor does she enjoy flaunting the lifestyle and its trinkets for the world to see.. So - for her to do this, well... Would take a little bit of doing...

I put the car in park and I go: "Oh, now I understand why you were naked when I called!" We hugged and kissed then proceeded to unload the car and get everything inside the house.. Now.. I've been horny for the last several days - and so the thought of My girl naked, with cuffs on, with slutty blue eye shadow -- well, about did Me in....

We nearly immediately sailed for the bedroom - and we began talking about things and I told her that in My long drive home I had visions of her hooded, in the backend of the car, naked, with the hitachi plugged in and doing cascades of orgasms with each mile of pavement...... :)

she then said: "gas mask??" To wit - we set our little interlude in motion!! she also reminded Me that we have yet to take pictures of the mask in question.. No problem.. I rush out to the living room and unpack My camera and retreat back to the bedroom.. she pulls the mask on without much ado.. "snap snap snap" Okay - on the bed!!

*laughs*

We had the hitachi going, masturbating, sadism, breath play.. You name it....

In the end - we were both exhausted.. Okay - I was already exhausted and the experience nearly left Me comatose.. Okay - that's an exaggeration, but you get the point.. ;)

So - what a wonderful delight to come home to.. Of course I then uttered that perhaps I need to leave town more often and the response was a pretty substantial resounding no..

Sex, kink, love and affection..

What more could you want from a Sunday afternoon??

Sunday Conversation: wants

2007-03-24T09:48:00.000-06:00

Last weekend My girl and I sat in bed talking..

But it's not one of those discussions where you just sit and make idle chit-chat.. Nope.. No way.. In fact, we had a reading assignment - an idea that My girl thought of that may hopefully un-clog the log jam that we've been in..

And I'm going to segue a little bit here: the topic was good, but outside of the topic, we were engaging one another and it was really awesome.. It was insightful, it was informative and we had a good discussion that didn't go straight towards the "oh, I agree with you" and that would be the end of it..

Nope..

It went further and deeper into the reasons and rationale behind the relationship.. Think of it like checking the fluids and kicking the tires to make sure you're set for the next 3k tune-up.. That's how it felt when it was said and done.. My only regret is that we couldn't lie in bed afterwards and cuddle - because of current events around here, time was really difficult to set aside for the conversation - and there was a lot of things to do.. But cuddling would've been nice.. It would've made for a nice complete circle to the conversation..

We're hoping to turn this into a weekly event.. So the difficulty has been to find in-depth topics that can spurn other discussions.. Fortunately, something that was mentioned during last week's talk help facilitate the discussion topic for this week of how to define the wants of a slave..

Almost immediately I hear the deflating of the dominant balloon because as I researched the issue online last night - I came across some rather fodderistic "slave wants" out there like: "a slave wants to please her master in every way possible" or "the slave wants are whatever the master wants" or My personal favorite: "a slave is unable to have wants because that would not make them a slave...."

Okay - I shouldn't take great pleasure from one's rather limited scope to understanding the dynamics of an integrated lifestyle relationship compounded by the complexity of social mores and the reality of day to day life.. No.. I totally understand the limited scope of "just do it" and be done with it approach, but unfortunately it's a little bit more involved than that for danae and Myself.. Our programmed wiring goes a bit differently because we have processes that help guide us in our understanding, incorporating and implementation within our structure.. It's because we have feelings, we have wants, we have desires, and we have fantasies that transcend us to a different level of figuring out the best possible formula to achieve satisfaction from all fronts considered.. Unfortunately the formula doesn't always sync up like we always want and sometimes they can even cause more disruption to the overall health of the relationship because of the "just do it" mentality..

Going back to the car analogy: you can't simply pound the engine with a hammer and fully expect that to solve it.. Sometimes you need to orchestrate finesse, sometimes you need to exercise caution, and follow the guise of the intellectual approach of investigating the problem so that the solution is much more clear.. Pounding it with a hammer sometimes yields results, othertimes it also yields a broken distributor cap..

That's why it's realistic to have the discussion in the first place..

It's one of those things I've subscribed that has to be done in order to have a long-sustaining relationship.. True - it's not meant for everyone and I fully endorse that there are different relationships with different methods.. But this works for us - and it's going to make us stronger in the end..

Inside: Punching - Face Slapping

2007-03-06T19:21:00.000-07:00

[preamble: There's no direction with this particular post -- so it's not a response to any one person as much as it's a response to anyone that ponders the concept of punching and face slapping as it applies to a consensual bdsm, D/s, M/s relationship..]

I realize that this is a particularly unpopular topic for some.. While I'm not directing this post as a defense, but more or less offer another voice in what goes through My mind - and how I approach punching and face slapping.. I'm also not advocating these activities for anyone who does not want to participate in them -- obviously limits are limits and they should be respected..

The Stereotype

I think whenever any of us hear about punching or face slapping - we conjure up images of something we have witnessed: a horrific reenactment of a spousal abuse situation, a movie depicting an overbearing male and a scared, frightened female who seemingly doesn't know where to run.. These are little bits of programming that we all have received growing up: "don't hit your neighbor.." "Striking someone is a bad thing.."

As with most stereotypes, much depends on your perspective.. At least two sides to everything and in some cases - an ever present gray area.. But when the topic of face slapping or punching is introduced - the lines are almost immediately drawn: you either accept it/enjoy it, or you don't.. Very little wiggle room in that issue..

Sadistic Journey

I first confronted My sadistic side over 5 years ago.. I was at a place in My Journey that I found it very hard to inflict pain onto another.. I was fighting over 30 years of programming, morality, and whatever social cooth was at that time.. I was scared when My friend wanted Me to inflict pain onto her.. It was agreed upon - completely consensual - and there were definite parameters (mostly for Myself as I was so incredibly afraid and weary..) I found Myself confronted with over 30 years of defiance culminating into one single moment..

The sadistic moment involved nipple play..

I was tweaking her nipple - and as I inflicted more pain, harder, more intense - I could see her face, her brow reactting to the pain - a look I'll never forget: a pleading look - I could see fear.. I would gently ask if she was okay, she would nod and ask for more, more pain, harder.. As I increased the pain, making her writhe even more - I found something deep within stirring.. A passion unlike anything I had known or realized..

I had touched My inner sadism..

The result of that experience touched Me very deeply and affected My Journey in ways I didn't fully realize until much later.. It became a very personal experience to Me - because of where My mind goes.. It's a very deep connection I make that person...

... I become very close to where they are physically, emotionally, mentally...

... I understand how much something hurts ...

... how much something feels good based on their body ...

... their accelerated breathing ...

... their everchanging facial expressions ...

... their straining muscles ...

... their clenched fingers ...

... their legs shuddering ...

... and even their toes extending to the ceiling ...

I feel drawn into the experience.. Not just stroking My sadistic beast, but by feeling the waves crashing inside her..

While some have experienced Dominants who have a hard-on while they engage in S&M, I get turned on, even though I may not be erect.. Someone once told Me that My erection during S&M play was their "payoff" for a job well done.. I don't always get a hard on - but that does not mean I am not aroused by what I'm doing.. I believe this is due to Me being so focused on what I'm doing..

It's something I like to think of as "controlled sadism.."

That's taking a sadistic act and being totally in control - knowing where those parameters and limits at all times.. This means that I can get a good idea based on her reactions of where she's at.. If she's really hating something - I should know that.. It's My job to know that.. If I don't know where she's at - then I'm not being a good Master to her..

So what's the appeal of body (and face) punching??

I realize everyone else's mileage will vary on this answer - but it goes back to the connection that is established when danae play on that level.. I have not hit danae as hard as I can - for I know if I did that there would be serious harm.. This is where "controlled sadism" comes back into the picture.. I focus on the areas I want to strike, I control the level in which I strike, and the frequency I strike.. There's a precision - much like how an experienced Dominant can make a single tail sing and dance.. The only difference is that I'm using My fists - and I'm able to get much more control and precision than a 4 foot whip..

So what's the appeal of face slapping??

I find that a lot of people do not like people messing around with their head or face region.. While one of the more prominent reasons does point to abuse in a previous relationship -- it may not necessarily be the only reason why people don't like it..

Again, while I can't speculate for everyone, consider how often our faces (our head) have ever been touched by someone else?? It's not a frequent experience and when it happens it's usually gentle (I'm not counting hair-pulling..) So maybe we're more naturally defensive when that bubble is violated - or violated in such a harsh, violent manner that causes us to have concerns..

Another reason I have heard stems from the argument that "people will notice if I have a black eye or split lip.." True.. But unless you're a model - can't anyone explain something like this away?? "I smacked myself with the pantry door -- stupid me..." "I got hit with a football...." (Just like Marcia did in the Brady Bunch!) People may raise an eyebrow or be concerned if danae was withdrawn, or less than her normal self.. Generally speaking, abused people usually clam up, don't speak, become anti-social, and don't want to have anything to do with anyone.. Vanilla people, friends, neighbors will pick up on behaviors and sense if anything is wrong.. Some will actually come right out and ask if anything is wrong..

Another reason is "it's a sign of abuse.." If you enjoy being whipped, or flogged to the point of bleeding - explain the difference in *appearances* why a good flogging or single tail session does not qualify under the guise of what abuse is?? Is it because you can cover up your back with a shirt or wear a long skirt for a few days as your wounds heal??

There's a mental appeal to Me -- specifically how it applies to how danae responds.. I do enjoy the fear.. I do enjoy the cringing.. I do enjoy the stifled quick breaths.. I enjoy the quaking skin.. It's an edge.. It's a controlled edge..

Ultimately

As with any activity - it ultimately comes down to one's personal tastes and likes.. Neither danae and I consider either activity as being abusive.. It's something we enjoy doing and something we'll continue to do..

If we weren't enjoying the activity wouldn't it stand to reason that we would discontinue it??

What the hell....

2007-03-04T22:56:00.000-07:00

We are all independent thinkers..

We make choices and decisions that -- well -- sometimes aren't the greatest..

But there are times that someone's decision just goes beyond comprehension.. That happened tonight.. Now I'm not going to get into specifics, but it's one of those decisions that runs against the grain of rationality..

On the one hand, I respect the fact they were honest and open about it..

On the other hand, I can't really condone the decision because it cuts against many levels and scales of morality.. As a friend, I suppose I'm expected to be supportive and understanding.. But how far does that go really?? Not that My counsel was asked for or even offered..

It's the quandry I put Myself in - questioning a lot of things at the moment, but above all else, I'm left uncertain to what degree do I proceed from here.. Clearly I don't agree with the choice, but a friend doesn't condemn another friend on the basis of the good or poor decisions they make.. Friends stand by their friends, even in disagreement and in perilous decisions like the one Mine made tonight..

Yet, I still sad..

I don't like these situations - but what can you do??

Inside - Bondage

2007-02-25T22:51:00.000-07:00

Tight..

Relentless..

Permanent..

Just a few visions of what I like in bondage..

There's also the artistry - the creative beauty of colorful rope draped ornately in layers on a naked or clothed submissive.. Layered, knotted and otherwise adorned like a rope dress - except bound.. Even though rope bondage is not necessarily My favorite - it's still very pretty to watch assemble, even if I get frustrated with loose ropes or when it slips off.. *ughs*

I do have a thing for leather bonds, chain and steel.. Padlocks separated by links of steel - all restricting movement in a matter of feet or inches.. Chain links that don't slip and come undone like rope does, even though there's more personality and connectivity with each strand wrapped around the torso, the wrist or the ankle..

With chain - there's a degree of permanency that I like.. It doesn't come off until I say so.. I like that.. If I had My way - there would be some form of bondage virtually all the time.. Even just the appearance of cuffs on her wrist - is enough for Me to conjure the fodder to follow.. It doesn't always require much - sometimes, just enough.. :)

There's the hobble - the constriction of movement - the limited use of limbs at a designated length by design.. The shuffling of feet - at perfect increments, the extension of arms limited by the tug, the pull, the frustration.. Yes, there's an inner sadistic streak to find one having diffculty moving like so - but like I said, I like it..

Harnesses don't always grab My taste - but over tight spandex clothing (ala Imp of Satin and Gord) and all I can say is "delish!" *grins* This can include pony girls - but that'll have to be for another Inside.. Harnesses, with so many different hoops and dangles - multiple opportunities to restrain someone to virtually anything..

Mix in the odd leather binder and straitjacket - and you have removed her ability to use her arms.. The binder, of course, exposes her breasts for My use and enjoyment.. Unable to conceal herself, her girls will proudly be on display for My pleasure.. The straitjacket - a much more permanent adornment.. But in addition to the stereotypical jackets, many leather enthusiasts have enjoyed making variations of the theme.. The newer lifestyle variations don't have individual sleeves, but coverings that are secured using straps and buckles.. (delicious thoughts ensue)

Straps and buckles..

Locks and steel..

Mmmmm's - with permamency.. And that brings Me to another fodderistic thought after another.. Extended play.. Even if there's no real worry or fear of escape - there doesn't need to be one..

The visual of it..

The mental envelope..

Taking bondage and making it last.. Keeping that visual going for a long time.. Longer than a scene.. Longer than the enjoyment through sex.. For example: locking a ankle cuff, secured by chain, locked to the bed.. One of My favorite visions and thoughts.. Although sometimes impractical - a fodderistic exploration nonetheless.. But sometimes even just knowing what others don't is also very appealing as well..

Keeping her in bondage for the evening - say up until and possibily including overnight or maybe even for the weekend.. Yes, yes yes -- it could be impractical -- but that doesn't really matter in My mind.. Cuffs can be removed for shower and some other purposes..

But even in public - folks shouldn't be too entirely discouraged from continuing to play.. Now hold on a second if you're recoiling in fear just now.. I'm not proposing that we should be able to effectively are adjustments that can be made - even in public.. Maybe not the elaborate shibari rope harness or the arm sleeve walking through WalMart, but even through a small linked chain of the wrists can be easily concealed so that it doesn't impose upon our vanilla counterparts..

Yes, it's mental..

Yes, it's physical..

Even when there's no threat that someone is going to "book and run," the fodderistic adventure doesn't need an unwilling captive - when you have a willing one that enjoys adventure right along side you.. :)

There and Back Again...

2007-02-19T11:14:00.000-07:00

...(with apologies to Tolkien)...

Back home - what a wonderful feeling it is..

Had a good, but very draining weekend in Denver.. Body reacts to stress in a way that makes us feel like we've been hit by a train.. But being home, enjoying the morning coffee while assessing the "to-do" list is much preferable than living out of a suitcase, feeling condensed and otherwise stretched out thin.. (not sure that sentence makes sense, but at this juncture - it's all the mind can conjure..)

The weekend went as well as I thought it would.. Got some good footage of the project I'll be working on down the road and it was improvisational somewhat.. I got a taste for what some of these shoots would be like in the "real world environment" so it's always good experience..

The folks - disappointed that they were left out this trip.. A rant to be saved for later I'm sure.. It's disappointing though - because they see us more than they see My other siblings - and yet we get the guilt gauntlet.. But - tongue in cheek - try not to let it bother us - let it roll off - let it be.. Still, it's frustrating and they see the picture that is in front of them - not necessarily the picture that hangs above and around them.... (talking in riddles this morning - disavow and move on if you're totally bored yet..)

I'm meaning to try to get caught up on a number of posts I've had in draft status.. Including another Inside addition about Bondage.. I hope things calm down somewhat to where I can get that finished off and uploaded.. In the meanwhile, you get the lifeupdate and other meandering thoughts.. A trend I hope ends soon! :)

Here - I think so, not sure..

2007-02-14T21:41:00.000-07:00

So much, so little time..

It's been a very busy few weeks around here and this was known over the last month or so, but I'm just grateful that I'm turning a corner and hopefully that will mean things will stabilize somewhat.. As danae indicated in her blog, we've had some more bad news of late.. It seems like each time we've turned around something else happens..

I'm sure I have a lot more to blog about - but right now My brain is not capable of handling it.. Perhaps in the coming days as I can untangle some of My thoughts - I'll be able to get it down from fingers to keyboard..

What flavor am I??

2007-02-09T17:43:00.001-07:00

Cor blimey, I taste like Tea.

I am a subtle flavour, quiet and polite, gentle, almost ambient. My presence in crowds will often go unnoticed. Best not to spill me on your clothes though, I can leave a nasty stain. What Flavour Are You?

The Interview

2007-02-09T17:07:00.000-07:00

A list of provactive questions from Strangedoll..

1. when did you first realize you wanted to be in an M/s relationship?

Like a lot of folks that start in the lifestyle, I repressed the urge to explore the lifestyle full time until I was in My late 20's.. My first desires for the lifestyle can be tracked to as early as My 13th birthday -- when I had very kinky perverse aroused dreams.. But I always thought: "it's bad to have such thoughts, you need to repress them.." I tried.. I failed.. I tried going 'nilla, but once I got a taste of it - there there simply wasn't any going back.. I knew I was cutting across all of the social ethos and other morality issues, but it wasn't until My divorce did I really say to Myself: "okay, you're going to do this" that I started approaching the M/s lifestyle seriously.. That was a little over 8 years ago now and I haven't looked back since..

2. what is your favorite photograph that you took? (link please!)

This is the impossible of possibles.. Holy heck.. danae has a collection of My photography on our website that I really like.. I love the cabin picture, the nighttime extended exposure shots, the flowing waterfalls and the black and white contrasting photography of things gone old.. Bottom line - I don't think I can pick just one, because they are all apart of Me in one form or another..

3. what songs make you feel really vulnerable?

Very good question.. Being a musician, a song-writer, and lover of powerful movements - I have to admit that the one song or rather - premise of the theme, if you will -- would be the chorus to the movie Schindler's List by Itzhak Perlman.. Very very moving, agonizing with each draw across the bow, yet remorseful.. Like the darkness after a pale sunset.. When I'm in My "mode", I can interpret, feel, and otherwise dream within the notes and let the sounds, harmonies, and chords surround Me.. Just like in Phantom of the Opera - where even in the lyrics of My favorite song -- can one truly understand My passion for music:

Softly, deftly, music shall surround you
Feel it, hear it closing in around you
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight
The darkness of the music of the night

4. why do you love danae so much?

"oh let'ye count thy ways..." danae is incredible.. she's very beautiful, smart, passionate, gifted, talented, dedicated and compassionate in every facet of her being.. We have many of the same beliefs, we desire the same things, we love one another in ways that transcend layers.. she's articulate, artistic, kinky (verrrrrrry kinky), and she's Mine.. :)

5. what are you most excited about in the next year?

Actually - this is going to sound really corny.. I am most excited about waking up every single day - enjoying what I'm doing and loving every minute of it.. I love waking up and spending most every minute of My day with danae even though I might be busy working on this that, or the other.. So what am I most excited about this next year?? To keep doing what I'm doing, hopefully take some time in the near future to take us down to Santa Fe, NM and keep on doing the things I love..

4 years ago...

2007-02-01T00:05:00.000-07:00

In the heart of downtown Denver, on the corner of Broadway and Bayaud, in the heart of the "red-light" district of South Broadway an event happened on the northside sidewalk.. Two people stood facing one another.. The male pulled out a indeterminate length of chain while the female's eyes grew wide.. He carefully brought the chain up around the circumference of her neck and he produced a solid brass colored lock.. She managed to pull her hair away from the tangled links of the chain, her eyes joined his - and with a click of a solid lock later - their lives would be forever changed..

As innocent as that moment could've been to the passer-by, the significance was on a much deeper level for those two people.. A dolled up, beautiful voluptuous BBW, a dashing man sporting a snowy sprinkled goatee -- that moment carried much much deeper..

A long drive back home..

"Feels like home," she would later say and home it would become for her..

But it was on February 1st - 4 years ago - the same day marred by the tragedy from space - didn't diminish the excitement, the love, and the joy of watching these two people beginning their path together.. Their lives intertwined as they celebrate their time together..

It may not always be chocolate and roses, but I'm forever blessed to have found My soulmate - and someone I claimed as Mine.. You see, I love My girl and when you can feel that love coming back at you in the darkness of hell - you know you have something incredibly special with you.. I've been to that darkness and I couldn't have found My way back out without her..

So tomorrow - I intend on getting an indeterminate length of chain and draw My girl's hair back exposing the supple skin of her vulnerable neck and re-affix the lock as was done 4 years ago to the day.. I intend on celebrating the day by just spending time with her - a rare event usually marred with work, stress and other insignificant responsibilities that continually invaded our lives.. I intend on continuing our course, our path, to ensure that we remain true and honest with ourselves and to be above all else, real..

All of us go through life on a daily basis - not always counting the blessings or noting the special days as we should.. Sometimes we need to reflect on those important things that we surround ourselves with - and to be thankful, blessed, and lucky..

I love you very much danaewhispering..
Happy Anniversary!
-Master

Disappointed

2007-01-31T20:17:00.000-07:00

"All good things...."

Anytime anything starts with those three words - the bottom falls out of My stomach, but unfortunately danae pointed out to Me a most disparaging thread: "A bigger, better Bondage.com!"

Um...

Normally - with a thread title like that - you go: "oh, wow, okay!" But no.. The folks that run "Adult Friend Finder" and "Alt.com" have bought out Bondage.com.. "no, No, NO!"

*SIGHS*

And I read several of the threads, and I'm really trying to hold off judgment.. But I simply don't think bondage.com will be the same after this.. I can't fault the folks who run bondage.com - because "business is business.." But it's equally disappointing that the folks that run b.com actually put a dollar value on what the community was worth.. And that's disappointing..

Bondage.com always has been a special spot for both danae and I.. It's where we first met, and I've met a number of great friends on there.. I tried, really tried Alt.com - but I'm almost convinced that there are a lot of fake posters on there that aren't real, but they make the dealership look good.. It's a lot of hype - and unless you're a paying member, your availability of communities and access is nothing short of a joke..

I'm just glad that a lot of folks are coming out in disappointment over the decision.. It's a sign that there are good, solid, serious minded folks that really give a damn bondage.com and that we're not alone.. It'll be interesting if another group or website (like collarme, etc) will fill the void - but I guess ultimately we'll have to wait and see what happens in the coming months..

If it is the end of Bondage.com, then I bid them good riddance and well wishes for all the participants who kept the site alive, fresh and good to visit.. To the owners who sold out -- I hope you do well in your endeavors as well and I commend you for even coming out and being upfront with the community.. I respect you for that..

My girl RULES!

2007-01-25T00:12:00.000-07:00

she was busy from nearly the crack of dawn and well into the evening.. Not that I don't appreciate the other 364 days of the year she serves Me, but today - was a complete organization of My life right now from My office to My blog -- at a time when I needed the help because of how busy things are right now..

I'm so incredibly blessed to have her in My life..

Thank you My sweet girl -- I love you very very much!

Please proceed inside the theater...

2007-01-24T00:34:00.000-07:00

Chewbacca, Chuck Norris and Jesus

2007-01-20T23:26:00.000-07:00

If you know what I'm talking about - then it was one of those non-stop moments of laughter..

For those that don't know what I'm talking about - I do apologize.. It's a Kevin Smith thing...

Nerd, Geek or a Dork....

2007-01-12T23:24:00.000-07:00

Modern, Cool Nerd

65 % Nerd, 65% Geek, 39% Dork

For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.

A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.

A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.

You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd.

Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)!

Congratulations!

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 69% on nerdiness
You scored higher than 89% on geekosity
You scored higher than 73% on dork points

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

No apologies...

2006-12-27T23:35:00.000-07:00

I know I'm far from perfect..

In fact, I'm so far from perfect - I have My own classification: I'm Me, take it or leave it..

And for the better part of My life - I could really care less how others think of Me.. I am who I am, period.. I make no apologies.. My standards are My own and I do what I can to live by them each and every day.. Sometimes those decisions are good ones, other times I end up flat on My face.. But guess what?? That's reality.. You don't always get sunshine and daisies each time you wake up in the morning..

For better or worse, it is what it is..

So that's why I guess I'm fascinated when I hear about how people think about Me, about danae or about us.. The spectrum of thought ranges from the critical to the envious.. But the reality is that we have the same peaks and valleys like every relationship out there - even though we're M/s based in our foundation.. When we started our website - we knew the first thing that we were going to do was keep it real..

Tell it like it is..

The good, the not so good and the ugly..

It's not always going to be Candy Land with sugar coated mountains and edible trees.. Not when there are bills, responsibilities and a long line of things on the to-do list that bitch slap us into reality around every corner.. We all want to fall into the Fantasy Island approach of the lifestyle.. Some situations are easier to adapt than others.. In our personal situation, there were several facets to the core that needed to be addressed before we can even start looking at those sugar capped mountains..

Step by step - we continue to move forward.. Like we both want..

Yes there will be pits, yes there will be wonderful meadows along the way, yes there will be harsh winds and unforgiving terrain.. But there's always the goal at the end of the road that we both want to achieve.. Hand in hand, we help each other traverse the landscape -- and for those of you intimate with our situation, I've come to rely on danae a lot more than most people would even be able to handle..

Yet as danae pointed out to Me today: it's no different than a wife supporting her husband's job or the husband supporting the wife's decision to go for a Master's degree that might happen to infringe upon the dynamics of the relationship.. The reality is: sacrifices are made for the sake of the relationship.. And if that happens to mean that there will be no booty call on Friday nights anymore - then that's a sacrifice of love for one another..

And that's the reality of our situation..

We love one another and have been through some awful stretches together - but over 4 years in the making, I can't think of spending it with anyone else.. Now that I'm doing My own thing - we can start building on the foundation we started with a long time ago.. ....something that was not possible given My situation..

So when I look back - I do see the scars, but I feel the love and the winds changing direction for us for the first time in a long time.. We may not be perfect, but we don't have to be.. We have to be real or else we're merely the facade of someone's fodder..

That's why I make no apologies..

I'll take reality anyday...

If only it were true...

2006-12-21T20:29:00.000-07:00

The song will not leave your head....

2006-12-18T22:39:00.001-07:00

It's been awhile...

2006-12-07T16:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted much in the last couple of weeks - but that's been due to a really hectic schedule for us.. Unfortunately the schedule is going to get more complicated in the coming weeks - leading us straight into Christmas.. I must say that even though things are busy - I'm loving it.. I love being around My danae as much as I can.. I love working on what I'm good at and what I enjoy.. I love having the stress peeled back and the waves of agony washed away.. While I miss the people, there are several aspects to the last job that I simply don't miss..

I have more "Inside" articles coming up.. And I'm feeling good today.. It's a nice feeling..

danae took very good care of Me yesterday and made it an extra special day by watching movies, having a nice dinner and capping it off with a very yummy dessert!!

It's the season folks - go and enjoy!!

Be kinky and frolic!

Inside -- spanking

2006-11-19T22:58:00.000-07:00

I realize I put way too much thinking power into some of the various kinks that I enjoy -- spanking would have to be one of them.. And I'm not talking about the traditional, OTK spankie spank - no... (Even though the thought of danae with lifted skirt and pulled down panties bending over My lap for a fairly sadistic swat *will* merit a rather enjoyable penile twitch....) No -- the spankings I do offer tend to be much more of a process - rather than the traditional "spank-and-go" we might see in a dungeon or a bdsm flick..

A little background first - let's just say that I am passionately experienced in the percussive arts using a variety of different implements and techniques all in the name of music.. In fact, My percussive instincts have been honed for over 20 years of experience.. So, when we start looking at the art of the spank, I give more of a "spanking massage" of sorts..

The lights are dimmed..

There are specific, hand-selected pieces of music that have a very distinct beat or have some sort of interesting rhythm that allows the musician's soul to enamate through My arms, My wrist, and My fingers.. With a very slow, light texture, the beat starts - thopthopthop .... thopthopthop .... and it's one of those patterns that I can do for a very long time, very steady beat, not slowing up, not slowing down - almost becoming boring.....

That is until.....

*SWAT*

thopthopthop .... thopthopthop .... right in the middle of an unbreakable cadence, the placement of a flat hand slap - reddens the rump of the ass as I continue My relentless drubbing (not drumming) on the exact same spot -- over and over again....

The tempo of the music changes, the technique changes - the pattern shift - and perhaps a different rump area is now in focus.. Mixing the beat with a choreographed alternating hand beat mixed with pointed fingers that bluntly poke the skin deeper into the surface of the body..

The moans emanate - almost in perfect chorus to the song.....

Like a musician's maestro the repetitions are focused to a dedicated spot - which has now changed colors from white to red, to white to red, to white and a deeper red.... The precision of the blows mixed with the coordinated musical sense - create a euphoric crescendo......

But mixed with the prodding fingers and relentless finger-tips -- will begin the specific punches that follow like the cannons of the 1812.. Each strike causes the rump to ripple and the ass muscles to clench in preparation of the next cannon shot.. The drubbing, the poking and the cannon punches -- all in chorus -- all in melody -- all in rhythm of the song that fills the room.....

And to add to the sensation - I employ the implements from My earlier percussive days: the mallets, the sticks, even the musical baton -- are all instruments of My musical endeavors have found a new home in that of My spanking technique.....

My masochistic instrument moans when the reverberations emanate through her pussy.. The instrument clenches in anticipation of the LOUD, the POWERFUL, the PAINFUL sensation of a heightened musical climax.. The instrument lulls to a restful, numbing repose that nearly becomes an therapeutic conclusion......

The tingle..

The tease..

The painful overture..

All wrapped into an ever-changing, "never the same thing twice" melody.....

....and that's My kind of spanking....

Inside -- hoods

2006-11-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

Controlling the senses..

Removing one's identity..

...in leather or latex...

Tight, form fitting, unforgiving...

The fodderistic saga continues with another paraphilia adventure (thanks JeN) into the wondrous realm of the hood..

There's something primal, something foreign about a tight leather or latex hood.. Is it the feeling of helplessness or the controlled senses derived from a single implement?? Or is it the removal of identity and the feeling of anonimity that comes with wearing a featureless hood?? Hoods come in so many styles offering a wide range of different functions - from the severe to the relatively benign.. We got your open faced hoods, open mouth, open eyes, closed mouth, closed eyes, open nose.. There are straps, no straps, muffled ear pads, perforated eyes, nostril hoses, grommets, collars, colors, transparencies, locks, laces, zippers, snaps, oh My!! So many nuances, so many versions, so many different uses - it becomes a literal buffet in controlling the senses..

But hoods aren't just designed to isolate the senses or control what is seen or heard.. There's the "Eraser" like method that adds an element of appeal that effectively removes the identity of the person inside the confines of leather.. Faces and features are effectively erased and replaced by the contours of leather or latex.. Even using an open faced hood - removes the property's hair and ears.. Transparent hoods allow you to "peek" inside the contours of one's face - even though one's individual look remains foreign and unrecognizable..

Ideally, My fodderistic intentions would love extended wear of hoods.. Maintaining the isolation and unidentity-like qualities for longer periods of time - in My fodder-esque mode, it becomes a permanent fixture.. A daily ritual.. A continual reinforcement of one's identity and isolation in complete control - all the time.. But I want to reinforce the fact that My hood fetish has nothing to do with not wanting to see the beautiful face of danae.. she really is an incredibly beautiful woman - and has such a beautiful face..

So maybe it's part of that social line that Muslim women bestow upon themselves - about remaining covered in burqua, protecting the inner flower that belongs to her husband.. I like to think of hoods, burquas and the like, wherein I have the control when that flower is released and shared with Me or with others.. Again, it's the control..

Yes, a property's boredom could soon overtake the fodder-esque desires - but as with anything - reality does eventually interrupt even the wettest of wet dreams... But this is a fodder-induced series where the dreams and desires can flow freely without hindrance or obstacle.. :)

*grins*

Back to the fixtures... I'm not a fan of zippers and snaps -- and while I fully recognize that they allow more "attachments" to be added - overall, I'm just not fond of the aesthetic qualities found with them.. While we have a wide assortment of hoods, we do have our favorites including a leather hood with perforated coverings which allow danae to see, but not be able to see well.. It laces up in back providing a very snug fit around her face with a more than ample opening for her mouth..

One of the first hoods we purchased together - was done by a friend of hers - that is made of fine-grade leather that doesn't have much form to it -- except that it contains grommets for breathing.. It's more than a bag look to it - but it's nearly featureless in its appearance.. It's a favorite of danae's primarily due to the breath play aspect of her dark desires..

I have been enjoying a PVC hood made with stretchy lycra with only an open mouth.. The incredibly tight look - limiting danae's capability except for her mouth.. The PVC has a beautiful dull black shine to it - very smooth to the touch.. I exceptionally love the way I can kiss danae - causing her to breathe deeper, more exaggerated because it's a form of breath play --- by way of kissing.... (yums!)

For deeper forms of breath play - we also employ a tight latex gas mask that we bought over in Denver.. The form of the mask - again - is nearly foreign, the glass-plated eyes where I have seen danae's beautiful blues looking back at Me.. The latex flapper ebbing and flowing with each possible breath.. The sound of air rushing in and out with each passing breath..

Literally - different hoods for different scenarios achieving different results while feeding different fodderistic dreams and visions..

But there are those that have a substantial fear of hoods and gas masks -- which is understandable - yet the fear and apprehension can be dealt in the very beginning.. There's a great deal of trust is shared when playing with hoods - and that's something that shouldn't be violated in the least.. Breath play may not be for everyone, but if you have someone who can monitor and watch everything that is going on, then it can be one of the more erotic explorations a couple will enjoy..

Uncontrollable fear is less desirable for Me.. It's about controlling, harnessing and reassuring that fear so that it can be transmuted into something much better, much more erotic all the while bringing Me to a series of wonderful mental, visual and tactile orgasms..

"Mentally Ill?? Lighten Up America!!"

2006-11-13T13:06:00.000-07:00

Probably the best quote from this story about the lifestyle and fetishists.. In fact, the MSNBC articles that follow do a decent job portraying the lifestyle to a degree - or at least puts things in a light that we're not all murderous, drug-ravaged, pedo-freaks.. Nope.. The article and subsequent audio interviews describe IT managers, biochemists and all of us from different walks of life.. They even describe how fetish has been injected via movies like the Matrix and their PVC, hoods and collars scenes in the final installment..

But when I listened to the audio interviews.. I didn't hear freaks.. I didn't hear mentally ill people.. I heard Myself.. I heard danae and I heard the voice of so many of our friends and acquaintances because we're not 'broke' in the sense that our dissenters want us to be.. We're normal.. Want proof??

The author cited the World Health Organization's psychiatry DSM manual that defines fetishism as: "reliance on some non-living object as a stimulus for sexual arousal and sexual gratification." The fetish object might "simply serve to enhance sexual excitement achieved in ordinary ways (e.g. having a partner wear a particular garment)."

The author goes on to say, quite simply: "In other words, every woman who ever imagined her man in a pair of buttless chaps, every man who thinks baby-doll nighties are the greatest invention since the centerfold, could be a fetishist."

BONZAI !!!!

And so it would seem, there are some problems with how we're classified when it comes to the psychiatry manuals.. Now I fully recognize that the author may have combed the definition to excluse key words that would center on how fetishists can only be turned on by a fetish object - instead of having a passing interest or a preference - but I think there's something to be said for one of the audio interviews where someone was outted and they had to describe what it is that they are into.. The reaction was close to "yeah, well we've done handcuffs before..."

BONZAI !!!!

So not only do we have a rather bendable classification in the psyche manuals but now we have "average" folks not only understand the lifestyle - but they themselves can openly admit having participated in some of the "fun aspects" of the lifestyle.. You mean to tell Me that we're not broken, not ill or otherwise dysfunctional in one form or another??

No..

We're not..

Because it comes down to choice.. And those who are capable of making sound decisions for themselves and want to engage into activities that are mutually sought, should be able to.. Okay - slap a "freak" label on Me, see if I care.. But the moment you even start to get aroused by the tall stud with bare-ass cheeks exposed through his leather chaps, or the cute blonde in the revealing baby doll nightie - then talk to the hand, because you're one big freak too.. Even if you have a penis twitch or some increased humidity in your nether parts -- you're a freak for being aroused..

Come to the meetings, we'll save you a seat..

Would you wear a face bra??

2006-11-10T09:32:00.000-07:00

In the strangeness of the internet this morning (pre-java consumption) I came across this link...